In the interest of collecting the humorous failures posted in fanfiction, hopefully with the added benefit of improving the quality of the Fiction while at it, and because i am feeling particularly magnanimous today, i made a thread so you can entertain me, and probably hordes of small minded individuals, at the expense of the average unsuspecting fanfiction author.

No-one likes to have their mistakes rubbed in their nose. This, of course, only makes it funnier to actually rub the mistakes in, pointing them out to others who have not yet seen them so these others can also indulge in some good-natured nose-in-fail rubbing.

Without any further adieu:

NettieT in HP & the twisted timeline, making a sticky mess out of a girl instead of just obliviating her.

 

A good topic, but it's a very strange one to have as your first post. Go make an introduction

Anyway, I don't have any of these right now but i will come back when I find one. The OP's was pretty win...

 

Were you trying to be ironic? If so, you're succeeding. Welcome to the site, Sin.

I recently ran across a story where Harry and Ginny found themselves in a sole bond. I couldn't figure out if their feet were stuck together or if they just had fish affixed to their bodies.

 

I have a list of words that some fanfic authors think are interchangeable. I grew tired of updating it, though.

Code:

afoul       awful
buy         bye
coast       cost
could of    could have
defiantly   definitely
doesn't     does it
feet        feat
finely      finally
no          now          know
none        known
past        passed
piers       peers
ruins       runes
refrie      referee
right       write
seem        seam
should of   should have
since       sense
soar        sore
sole        soul
then        than
they're     their        there
threw       through
use         used
vile        vial
waste       waist
where       were
won         one
would of    would have
your        you're

 

I guess im just a weird guy. I´ll go introduce myself later.

Perhaps they had no other bonds, and, therefore, had to rely solely on that one.

Without any further adieu is something i came across a while ago in a fic. I didn' t remember who wrote that, so i didnt know where to shove the blame, wich is why i didnt post it here.

The list, as metallica would say, is Sad but True... very much so, in fact. Cgs for for your patience.

Another fail i came across recently. this one isn´t mis-written, it´s author just has a minor timekeeping problem:

Dr.Sheep in HP & the Birth of a Legend, claims Gryffindor is HP´s Great(x8 ) Grandfather. I did some math on this (it hurt like hell, having to use my brain). Barring an unlikely tendency to procreate around their 115th birthday, (i can just imagine the truckloads of blue pills) there is no way that could have happened.

 

I suspect time travel.

 

I trump you all, and all that follow after.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4324416/1/

The author makes this a (literally) bold statement:

Then not one thousand words later I run into this:

I corrected the author. I bet she still has "Tom Amused" though.

Rofl, she didn't make the corrections. XD

 

Screamed =/= creamed.

That is always the funniest one.

 

In addition to Through and Threw, there is also Thru which I've seen a lot, used either in place of Through or Threw.

 

More of that irony of yours? I admit it, I lol-ed.

More irritating than retarded, is when people use Blaise Zambini, rather than Zabini. I see it all the time, and it drives me nuts. Something about the way "Zambini" rolls off the tongue makes me want to drive a spoon into some innocent bystander's brain every time I read it.

 

Blaise Zamboni would be funny.

 

I´m not enough of an egomaniac to think I deserve capitalization upon introducing myself into any text. You probably are, since, apparently, you love to see yourself type. Furthermore, if i were to write a fic, i would write it using a text editor, probably including a spell-check, wich would get rid of that nuisance for me. (Other nuisances, however, will probably turn out to be slightly more stubborn.)

Also, since you brought it up, criticizing at others is rarely done. I just criticize others.

By the way, you failed to pick up on the additional s in mis(s)-written.

That certainly is Amusing.

Zambini is kinda annoying. Not as annoying as Voldemort being referred to as a 5 page long list of everything that rhymes with Voldy, but annoying nonetheless. Just be happy he´s not in too many fics. On a happier note, though, I love spooning violence too <3.

 

Physician, heal thyself.

 

I lack an ailment.

 

Irony, thy name is Sin.

Also, if you aren't using it, get Firefox. It spell checks what you type. If you refuse to use proper English (proper != perfect...I'm not perfect either. ), then get the fuck out now and spare yourself the scorn.

 

I hate it when authors don't capitalize the story's title. Pretty elementary, and it does make a big difference, to me at least.

 

It's amazing how a poor grasp of the English language can turn mediocre fiction into unwitting fetish material.

A disturbing one I've seen more than a few times is menstruations/ministrations.

He enjoyed himself as she continued her menstruations.

Nice. There's a fetish that doesn't show its face in HP fic very often... on purpose, anyway.

There's the classic waste/waist.

"What's wrong?" She asked, as he wrapped his arms around her waste.

"I feel like shit." Came the disturbingly vague reply.

Indeed... Incidentally, this is why Hogwarts has pipes big enough to fit a sixty foot long basilisk through: they have to be that big so they don't clog when people 'flush their waist'.

Likewise, I can't tell you how many unwitting coprophiliacs in fanfiction have eaten everything from cereal to soup out of 'bowels', or have had their stomach sliced open only to see their 'bowls' spilling out.

The aforementioned creamed/screamed is always good for some accidental porn.

I know I've mentioned the withered/writhed thing before.

"Crucio!" He sneered, and she withered in agony.

Really? Really? I guess it hurt so bad she just instantly wrinkled like a prune. It's even worse when authors have two characters engaging in a poorly written sex marathon and one of them begins 'withering' in ecstasy.

'Parceltongue' is apparently the language UPS employees use to speak to packages.

I get tired of people 'starring' blankly at something because they're too 'scarred' to think.

Most potions in fanfiction must be evil. Why? Because I constantly see the authors say the potion is being stored/placed in or poured out of a 'vile'.

I could go on for days.

 

The error that baffles me the most is the frequent confusion of 'definitely' and 'defiantly.'

That shit is everywhere. I swear I see it at least once a day. I really don't understand why it's such a problem.