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WIP Mother of Learning by nobody103 - T - Original Fantasy

Discussion in 'Original Fiction' started by Betosa, Apr 3, 2013.

  1. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Lich is centuries old. But I think like chrnno said Zach has only been in the loop for a handful of decades. Zorian has been in it what, just under a decade?

    thattin - wouldn't be surprised. It incorporates the part I'd noticed and reminded me of something I'd forgotten he could do.
     
  2. EsperJones

    EsperJones Headmaster

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    Updated.

    I'm not sure who Raynie's brother is, but the pace has definitely jumped. I'm assuming there will be one more chapter pre-invasion (or the invasion will begin next chapter), one more for the invasion proper, and one to wrap things up.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2019
  3. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    Way back when Zorian was investigating his soul marker there was a not date with Raynie. Basically she was raised as the the heir to her tribe of wolf shifters her whole life until her brother was born and proved himself competent. She got sent off to Cyoria as a polite exile.
     
  4. Donimo

    Donimo Groundskeeper

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    Yeah I couldn't remember that either. I really aught to re-read this story.
     
  5. OkraMaster

    OkraMaster First Year

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    Yup, pace has definitely gone up. Lots of jigsaws moving into place. The chapter name - Powderkeg is quite suggestive too! I think next chapter will end with the start of the invasion, or the breakdown of the truce.
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Last few chapters I feel we've started having an issue with tell vs show.

    Start of this one had some good 'show' but then scene after scene that felt heavy on 'tell.'
     
  7. throwaawy

    throwaawy Third Year

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    i think the issue here is that raynie's clan is a shifter clan. red robe must have caught wind of zorian's overwatch of cypria's shifter children population and has branched out to get his primordial essence needed for the ritual.
     
  8. DvorakQ

    DvorakQ Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Updated.

    Author's speeding up quite a bit. Not sure what the hurry is :/
     
  9. Puzzled

    Puzzled High Inquisitor

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    He’s only got one more time loop!
     
  10. AmishGoat

    AmishGoat Squib

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    So I feel like this was a decent chapter as it had more showing/less telling than it usually does (at least lately), but I can't help but agree with DvorakQ and think this is all happening too fast. I think there was something about the author wanting to finish at chapter 100, but that clearly isn't happening. Not sure why he doesn't do this final bit justice and really explore things one last time. Hopefully the climactic fight won't be rushed.
     
  11. Ferdiad

    Ferdiad Unspeakable

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    I feel like I'm missing all the payoff of the whole story, I want more of Zorian adjusting to no longer living in a loop, the bit where he mused about his attitude to money for example.
     
  12. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Yeah - the ability to have more payoff existed as well, since there has been an element of hurry up and wait. Could have worked it in to a point at least. Though then the author would run the risk of dragging it out etc.

    Good chapter. This even makes sense in terms of where their advantage came from. They didn't predict this with Raynie but they set the pieces that caused it in motion. [

    Mostly I'm just glad we got back to showing instead of telling. Enjoyed this chapter more than most of the recent ones.
     
  13. Celestin

    Celestin Master of Death

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    Maybe things are a little rushed, but it works because the characters are in a rush themselves. Preferably there are few chapters after the final battle to explore a little of Zorian's life after the time loop and how his relationships changed.
     
  14. OkraMaster

    OkraMaster First Year

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    I really liked Haslush and Rea's reactions to the ritual room set up. The vignette with Alanic and the wraith bombs also worked really well. However, the ending was just too rushed... Didn't have a scale of what was happening. I would have almost preferred even more of a cliffhanger, with Zorian giving the command to attack.

    Also, what's with the iron beaks? I thought they were compromised and wouldn't work with the invaders anymore?