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Of Ascension by Xiph0 - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Xiph0, Feb 11, 2006.

1/5, 1 vote
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  1. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 11, 2006 #1
    Title: Of Ascension
    Author: Xiph0
    Rating: R bordering on M.
    Genre: Action/Adventure/Horror
    Pairing: Undecided. Mtl None.
    Status: Abandoned!
    Summary: Thanks to a few Slytherin & Gryffindor relatives bribing and fighting for the King of England back in the day, Harry has inherited the title of Lord through a flaw in the system, how will he handle the revelation? How will his "friends" ?
    Link: Work by Author

    Criticism & comments are greatly appriciated.



    Thanks to Mrriddler for his brilliant suggestions and format help!


    This was a collection of plot bunnys I felt like toying with, and overall the reviews gave me some ideas.

    I have zero inspiration to keep writing this, nor do I feel I could pull it off.

    If you want to write it along the same plot lines, as long as you cite me(and send me a link;) ) go right ahead!     :D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2008
  2. Mrriddler

    Mrriddler High Inquisitor

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    Feb 11, 2006 #2
    It's really a bit short, but I'll give it a whirl.

    Good description, excellent characterization from what could be seen though I'll note that if you ever end up having a lot of dialogue, be careful about being bogged down with the need to write something after each quote.

    I'm assuming the forum condensed/truncated the story because if it was any longer, it would have been a disaster for my eyes. Also not too hot about you using bold AND italics on EVERY dialogue line (I mean, I overspam them myself, but that's just too much). Other than these technicalities, it looks pretty good.
     
  3. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 11, 2006 #3
    -rest of post moot at the rehaul of fic-

    Thanks to Piccaboo! & MrRiddler for the reviews.:cheers:
     
  4. Piccaboo!

    Piccaboo! Second Year

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    Feb 11, 2006 #4
    Hmm... I'll have to agree with MrRiddler on this one, it was short.

    But good for a first try, the whole Ginny thing was a bit confusing, or actually Harry's whole demeanor was confusing - meaning there was no explenation or anything at all indicating his change of behaviour as the story is supposed to start out after GoF.

    Even though there were loads of explentions between comments, it wasn't very informative, maybe you should try to put more feeling into it.

    Like when Harry threw Ginny to the DE's, you could have explained his deep satisfaction or a surge of thrill or anything. Get my point?

    Either way, you'll quickly get a hang of things as you write so don't give up yet.
     
  5. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 12, 2006 #5
    Story's been revamped and edited.

    My basic idea for the fic as of today is to have Harry form deals, and protection alliances with other Nobles, and expand his empire from his little eastern sector through England. Once there he's going to base and move on to bigger and badder things. Plenty of torture and slaughter along the way.. of course and lots and lots of diplomacy.
     
  6. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 12, 2006 #6
    Chapter 2 Up!
     
  7. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

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    Feb 12, 2006 #7
    Found it quite fascinating Xiph, but i think i have to also concur with Piccaboo that it lacks a certain...feel. Anyway im looking forward to more as long as he puts Vernon in place.
     
  8. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 12, 2006 #8
    I had a torture scene lined up for the next chapter :twisted: , and it wasn't going to be Vernon but that actually works quiet well - expect it within a chapter or 2.

    :) * scratches the back of his neck * I really am lost as to how to make it seem more...human .. but eh..
     
  9. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 13, 2006 #9
    Chapter 3 Up!


    Thanks to Mr. Riddler, Element, and Ip82 for the help!
     
  10. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

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    Feb 14, 2006 #10
    Excellent Xiph! for me i found it amusing about the way he is taking control and cant wait for more. Only thing i found hard to comprehend is that i dont believe there's enough on most of what the Nobles are capable of, but other then that im awaiting more.
     
  11. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

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    Feb 14, 2006 #11
    I dont believe that aurors know about Lords and they laws and besides how Harry proved to them that he is in fact a lord. But I still like it. :)
     
  12. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 14, 2006 #12
    In regards to the Aurors reactions, I always figured that the nobles and ascension and fall from power was common tales parents told their kids, and aurors pretty much have to know the law - They're Wizard SWAT.

    :D Thanks! I'm still really unsure of what power I'm going to give them, I was beating my brains out trying to work that out 'till Riddler told me to just write the chapter and see where it took me :D .
    If there we're three Lords still in power, seems common place to know their status, bloodlines, and how exempt they are from laws.

    The Aurors know that its practically an Act of War to try to arrest a member of the Aristocracy and thus had to atleast check back before they tried anything.
     
  13. Mrriddler

    Mrriddler High Inquisitor

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    Feb 14, 2006 #13
    Hey, things came up so I didn't get a chance to read it last night. Other than the shortness, the story looks like it's shaping up quite nicely. Of course, letting your mind run while writing might lead to chapters of stuff going on tangents but whatever... :p

    Though... there is the problem why you would ever send a warning to criminals you want to arrest before your law enforcers are there on the scene.

    Mrriddler
     
  14. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 14, 2006 #14
    Aye :lol: , bumbling Ministry.
     
  15. Mrriddler

    Mrriddler High Inquisitor

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    Feb 14, 2006 #15
    eh...hmm should have made it Umbridge then, cause I rather like Amelia. :p
     
  16. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 14, 2006 #16
    :lol: Me too but that just made me picture :

    Umbridge kicked in his door, wand raised shouting " Ministry of Magic, Put your wand on the ground NOW!!"

    *rolls away laughing*
     
  17. Kaotac

    Kaotac Second Year

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    Feb 15, 2006 #17
    Uhh.. Link?
     
  18. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 15, 2006 #18
    o_O;; Page 1, but also here.
     
  19. Spacks

    Spacks Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Feb 15, 2006 #19
    Could you post this on ff.net or something please?
     
  20. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Feb 15, 2006 #20
    *shrug*
    I only have maybe a little over 2k written, I'm going to write a decent bit more before I post it as 2 chapters on ff.net.
     
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