Not enough pokemon named after me goddammit.

 

So I finally got around to doing a Nuzlocke Run, mostly I wanted to wait until Bank and I found my Black 2 game and brought over all my old mon. Anyways, I decided to go with the less awesome Fennekin who has shitty evos and has a +atk nature. You are being boxed for Charmander or Litleo you piece of shit. Named it Mozilla and killed Chespin, yay. Did all the fun-fun intro shit, got my pokeballs and my first catch was Irene the Caterpie, who from the looks of it now is going to be one of my best mons for a while.

Anyways, into the forest I went. Got me an Ashaya the Weedle. I'm so overjoyed to have both bugs. Rushed my way through hoping for a decent mon in the next route. Game decided I'm doing hard mode and got a Burmy, named it Litter Bug who apparently has no attacking moves until Tackle at level 10. Well at least I got a Litleo soon after, and I do, named it Lexi and back into the forest I went to grind for days.

Well after grinding for far too long, I finally got everyone to at least 10, Mozilla an Lexi hit 14 just switching to actually kill shit for Ashaya and Litter Bug. Luckily, the first gym itself was a snap, 3 confusions from Irene and down went the water/bug and 2 Embers from Lexi felled the Vivillion. After that I picked up my Exp. Share and called it a day. And yes, I will be using it otherwise Beedril, Burmy and Fennekin may as well be boxed.

Pokemon:
Party:
Mozilla the Fennekin - Level 14
Irene the Butterfree - Level 11
Ashaya the Beedrill - Level 10
Litter Bug the Burmy - Level 10
Lexi the Litleo - Level 15

 

Route 14 is my favorite place in the entire game. I like the haunted motif, and the playground is grand. It could only be better if you could swing on the swings. I usually hate swamps, but with Goomy living here, the swamps are charming rather than annoying. I meet up with my four rivals, but Calem is uninterested in a haunted house and runs off. What a loser. At least these three other rivals are pretty cool. Fuck yeah I want to see a haunted house.

I thought about going into the grass for a Weepinbell, but Goomy is too much to resist. I enter the swamp annnnnd Stunfisk! Damn it, oh well. It’d be nice to have a backup electric-type. I name her Saot. I reach the haunted house in record time. My rivals and I enter only to find a weird story from a guy who demands a tip. I tip him $500 for trying. After everyone leaves, I talk to the man and get a weird thing, that some truths are meant to go to the grave. I really like this guy, I hope his role is expanded on in the sequels / third game. Maybe put a creepy basement under the house?

I reach fairy town. It’s nice, though the clothing store is my least favorite in the region. I’m not into Lolita fashion, though I buy a couple pairs of shoes. I heal up, and since the game won’t let me progress at all, I hit the gym. I had real problems with navigating this gym in my first play-through, but I stick to the wall here and keep taking the left portal until I get to the main room. The gym leader, Valerie, has these weird silver-gray eyes with such large irises she looks like an alien.

Her first Pokemon is Mawile, and I start off with Drome the Ninjask. I immediately switch her out and contemplate sending in Anya before I slap myself. In comes UC to deal with this threat and with a Reflect up, the Mawile is totally walled, and only takes a few Nature Powers (Tri Attack) to take down. Next is Mr. Mime. Fuck this thing. I send in Kalas. Psychic does a chuck, but I’m faster, so two Thunderbolts takes it down. Last is Sylveon. What a cutie. I send in Tinn and kill it in one Return.

Badge get! Time for the Pokeball Factory. Shauna and Trevor check it out and I tag along, but in a series of unfortunate mishaps, they end up distracting the guard allowing me and Calem to go in. Which is so dumb, by the way. I’ve had enough of Calem, I want to battle with Shauna or Trevor. Why do I always have to pair with him? There’s nothing to say here, I beat all the trainers in my path, and at the end have a double battle against two admins with Calem. Tinn handles that while Calem gets his ass beat.

Since I’m in-between towns right now, it’s time for me to get some more Pokemon. First, I fly to the mastery city and use my Good Rod on the sea. Out pops a Chinchou, who I name Kai. Next, the waters of rock town. This time I surf to grab a Tentacool, named Proph. There’s more waters in other cities, but I want to wait for the Super Rod for them.

Time for the autumn route! Route Fifteen is pretty with some interesting Pokemon. In the grass I’m surprised by a horde of Murkrow. Yeah, okay. I pick off the girls and catch a boy, named Jon. I quickly go through the route until I get to Lost Hotel. The Pokemon I’m aiming for is Litwik. Litwik would fill so many holes in my team, so of course, I get an Electrode instead. It Self-Destructs on the second turn, so fuck you very much. Before I go in further, I realize I forgot about Route 16, to the south. New Pokemon, ahoy! I don’t have a preference here, so I go into the long grass and find a tiny Pumpkaboo. Sooo cute. Churchy the Pumpkaboo joins the team.

I still need more Pokemon. Off to Frost Cavern! A poor Mamo wants his buddy. Don’t worry, Mamo, I’ll help! I know from EV training, that hordes of Vanillite and Smoochum can be found here. I consider both, but decide just to walk around. Out pops a Piloswine. D’aw, okay. I send out Drome the Ninjask and since Pilo’s bulky, he can probably live a couple Aerial Aces. I do one, down to yellow, Pilo counters with an Ice Fang. It’s Super Effective! Drome dies.

I’m an awful trainer.

I send in UC the Carbrink to do damage control but forget I gave him Rocky Helmet and Pilo nearly kills himself with a Fury Attack. I quickly switch in Tinn and catch the Pilo. His name is Vir. I got all the Pokemon I could get right now, time to help this poor, helpless Mamo.

The first trainer in Frost Cavern has one Pokemon, a Doublade at level 47. UC the Carbrink can handle this. I use Reflect to keep damage off and Doublade Iron Heads and throws UC down to yellow. Fuck, I forgot UC was double-weak to steel. Retreat! Retreat! I send in Tinn. To be honest, I don’t have much that can hurt a steel type. The Doublade uses Iron Defence and my Bite does nothing, neither does Sucker Punch. After a second Iron Defence, Doublade uses Power Swap. Excellent, now I can do damage. I get it down to yellow and Double Iron Heads, SENDING ME INTO RED. Fuuuuuck. I look at my team. Carbrink, Furfrou, Heliolisk, Virbrava, Pumpkaboo, Murkrow. Who could survive such an attack.

No one, I realize. I look back to the battle. There are no option to weigh. Just death.

Tinn dies to a Night Slash and I send in Kalas, who Thunderbolts the Doublade to death. I leave Frost Cavern and think about what I’ve done.

My Pokemon are too under-leveled. I need to train.

Team
Unreadable Characters the Carbrink (level 45). Nature Power / Reflect / Ancient Power / Sharpen.
Kalas the Heliolisk (level 43). Surf / Thunderbolt / Thunder Wave / Quick Attack.
Anya the Virbrava (level 40). Fly / Bulldoze / Rock Slide / Dragon Breath.
Vir the Piloswine (level 37). Ice Fang / Take Down / Fury Attack / Mist.
Churchy the Pumpkaboo (level 35). Razor Leaf / Bullet Seed / Leech Seed / Shadow Sneak.
Jon the Murkrow (level 20). Aerial Ace / Pursuit / Astonish / Haze.

Box
Ash the Azurill (level 4).
Irene the Flabebe (level 7).
Stojil the Machop (level 17).
Saot the Stunfisk (level 32).
Kai the Chinchou (level 25).
Proph the Tentacool (level 25).

Rest in Peace
Lexi the Butterfree (level 11). You weren’t very good anyways.
Zev the Bulbasaur (level 10). Illegal Pokemon are not allowed!
Lucky the Wingull (level 17). Maybe sending you out against a rock-type wasn’t a good idea.
Font the Litleo (level 25). Why are you normal-fire? That’s such a dumb typing.
Blab the Hariyama (level 24). Welp.
Lutris the Siglyph (level 29). I’m so fucking sorry.
Palin the Shedninja (level 23). I tried, you were kinda cool.
Drome the Ninjask (level 38 ). I was dumb and I deserve your anguish.
Tinn the Furfrou (level 43). You were the greatest. Good dog, best friend.

 

That thumb was hard to give...a pumpkaboo?
Feels bad man

 

I didn't see your post until after I went on my catching spree. All that was left was a Pumpkaboo.

 

A Pyroar could have helped you with that Doublade.

 

Dude... too soon.

 

My Fairy run ended in boredom. I might start anew, but Bravely Default should be arriving tomorrow and that will be commanding my leisure time for a while.

 

So after the shitty time I had with getting new mons last time I figured it was time for a good mon next route... and I got Budew which normally isn't that bad but... I mostly play at night so I have to find some time during the day to evolve it. Meh. But at least it gives me a nice grass type against the Rock Gym next, GOOD THING THAT IT ISN'T ROCK/ICE AMIRITE? Anyways, I decided to clean up the rest of this route using Butterfree since I have until 16 before a move list difference for Budew anyways. Got a Poison Barb for my Beedrill, maybe it'll stop sucking so much. At the end the professor's two assistants lead me to his lab where I beat up his badly trained Kanto starters using Irene, Lexi, and Guiche and got Churchey the Squirtle to replace Fennekin. Meet a movie star and the totally-not-evil-team-leader guy and then made my way on to route 5.

On route 5 I meet a Gym leader and her Lucario who got too close for comfort. Went into the grass and got a Scraggy horde. Caught Shioon the Scraggy and boxed Burmy. Made my way through with Shioon doing work against a Kadabra who might have been an issue otherwise. Finally made my way into Camphrier Town where I got a rather creepy message from the Holo Caster urging me to keep using it because nobody is listening in on my calls at all. After looting the town I made my way into the castle and learned about Oz sleeping in the middle of the road. Deciding to get a flute so that he'll wake up I head to route 6. While there Squirtle decided he wanted to evolve too and beccome a Wartortle. While there I caught me an Espurr. I named it Nyancat for lack of a better name and because to all the colors that psychic attacks like spam Decided to switch it out for Butterfree because my team was already stacked towards “Rocks fall everybody dies” as is. And then Ash dies to a double headbutt in a double battle with one of them critting. Guiche suffers the same fate not long after. Also these trainers use Super potions. So yeah, fuck the double Furfag trainers. I will continue later, best to stop at only two deaths.

Oh and Vira, the town near the ice caves has the move relearner so you can get ancient power so that Piloswine can evolve on level up. To get a heartscale, just rock smashing the rocks along the coast between the 2nd gym and the fossil town. Or just mug Luvdisc, 50% chance they have them.

Pokemon:
Party:
Churchey the Wartortle – Level 17
Irene the Butterfree – Level 17
Nyancat the Espurr – Level 13
Lexi the Litleo – Level 20
Litter Bug the Burmy – Level 12
Shioon the Scraggy – Level 15

Box:
Mozilla the Fennekin – Level 15

Graveyard:
Ashaya the Beedrill – Level 15 – You kind of sucked anyways.
Guiche the Roselia – Level 17 – Fucking Jackass makes me wait till day so I can evolve him and then dies anyways.

 

Your nuzlocke is doomed without some… Luck, ChaosGuy.

Hinthint

 

So after last time's deaths I finished up the route 6 trainers and made my way into the palace. I made sure to pick up the amulet coin, cut and the shitty other items around the palace and then cornered the dog. After watching some fireworks I got the flute so I could wake Oz's fat ass up. Oz was promptly stuffed into a pokeball and boxed so that he wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of some road again. Continuing down the road Nyancat laid waste to many Smeargle until we got upon the double battle where it killed all three. Following that I went into the Zubat Roost to catch something that wasn't a Zubat. I got a Whimsur... of the pokemon in this cave, that was the last I wanted. I mean, at least a Zubat can become Crobat which is awesome but Whimser is meh. Disappointed, I left the cave where upon I found an Inkay. I was excited...until I found out it had suction cups instead of contrary, oh well.

Making my way into the next town, I get Rock Smash, yay Heartscale farming. Also some assistant got lost in the Glittering Caves, well I want a Fossil mon so... onward I go. Along the way I catch Sandy the Sandile. In the cave I find a Machop... joy, since trading is a hassle and I have a Scraggy anyways, INTO THE BOX YOU GO MUSCLES. At the back of the cave I find some Team Magma rejects and Churchey bubbles all a mutt to death. He then ate a Zubat, devouring it to gain its strength. Next up was a Gulpin who died after poisoning Churchey. The following Electrike would be a problem but Lexi burned it to death before that could happen. Next up the neighbor chick decided to help my Wartortle kill a Scraggy and a Croagunk...by raising our special defense instead of just using confusion or Psybeam. Two turns later it figured out that it should just use Psybeam. then all was well. I got offered a Jaw Fossil or a Sail Fossil, while an ancient biting pokemon sounded awesome, an ancient boat Pokemon sounded better. RAINBOW BOAT HERE I COME! Sadly I was to be disappointed as it would turn out that it was just some leaf eating dino and not a rainbow boat. Oh well. So the ancient dinosaur Amaura joins the box crew. Oddly, if your party is full it sends Amaura straight to the box without letting you name it. Huh.

Following the coast to the next town I got stopped by some swimmer who forced a “dowsing machine” on me, probably some secret spy tool that lets them listen on me, IT HAS TO BE! I CAN'T EVEN TOSS IT. Litter Bug, in a bid for affection, evolved on the way to the town as I was mugging fishermen and swimmers for money. After I got into town, I bought a King Shirt and got me a Green Bike. That done it's time to roll a gym using Churchey and Shioon. For Grant himself, Shioon one-shot his Amaura while Churchey handled his Tyrunt in between getting potioned up. With the obtaining of the second badge, I will be taking a break before heading out to beat the next gym.

Deciding to continue on to the third gym due to not wanting to double post. I head out to the next route in hopes of Something decent while letting Mothim, Espurr and Butterfree get all the exp for the next gym. I get a Hawlucha, meh, I was hoping for a Golett or Eevee. Decided to him El Toro because not enough letters for the El Toro Fuerte without removing the spaces. He'll also join the box crew. Mid way to the next town some Flare Grunt decided he wanted to help Nyancat evolve into a Meowstic.

After beating down more Team Flare grunts I made my way into the next town. After another Grunt pulls a disappearing trick I go into Reflection Cave where I got a Carbink! Named it Wall-Ene. Once I finish the fighting gym it'll replace either Litter Bug or Irene. Realizing that I forgot my route 11 capture I walk back outside. I get a... Hariyama? Well, welcome to the box crew Honda. On my way through the Cave Litter Bug who had been pretty boss for once died to a Vespiquen's Power Gem. Oh well, guess I'll need to get another mon for the next gym. Hawlucha go go? I have a lot of weak to fighting mons.

After making it to town I quickly show the neighbor who is the better trainer by having my Wartortle devour her Meowstic and having her Absol and Frog get High Jump Kicked by Shioon. Moving on, I have Nyancat do work by sweeping the Fighting Gym. Now that the fear of fighting type to the face is gone, time to dump Hawlucha into the box forever and bring out Wall-Ene. To end my business in this old town I get Jackal the Lucario and use it to beat Korrina's Lucario into a pulp.

Heading out for the next town my neighbor stops me an gives me Surf which I prmptly teach to Churchey. At the beginning of the next route someone wants to give me a Lapras but the party is full, guess I'm repelling my way through. Midway through some bug guy helps Lexi evolve into a Pyroar. Next to evolve was Churchey after he killed a Tauros. Mega Blastoise is go!

Once in town I got a Good Rod which means more surf mons later if need be. I also got Fly from the professor... too bad none of my Pokemon an use it. After that I had Shioon punch a cat in the face and then had Churchey Mega Evolve and Bite her dog and frog until they were dead. Following that I decided it was time for Lexi to prove her worth again, this time in the grass gym. It ended as expected, the entire gym was engulfed in flames and we beat a hasty exit after nabbing a badge. Probably won't be allowed back here. Oh well, mission accomplished.

With both the fighting and grass gym done and with Butterfree falling further and further behind in usefulness, I head to the next route hoping or a Trapinch. I instead get a Dugtrio, oh well, I'll find a user for Fly eventually. I decide to name her Headache. She'll also be joining the Eternal Box Crew. Apparently the Power Plant is having some trouble, so being the nice not-gym-burning guy I am, I decide to help them. Turns out it's just Team Flare again. Well, time for tons of free exp for Wall-Ene. While cleaning out the trash, Shioon evolves into a Scrafty.

After everything was said and done I headed back Lumiose and watched the tower lighting, it wasn't anything special even at night. After bumming around some in the city I decided enough stalling was done and used the electric gym to raise up my Carbink some more levels, a very slow process not helped by it's less than 50 in either attack stat. For Clemont himself, it was a process of switching around to deal with Volt Switch. After meeting with totally-not-evil-leader guy, I headed out to Route 14 to meet the chump squad and to maybe get a damn Pokemon that can use fly already.

I beat up Serena's shitty mons again after making the pokedex filling kid look terrible and then all of us, minus Serena decided to go look at a haunted house. I found a Goomy! It even has Sap Sipper! Which means Butterfree might be losing a spot soon. Named it Slime after the Dragon Quest monster. Decided to go ahead and switch out Butterfree. I made my way, slowly, through the area and to the scary house. Got told some shitty story and forced to pay at least 100, whatever. INTO LAVERRE CITY I GO! Well, I got into the city, but Fairy Land was creeping me out so I tried to leave the town ASAP but some Team Flare grunts were being massive dicks and wouldn't let me leave, guess I'll just have to stop whatever they are doing and kick them out. I decided to hit the gym first, the trainers there were worst than the leader, her mons died to Flamethrower, Shadow Ball and Surf.

After getting my Badge Dex Boy and Memory Ho wanted to go see the Ball Factory. Given that there are Team Flare grunts blocking the way to the next route still I figured it'd be a fine way to waste time and pocket some free pokeballs. And who would be inside? Team Flare of course, looks like I'll get my revenge on those guys who wouldn't let me go the next route. After beating up a trio of admins I got a Master Ball and a Big Nugget. And the Team Flare guys left too so I can go to the next route, which means another pokemon! Maybe this time I'll get a pokemon I can use fly with? With my only hope for this route being a Murkrow Horde. I use a Honey and my hope is answered. I catch one and name it Raven, if/when Shioon dies, it'll make a good replacement. It even has Super Luck so that I may turn Crithax onto the enemies for once. To finish out the day, I beat up trainers until Slime evolves into a Sliggoo.

Pokemon:
Party:
Churchey the Blastoise – Level 46 (Mega)
Slime the Sliggoo – Level 40
Nyancat the Meowstic – Level 45
Lexi the Pyroar – Level 46
Shioon the Scrafty – Level 46 (with Shed Skin QQ)
Wall-Ene the Carbink – Level 43

Box:
Mozilla the Fennekin – Level 15
Oz the Snorlax – Level 15
Raine the Whimsur – Level 14
Poytin the Inkay – Level 15
Sandy the Sandile – Level 16
Irene the Butterfree – Level 40
Muscles the Machop – Level 17
THOU SHALL NOT RENAME the Amaura – Level 20
Honda the Hariyama – Level 23
El Toro the Hawlucha – Level 24
Raven the Murkrow – Level 18 (Super Luck)

Graveyard:
Ashaya the Beedrill – Level 15 – You kind of sucked anyways.
Guiche the Roselia – Level 17 – Fucking Jackass makes me wait till day so I can evolve him and then dies anyways.
Litter Bug the Mothim – Level 29 – And you were just getting started too.

 

This is all Lamora's fault. Game of Champions updates always make me play Pokemon. And Bravely Default is now collecting dust because of it.

So, starting yet again on X. May I get further than Coumarine City this time. Standard Nuzlocke, though I am going to play along with what Vira's doing and eschew all gift and interact Pokemon.

Prelim shit done, select Tiger the Chespin. He hangs around just long enough to see who his trainer is, and then goes running to find another one who won't delete him as soon as something gets killed. But on the way to salvation he does knock down Shauna's Froakie. Good for him.

Tiger gives me the slip somewhere near the turnoff to my house, and I kick a can down the road and spend my food moneys on a couple Pokeballs back in Aquacorde Town. Two steps into the tall grass, I find Androssi the Pidgey. This is a guaranteed encounter and it might have been more in keeping with the Nuzlocke spirit to pass on it, but the rules are first encounter once balls are available. I will, of course, fall on the side of the argument that ensures never having to use a Bunnelby.

Spend a couple minutes grinding on Androssi (I wish, Tower of God reference) until she's strong enough to ensure not getting killed by that trained Zigzagoon waiting before Santalune Forest. Serena then teaches me how to catch Pokemon. Yay.

First encounter in Santalune Forest is Goober the Weedle. Box fodder. I can imagine no circumstance that would or could ever compel me to use Beedrill. Androssi gets some good leveling due to monopolizing all the experience in the woods, with no risk due to abusing Shauna's healing.

I decide to pass on catching anything on Route 3 right now (that water has Magikarp), though that scheme almost goes pear-shaped when I jump off a ledge at the wrong spot and have to traipse through some tall grass. Nothing encountered, though. More experience for Androssi.

Since I have my potential Gyarados on lockdown, I do attempt a capture on Route 22 and get Cleopatra the Litleo. Good grab, though I was aiming for a Psyduck and praying for the rare Riolu. Still, Pyroar will be a boss lady if I can manage to keep her alive through her miserable Litleo stage.

Cleopatra levels up quickly in Santalune Forest, and upon hitting Level 12 it's time to challenge the first gym after letting Androssi pound on the Route 22 trainers. Pidgey out front in the gym, and easily mowing down lower-leveled bugs. Viola is a breeze due to Androssi having a four level advantage over her Vivillon. Bug Badge get.

Bad luck on Route 4 when I get Bridget the Skitty. Because I totally need a third Normal type, yeah? Forever boxed. Get out. Cleopatra gets the trainer workout here, except against the Corphish-toting gardeners.

Return TM acquired outside Lumiose City, taught to Androssi to replace shitty Tackle. Cleopatra gets a new toy as well, Bulldoze TM purchased at the Lumiose Pokemon Center. Defeating Professor Sycamore in battle grants me Leonardo the Squirtle who promptly wanders off while I'm preoccupied with ogling Serena and wanders into one of the Lumiose City restaurants, where one would assume he gets made into turtle soup. You will pay for this insult, Siebold!

...If I don't ragequit long before getting to you. And what am I supposed to do with this Blastoiseite now?

After meeting celebrities because that's apparently what we do in Paris, Fat Kid Tierno Hologram tells me to go to Route 5. Which I do. Androssi evolved into Pidgeotto as a result of the Plusle/Minun Double Battle here. Beat down Tierno and Repel through the tall grass because the captures I'm hoping for (either Skiddo or Pancham) are common in the purple flowers. I wanted Skiddo more, but got Genma the Pancham. Good enough, should get me past Grant at least.

After backtracking a bit to safely train Genma, through Camphrier Town and the events there. Route 7. Really hoping to get a Honedge here, though that would require some epic luck. Which doesn't pan out, but I did get Alraune the Oddish as a consolation. Not so bummed about missing out on Skiddo now. Am still bummed because I don't get to roll the game with Aegislash. I then clear the right side of Route 7 to get the Venoshock TM.

Currently training the mandrake. Will report back later, if I don't pick up Bravely Default and get addicted. Or ragequit again.

Team

Androssi (Pidgeotto) - 20
Cleopatra (Litleo) - 20
Genma (Pancham) - 18
Alraune (Oddish) - 14

Box

Goober (Weedle)
Bridget (Skitty)

Aborted

Tiger (Chespin)
Leonardo (Squirtle)

 

Where were we now? Oh right, training. Before I start training, I see Sesc’s comments and remember that I can evolve my Pilo. I just need a Heart Scale. That won’t be too hard… Right?

WRONG.

First, I had to go get Rock Smash, which I missed previously. I Rock Smashed every rock on that damn beach, that damn bicycle town, and that goddamn glittering cave. Nothing. Fuck it, walkthroughs right now. Serebii tells me where to find a couple Heart Scales and they’re just sitting around town. What a waste of an hour. Vir learns Ancient Power and evolves into THE MAMO.

Excellent.

I train a bit, for Churchy, but my Pumpkaboo's typing is crap. Every fighting-type carries a dark move these days, and poison-types are everywhere. I don’t trust this Pokemon’s survival in the slightest. While I was training, Anya the Virbrava evolved into Flygon. Huzzah! Hello, new Fly slave. I eventually get bored of training and head back to Frost Cavern. I try to avoid trainers where I can, but damn, Anya is bulky now, and when she can’t handle something, there’s always good ol’ Unreadable Characters (UC) to rely on.

Trevor and I get to the last chamber and find three Flare assholes. Two grunts step up. GASP, a double battle with Trevor? I acce- Wait, Trevor, no, battle with me. ;_;

He refuses, and I beat the grunt and admin on my own. Damn it game, let me battle with my other rivals. The Abomasnow is saved and he gives me a Mega Stone. D’aw. The game doesn’t show Abomasnow and Mamo happily reunited, but I imagine it with tears in my eyes. The next route is now unlocked! Thank god.

Mamo gives me a knowing look, and I jump on his back. One day I’ll ride my own Mamo and we’ll visit the stars~

While ploughing through the snow, Mamo steps on a Snover. Interesting. I catch him and name him Monkey. Just before entering the next town, Flare leader guy calls my hologram phone and announces his intentions to kill everyone that’s not in Team Flare. What a jerk.

Anistar town has a nice music track too, but who cares when I get a new clothing store? On the rack is my favorite dress in the entire game, a pink and black one with white sparkles. It also gave me the matching black and white striped socks. Yesss. But to my horror, I realize my hat and purse don’t match. The shoes will do, but my dark blue hat doesn’t quite match, I’d need a black or white felt hat for that. And my purse… all I have is the starting pink one and the yellow one I bought and both clash. Miserably, I wear my pink purse and vow to get to the Luminose store as soon as possible.

Just in case, I check the gate to the next route, and yep, blocked by constructions workers. You can’t keep doing this to me.

Whatever, gym time. The gym throws me onto a weird map, which is kinda cool I guess, but the trainers are so easy to dodge. I meet the gym leader, Olympia, and her head looks abnormally large. I know that’s the regular look, but I’m noticing it now and it’s annoying. Kalas takes out her Siglyph and Slowking with Thunderbolts, and UC uses Nature Power to destroy the Meowstic. I like the female Meowstic’s form way more than the male. The white just looks sleeker.

I get out of the gym and surprise! It’s time to wrap up the Flare plot. I don’t even get to go to the next route.

Let’s see, red café, defeat the waiters, and suddenly Lysandre! What are you doing here, are you that bored? I defeat him easily, no contest. He walks off, leaving me buried in Flare grunts. Damn it, they’re everywhere. Thank god for that one healing room. I get the elevator key and move onto the next level, which consists of a… prison? The tall guy is behind bars. Damn, they didn’t give him a toilet or anything. Lysandre boasts for a bit and the guy, AZ, tells me a story.

I won’t joke here, the story is really good. The music goes perfectly with the images. This one line kills it:

“They gave me a tiny box.”

Chills, man.

So, backstory gotten, I leave AZ behind and go down one more floor. There, Xerosic challenges me. He sends out a Crobat and I lead with Kalas. One Thunderbolt takes it down. Xerosic’s other Pokemon is a Malamar. What a weird Pokemon. I switch out Kalas for UC. Malamar goes first and uses Superpower, which goes about 1/3. Its attack and defence increases. I hate that ability. UC uses Moon Blast, but Malamar just survives. Okay, I can do this- Malamar uses Superpower again. CRIT. UC dies.

wtf wtf wtf

Kalas comes in to avenge UC and his speed guarantees his first hit. One Thunderbolt and it’s over.

Xerosic makes me push a button. I press blue, because of course the blue version is life and the red version, death. I’m right, but Xerosic is an asshole and activates the weapon anyways. I don’t believe this guy’s later redemption story at all. :/

Lysandre has gtfo’d in the meantime, so I follow him back to his Geosenge base. Calem meets me there, and we confront Lysandre. A zoomed-in exchange occurs where Lysandre admits, with a tear running down his cheek, that he’s going to kill all the Pokemon because they’ll only be used as tools. Way to throw away a Pokemon’s choices in the matter. I know this is a video game where Pokemon are tools for battle, but it rubs me the wrong way. I get a super-close up of Calem’s gaping face and I’m like lol.

I beat Lysandre again and then it’s off to basement. Calem follows me. I tell him not to, but he insists. Ugh, this bland rival. Please give him more personality in the third game. Shauna catches up to us and I invite her to tag along, but she doesn’t even follow me. Oh, come on.

In the last double battle, in a moment of whimsy, I lead with Jon the Murkrow against a Houndoom and a Scrafty. I decide to kill the Scrafty with Aerial Ace and I do a chunk, but I get a High-Jump Kick in the face in return. Jon dies, I don’t know what I was expecting.

Here we are, the basement. Six grunts confront us, and while Calem and Shauna lead away two of them, they leave four to me. This wasn't divided correctly at all. I defeat them and Yveltal, the legendary Pokemon of death, awakens! Anya’s in front. First thing I do is throw my only Quick Ball, but it fails. What follows is a sequence of Hyper Potions and Rock Slides until Yveltal is in yellow. I could send it down further, but those Oblivion Wings hurt. I throw an Ultra Ball and Yveltal joins the team!

Lysandre snaps and we have out final fight.

He sends out Mienshao. Yveltal one-shots it. I switch to Anya for Pyroar and Bulldoze it. Honchkrow, I turn to Kalas for a Thunderbolt. Finally, Mega Gyarados. I look at my team, but I’m reluctant sending out my precious Pokemon to fight this thing. So, Yveltal comes back out to Oblivion Wing it to death. Battle won, Team Flare is over.

Lysandre, upset and in despair, brings the machine’s death beam down on his very building. My friends and I somehow get out in time. As I look down into the crater, AZ says a few words and wanders off. I haven’t played X, but people were saying that the machine may have made Lysandre immortal and all he did was bury himself alive. I’m sure the construction crews will get him out eventually, but that guy needs therapy.

OH LOOK, THE NEXT ROUTE IS OPEN.

In the grass I find a Sandslash, who I name Chaos. I stop by a trainer on the way. He sends out a Scolipede, and I have Vir Earthquake it to death. Next is a Pinsir. I keep Vir in because why not? Pinsir moves first, uses Superpower.

MAMO NOOOO.

I’m cursed.

Last thing I do is pop into Terminus Cave. I find a horde of Durant. As usual, I pick off the girls and catch a male, named Zeit.

At least the Flare plot is out of the way. One more badge and then it’s off to the Pokemon League!

Team
Kalas the Heliolisk (level 56). Surf / Thunderbolt / Thunder Wave / Quick Attack.
Anya the Flygon (level 55). Fly / Bulldoze / Rock Slide / Dragon Breath.
Proph the Tentacool (level 28 ). Acid / Toxic Spikes / Surf / Wrap.
Monkey the Snover (level 39). Mist / Ice Shard / Ingrain / Wood Hammer.
Chaos the Sandslash (level 47). Gyro Ball / Swords Dance / Rock Smash / Earthquake.
Zeit the Durant (level 25). Fury Cutter / Bite / Agility / Metal Claw.

Box
Ash the Azurill (level 4).
Irene the Flabebe (level 7).
Stojil the Machop (level 17).
Saot the Stunfisk (level 32).
Kai the Chinchou (level 25).
Proph the Tentacool (level 25).
Churchy the Pumpkaboo (level 49).

Rest in Peace
Lexi the Butterfree (level 11). You weren’t very good anyways.
Zev the Bulbasaur (level 10). Illegal Pokemon are not allowed!
Lucky the Wingull (level 17). Maybe sending you out against a rock-type wasn’t a good idea.
Font the Litleo (level 25). Why are you normal-fire? That’s such a dumb typing.
Blab the Hariyama (level 24). Welp.
Lutris the Siglyph (level 29). I’m so fucking sorry.
Palin the Shedninja (level 23). I tried, you were kinda cool.
Drome the Ninjask (level 38 ). I was dumb and I deserve your anguish.
Tinn the Furfrou (level 43). You were the greatest. Good dog, best friend.
Unreadable Characters the Carbrink (level 54). You will be remembered.
Jon the Murkrow (level 34). Whoops.
Yveltal (level 50). I dunno, guys.
Vir the Mamoswine (level 50). This is why we can’t have nice things.

 

Not too much more done due to work, but I'll toss out a little update here.

Trained up Alraune via Audino abuse on Route 6 (not as quick a process as I might like due to the game being cuntish and sending out Venipedes from the shaking bushes at about a 5:1 ratio to the Audino I needed). But it doesn't take too long, and the process allows her to evolve to Gloom.

Did all the Parfum Palace nonsense, picked up the Amulet Coin and Cut HM.

Back out to Route 7, where I was almost able to catch Queen Brahne the Snorlax. Except, N from the Unova games swooped down on Reshiram at the last second and blasted the tub of guts into oblivion. At least he didn't wreck the bridge.

Dropped into Battle Chateau and looted the rich pricks inside for more lunch money. Also became a Viscount in the doing. Yay.

Double battle with Serena against Dumb and Dumber. Tall grass on Route 6 yields a surprise when Anak the Roselia pops out. Wasn't expecting that kind of luck, would have been nice to have a route earlier with Honedge. Anyway, Roserade trumps the Hell out of either Gloom evolution so I decide to make a switch there.

Back to Route 6 to Audino grind a bit more, and then into Connecting Cave. Zubat or Axew would be nice, and so I use a Honey to attract a horde. Except I get Whismur instead. Bah. Pascal the Whismur caught and boxed.

Route 8 brings more ill luck. I spray on a Repel to get to the yellow flowers, aiming at either a Mienfoo (to replace Pancham once I'm done with Cyllage Gym) or either an Absol or an Inkay (to allow me to evolve Pancham to Pangoro instead). But I get trolled and stumble onto Dante the Zangoose. And that makes two more Normals in a row. Getting increasingly sick of that, not gonna lie.

Ambrette Town gives me the Nature Power TM, which goes onto Anak to replace Growth.

Route 8, hoping like Hell for a Sandile here. Again for the Pancham evolving thing, but more because Krookodile is just plain damned boss and I never seem to get lucky enough to get one in Nuzlocke runs.

No Sandile, Norton the Hippopotas instead. But he's not bad, Impish Nature to boost his good Defense at the expense of useless Special Attack. I can think of worse consolation prizes. But no Dark type and no prospects of getting one anytime soon mean that Genma is likely headed into retirement once I get done with Grant.

And now I'm backtracking a bit to level the hippo.

Team

Androssi (Pidgeotto) - 23
Cleopatra (Litleo) - 22
Genma (Pancham) - 22
Anak (Roselia) - 22
Norton (Hippopotas) - 17

Box

Goober (Weedle)
Bridget (Skitty)
Alraune (Gloom)
Pascal (Whismur)
Dante (Zangoose)

Aborted

Tiger (Chespin)
Leonardo (Squirtle)
Queen Brahne (Snorlax)

 

Man that's a lot of names, Vira. A lotttttt of names.

What I'd do to piss you off. ;_;

 

It could be worse, she could have you pointlessly murdered several times in a row D:

 

Halfway through Couriway Town, Sycamore flags me town. He says he feels at fault that Lysandre went psycho, but he doesn’t seem to care that much and challenges me to a battle! Poor Lysandre, he had no good friends. He starts with Venusaur, I start with Anya the Flygon. Venusaur uses Petal Dance and hits like a motherfucker. I have no choice but to waste Hyper Potions until it gets confused. Then I Fly and murder it. Next, Charizard. One Rock Slide, done. Blastoise. Come on Kalas the Heliolisk, Thunderbolt! Oh, it’s over, that was a fast battle.

I Surf a bit in the river of Couriway and find a Lombre. Exactly what I was looking for. I catch him and name him Kang. I immediately evolve him into a Ludicolo. His dancing animation beings me joy.

Moving on to Route 19. While Sliggoooooo can be found, I’m aiming for Weepinbell, but get a Karrablast. That wasn’t what I was expecting. I name him Sesc. I defeat all the trainers on the route to get some much-needed experience points before moving on. On the bridge, Shauna and the other two guys want to battle. Finally! They’re easily defeated. Calem is apparently elsewhere and good riddance.

Snowbelle is beautiful. And it has a clothing shop! I won’t confirm or deny that I spent 100k there. The gym leader is gone, so I follow him to the Wandering Woods. I’m searching for a Jigglypuff to get some fairy help, but a horde interrupts me and grants me a choice of Treveants. My team is getting low on females, so I choose a girl called Lyrium. In the Pokemon Village, I urge the gym leader back to his gym and try again for a Jigglypuff, but again get a fucking horde. This time, of Foongus. I catch a male, which I’m obligated to name Lungs.

Now, the gym. Ice is a terrible type for me right now, with Ms. 2x weak to ice Flygon and Mr. not very bulky Heliolisk as my two best Pokemon. I have Chaos the Sandslash, and Lyrium the Treveant, both weak to ice. Kang the Dancing Pokemon is neutral to ice, but isn’t the strongest. And then there’s Sesc the Karrablast. His evolution would be very useful, but he only evolves by trade with a Shelmet. I look at the DLP Online List, looking for someone I could use, but out of laziness, I decide I can live without a Escavailer.

My mistake.

The inside of this gym is crazy. Who paid for this? Do the taxpayers know the gym leader wasted their money on this? Either way, it’s annoying. I get to the end eventually and I manually heal my Pokemon because no way am I doing that puzzle again.

Wulfric sends out an Abomasnow first. I lead with Kalas the Heliolisk. I’m wary of Wood Hammer, but it’s not like I can switch. I Thunderbolt and do about one-third. Abomasnow uses Ice Beam, does the same. Hail tinkles down, doing damage to Kalas, but I Thunderbolt on. I get Abomasnow down to red, but with agony, I watch Wulfric use a Hyper Potion. There’s only so much I can do. I Thunderbolt again. Abomasnow uses Ice Beam. CRIT.

Kalas dies.

God fucking damn it.

I send out Anya and a Fly finishes the Abomasnow off. Next is a Cyrogonal. A Rock Slide does that in. Finally there’s this thing, Avalugg. As soon as I see that name, I’m like fuck no. I switch to Kang and use Toxic. It misses. Avalugg uses Avalanche. It does about half. I finally land a Toxic, only to die. I need to be patient. I send in Chaos and use Earthquake. It does little but if I can waste enough time…

Chaos dies quickly. Sesc is powerful but Avalugg is a beast and murders him. Toxic is doing about 1/5 now. I send in Anya. I use Rock Slide. Avalugg flinches. Wulfric uses a Hyper Potion, I Rock Slide. Toxic is acting quickly. Just a bit more. I Fly. Avalugg misses with Avalanche and dies to poison.

Four down. That was awful.

There’s only two routes left, two chances to get new Pokemon. I go to the last proper route. I’m aiming for an Ursaring, but nothing ever goes as planned. I get an Altaria, named Titus. Hello, another ice-weak Pokemon. Before I move on, I realize there’s one more place I can go. I Fly to Laverre and fish up a Poliwhirl, a girl. Great, I’m out of girl names. I refuse to leave my chair to look up a name, so I think. Oh, of course. I name her Shezza. One Water Stone later, and she’s a Poliwrath.

Next is Victory Road. One more name slot. WHO WILL GET THE FABLED LAST NAME?

Team
Anya the Flygon (level 55). Fly / Bulldoze / Rock Slide / Dragon Claw.
Titus the Altaria (level 51). Dragon Dance / Flamethrower / Cotton Guard / Dragon Pulse.
Shezza the Poliwrath (level 35). Bulk Up / Body Slam / Waterfall / Payback.
Lyrium the Treveant (level 32). Growth / Will-O-Wisp / Feint Attack / Shadow Claw.
Zeit the Durant (level 29). Bug Bite / Bite / Agility / Metal Claw.
Kai the Chinchou (level 26). Ice Beam / Confuse Ray / Thunderbolt / Surf.

Box
Ash the Azurill (level 4).
Irene the Flabebe (level 7).
Stojil the Machop (level 17).
Saot the Stunfisk (level 32).
Proph the Tentacool (level 25).
Churchy the Pumpkaboo (level 50).
Lungs the Foongus (level 25).
Proph the Tentacool (level 28 ).

Rest in Peace
Lexi the Butterfree (level 11). You weren’t very good anyways.
Zev the Bulbasaur (level 10). Illegal Pokemon are not allowed!
Lucky the Wingull (level 17). Maybe sending you out against a rock-type wasn’t a good idea.
Font the Litleo (level 25). Why are you normal-fire? That’s such a dumb typing.
Blab the Hariyama (level 24). Welp.
Lutris the Siglyph (level 29). I’m so fucking sorry.
Palin the Shedninja (level 23). I tried, you were kinda cool.
Drome the Ninjask (level 38 ). I was dumb and I deserve your anguish.
Tinn the Furfrou (level 43). You were the greatest. Good dog, best friend.
Unreadable Characters the Carbrink (level 54). You will be remembered.
Jon the Murkrow (level 34). Whoops.
Yveltal (level 50). I dunno, guys.
Vir the Mamoswine (level 50). This is why we can’t have nice things.
Monkey the Abomoasnow (level 41). I can’t remember how he died and that tells you how much I cared.
Kalas the Heliolisk (level 56). You were pretty interesting, I might use your species again one day.
Kang the Ludicolo (level 50). I didn’t mean for you to die, it just happened.
Chaos the Sandslash (level 52). You were just filler anyways.
Sesc the Karrablast (level 51). If only I wasn’t lazy.

 

Was the badge worth it you monster? Was it worth it?

 

Vira I feel obligated at this moment to tell you that you can catch a pokemon at the rich guy's house where you got cut in his moat. Also if you head left directly after getting down the stairs from the fossil town you can make your way down the coast and technically end up back in the city but with water to fish.

 

So, I totally want that last name slot