We Vileplume now, fam.

I feel like I'm going to die a horrible haxxy death to Wallace

 

I still can't stop smiling everytime I see the Ninetales named Eightlegs.
Also, I remember using a Ninetales in white2. It was good for a while but began to really fall off at the higher levels with the special attack just not cutting it, hope you have better luck with him than I had.

 

Update incoming but first I have to ask. What's the consensus with fossil Pokemon? I picked up a Root Fossil. Does that count as my desert catch or do I bring it to life and wonder trade it?

 

I counted my fossil as my desert catch and a gift Pokemon, but I decided that because I really wanted to wonder trade something.

 

I go with trade, but your nuzlocke so it's your rules. You could do something like flip a coin, heads you keep the fossil and release your previous/next catch, tails vice versa.

 

I treat Fossils as gifts in all my runs. I wouldn't be using one at any rate.

Also, can I just say Seratin (Hariyama) may be a one trick pony, but it's a damn effective one?

 

Okay so because of irl shit I've had a lot of time to play and very little to post an update. Therefore, this is a bit larger than normal.
Oment, I forgot to write down that Zigzagoon had both evolved into Linoone and that I was saving Kirlia for a Dawn Stone. This episode I got tired of waiting and just let him evolve into a cross dresser.


---


I begin by grinding a little to get Aekiel closer to the rest of the team and pick off the trainers on Route 111. I get to Fiery path and instantly run into another Numel. I'm not running species clause so I have to catch it. TeeMdee joins the team because Pokemon is gay these days and it wouldn't let me enter TMD in case it was racist slang or some shit.

The other end of Fiery path is a pretty rugged region and as I'm passing through the grass rustles. A red exclamation point appears on my Pokenav and I squeel in excitement. Well, I grunt in manly excitement.

Sneaking up reveals that it's an over leveled Machop with Fire Punch. Hnnnnghhhhgghhh.

He gets the ball to the face treatment and I name him Omentwo. He's level27, pretty much on par with my team and I'm forced to box someone. Thaumologist the Volbeat goes into the box for a while because there's a fire gym coming up and Machop is just better. I don't feel too bad because this is Nuzlocke and chances are my team will wipe at some point.

It should be noted that Vira the Kadabra and Tarsal the Kirlia are absolute wrecking balls who are taking zero shit from anything.

I clear out the trainers at the top of Route 111 with frequent trips to the healing house where an old woman is living alone. She keeps trying to get me to stay and I'm getting quite creeped out but also feel pretty bad for her. Seriously. She lives on her own in the middle of fucking nowhere. She gets a visitor for the first time in who knows how long and is all like, "Please, don't leave. If you want you can dress in my son's old clothes. He's gone now..."

I gtfo of dodge and go towards the Volcanic ash route where I meat May and hope for a battle but no, she heals my already fully healed team instead. GOOD JOB, MAY.

I dive headfirst into the grey grass hoping for a Skarmory. That would be pretty dope but unfortunately I get a Sandshrew. Could be worse and it could be very useful for my showdown with Flannery so I ball it in the face and name it Mattsilver.

Next up, Cozmo gets kidnapped. Gotta love that plot progression.

Also, this is where shit goes south.

I run into a Swablu near Lanette's house, name him Jon and box him. Shortly after, Aekiel the Numel eats a critstab Karate chop and goes down. Was not expecting that.

My anger is taken out swiftly on Team Aqua Shelley and her crewmate and May teleports us magically to Mauville where I lay Aekiel to rest and immediately replace him with TeeMdeethe other Numel.

I stick on Exp Share and run both TeeMDee and Mattsilver the Sandshrewin my team. Hoping to get them up to scratch before Flannery.

I can't remember the specifics but Mattsilver dies in training and I fume for a while.

It's okay. It gives me the anger and purpose I need to wipe Archie all over the slopes of Mt. Chimney. Omentwo the Machoke (He evolved) takes great pleasure in fighting the many dark types and becomes my heaviest hitter in no time.

I travel south to Lavaridge through Jagged pass and I encounter...

DUM DUM DUMMMMMMM.

Another Numel.

Which is good because very shortly after, TeeMDee the Numel bites the dust and for the life of me I can't even remember how.

I leave Mindless the Numel in the box, convinced I'm not meant to raise one and I wonder how the hell I'm going to beat Flannery without risking losing one of my big three.

I hatch wynaut and wonder trade him away, taking me a long time. A very very long time before I get another Lvl 1. A Clauncher.

I've only met one of these guys and never raised one. I know nothing about it apart from the fact that it's a water type who doesn't excite me as much as Kingler.

I grind for a while but I get really impatient and decide to challenge Flannery gung ho.

I love the design of Lavaridge gym but holy shit is it slow to get around.

Machoke's Rock tomb is genuinely ridiculous and between it and Stab Wake-up slap, I clear out the gym. The only interesting thing in the Flannery battle is her dialogue and cute sprite. Blagh, she's dead. No losses.

I exit the gym and May teleports us to Petalburg where I'm not gonna lie, I take no shit. I just want to get to eastern Hoenn where I can grind more efficiently so I blast through the No reduction, Speed and strength doors before using Machoke to absolutely humiliate my father. Slaking both go down in two hits and Vigoroth is a straight up OHKO with Wake-up slap.

I now haven't lost a Pokemon in a gym battle since Roxanne. The fucking bitch.

I go through the whole Steven thing with Latias and immediately put it upon wonder trade where I get a lvl 1 Rhyhorn. I am decidedly okay with this.

Oh and as a side note, I traveled to the desert, got a root fossil, revived it, wonder traded it and got a fucking Luvdisc which went straight to the box and hopefully will never see the light of day.

Oh and Vira traded with me to evolve Tarsal and... Vira.



Current Team

Vira the Alakazam - lvl 35 F
- Psycho Cut, reflect, Disable, Psybeam

Omentwo the Machamp -lvl 35 M
- Fire Punch, Rock Tomb, Dual Chop, Wake-up slap

Tarsal the Gardevoir -lvl 39 M
- Psychic, Disarming Vooice, Calm Mind, Magical Leaf

Clauncher the Clauncher - lvl 17 M
- Surf, bubble, water sport, Vice grip.

Rhyhorn the Rhyhorn - lvl 6 F
-Horn attack, Tail whip, Magnitude, Iron tail

Drome the Loudred - lvl 35 F
-Bite, Strength, Screech, Rock smask


In Daycare

LT2000 the Linoone
Jon the Swablu

In Hades

Lord Raven the Taillow
Oment the Wingull
Poytin the Beautifly
Aekiel the Numel
TeemDee the Numel
Mattsilver the sandshrew

Boxed

Vlad the Zubat
Ollie King the Linoone
Minless the Numel
Luvdisc the Shitheap
Thaumologist the Volbeat.

 

If you can get a few Heart Scales, Clawitzer has a few coverage moves you'll probably love, @Seratin.
____________________________________

It’s 0:46 local time, I’m a 10 year old kid, so what better thing to do than challenge the local Gym? At least I’m not wandering outside getting kidnapped by nefarious individuals, right officer?

Minion sweeps through the Gym Trainer Pokémon – we’re still on the pseudo-Monotype run by the way, what with Whiscash and Relicanth being used. There’s a Wobbuffet too, but careful application of copious Constricts means its counterattacking capabilities are cancelled.

Okay, as far as Legendaries goes, this is a pretty good one to see on Roark. You see, Lugia don’t have damaging moves early on in this game – neither do Ho-Oh for that matter. There are Safeguards, and a few Whirlwinds until Minion is dragged out and puts the bird out of its misery. Haunter Lick-paralyses Minion, probably in ecstatic pleasure if I know Minion, but Psybeam still hits and one-shots it. Ninjask replaces Cranidos, and while it is an annoying Pokémon to fight, what with Double Team, Powder Snow does kill it. Eh, I’ve had worse fights.

I pick up Seratin from the bar and teach him how to smash rocks and head to Oreburgh Gate. A swear or two comes out when I find out I could have gotten a Bagon instead of a dead Zubat on the main path, but I make my way to the Fire-type-and-Fossil infested lower part of the gate. What I mean by Fire-type infested? Oh, you know, the usual. Quilava, Camerupt, Heatran… There are Cranidos and Rampardos here as well, and it makes for great leveling. Just from regular encounters while picking up TM70 and a Big Pearl Seratin gains rough level parity with the rest of my party.

Ah, Team Galactic. Let’s see what you bring to… Luxray and Mamoswine?! Well, let me just Vital Throw you two around. Seratin shoots from level 12 to 15 in the fight while Dawn’s Snubbull only lowers enemy stats. And with him hitting level 15 and 69hp, I go off to the Pokémon Center. I have rituals to perform in the dead of night. I’m sure the local police department will welcome the extra work, though I am not sure what they’ll make of the fashion accessories at the scene…

I don’t know what your Dad’s been drinking, son, but keep him on it if he confuses a Magikarp for a Torterra.

A Ledyba accosts me as I try to navigate the Ravaged Path. It is beaten to death, skinned, and the meat is fed to Zeelthor. I keep the bones, few as they are. Never know when they might come in useful.

Valley Windworks, home to that fucking Purugly. Normally. Arceus only knows what it’ll be this time. We let the grunt lock himself in and I resist the urge to set fire to the building. For one, I don’t have a Fire-type Pokémon, and I draw the line at murdering humans. I suppose the little girl would be sad too if I did that, but eh, she’ll get over it. Oh well, off to get the other key it is. They put up a bit more of a fight than TMD’s grunts do, considering his had Zubats and mine had Nidoqueen and Linoone, but eh.

Point of order question: I can use Honey on the lone tree in the Meadow. Does this count as a separate capture area?

Before going in, I head into the Valley Windworks grass, and find Drome the Meganium. She tries to resist capture, even going as far as to poison herself on Zenzao’s Synchronise. Such dedication must be rewarded with a place in my team, surely, and she earns her place by beating a Galactic Ditto-turned-Meganium and shredding a Corsola. Oh, and poisoning Mars’s Gardevoir before I switch out to Zenzao for tanking purposes. She gets poisoned herself in the process, but eh, it tears through the fucking Double Team spamming Gardevoir.

Gardevoir and Dusknoir. Dusknoir even has an Oran Berry, and soon, it wears Zeelthor down between Confuse Ray, Astonish, and Disable. Minion is up next, but Confuse Ray also wears him down while leaving Dusknoir on 1hp. Vira comes in to land the killing blow, and I avoid having to bury one of my other Pokémon. Somehow. I had three Pokémon in the red and one poisoned after that fight, but with Teleport, the Pokémon Center is always nearby if I want it to be.

A Skorupi is found, but it exceeds the amount of Pokéballs I want to spend on it, and so it dies.

What is it with route 205 and Sand Attack spammers? I had a Vaporeon and a Pidgeotto do that to me. Also, Uxie on the Aroma Lady, and a Mewtwo on a Picknicker. Giovanni must have been busy, creating all these artificial Pokémon. I’m just glad it doesn’t appear to have learned Swift yet.

Hi there Cheryl. I wonder what you have. I decide to play the partners semi-strict: I have to (try to) catch either of the first Pokémon I encounter. I can, of course, influence which, but it still counts as a potential capture. So, into the grass I go to find out if Cheryl’s Chansey replacement is any good, and to check what is around here.

[imgur]pXdV0rP[/imgur]

Well. That happened.

I throw a few cheeky balls while poison whittles away at the Suicune, but as you might expect, that didn’t work. Ninetales, like I think most Gen I Stone evolutions, learns no new moves from level-up and its base moveset doesn’t even include Flamethrower.

Funny thing is: there were amazing options for Pokémon here. Riolu can find a place in any team, also considering you get a Soothe Bell. I had another chance for a Skorupi. Piplup are found here. I saw a Yanma as well: Yanmega is great and I don’t use it as much as I should. There are also Jirachi here, which I gladly kill before wishing upon their corpse to give me the strength to get through this forest. It’s going to be a herculean task, given my sidekick is fucking useless. Seriously, its moveset is Leech Life, Fury Swipes, Sand Attack, Mind Reader. It’s not actively detrimental, but it’s close.

It wasn’t meant to be. I know the medicham line doesn’t have Fighting-type moves at this level – they come ridiculously late and that has put me off using one more than once – but they do know Hidden Power. I’m going to guess it was Fighting-type, but it matters not. Zeelthor eats a crit from 80 %-ish health and dies. Minion exacts bloody wrath.

The rest is a bit of a blur. I vaguely recall Barry dragging me along to somewhere, and I dive into the grass, coming out with no Pokéballs left and a broken and battered Naeblis the Typhlosion stuffed in a Net Ball. I think I’ll head back to Eterna Forest to make an effigy out of Jirachi corpses now.

Party:
Minion the Octillery, L18, M. Water Gun, Constrict, Psybeam, Aurora Beam.
Vira the Seaking, L17, F. Peck, Horn Attack, Supersonic, Water Pulse.
Zenzao the Xatu, L19, M. Peck, Night Shade, Lucky Chant, Teleport.
Seratin the Hariyama, L17, M. Tackle, Rock Smash, Sand Attack, Vital Throw.
Drome the Meganium, L19, F. Tackle, Razor Leaf, Synthesis, Poisonpowder.
Naeblis the Typhlosion, L14, M. Leer, Smokescreen, Ember, Quick Attack.

Listening to music at the G-Raveyard:
Republic the Larvitar, L5, M. Have a mint, Giratina, please.
Zeelthor the Glalie, L18, M. Ice did not suffice.

Legendaries encountered: 6 (11 total)

 

I died as I lived.

 

Just checked Clauncher's tutor moves, Oment. Water pulse and Dragon pulse stand out because its ability powers up Aura and Pulse moves which sounds slightly OP. I'm fonder of the shrimp already.

You're getting a 2.0 at some stage, Matt. I remember screaming HAX during your death so I clearly felt unjustly treated.

In fact, even though I can't name the traded Pokemon, I'm going to refer to Clauncher's as Mattwo from now on.

 

Part 4

Getting bored of leveling after 2 wild kills, we head back into town and give the EXP Share to Vira. Oment swaps out his boxing gloves for some gasoline, and we start to run through the gym. One trainer in and Vira wants to join the fun, evolving into a Luxio.

We spam flame wheel as fast as we can and clean up the three trainers in the gym, moving straight on to Gardenia without bothering to heal. Her Turtwig comes out as an impressive level 20, but it still gets OHKOd. Her Cherrim manages to survive the first flame wheel, but despite the leader's super potion it joins the pile of burning weeds. Roserade comes out last at 22 and gets OHKOd. Easy pickings. We stroll out with our second badge to the sound of screams and bush fires.

We need a bike, and the bike salesman has been horribly impolite by getting kidnapped during opening hours - so it's up to us to free him. Heading over to the Star Trek Fan Club HQ, we're forced to teach Oment Cut to get in. Once inside, it's a case of just mercilessly killing all the Galactards and their 'mons. We progress steadily through until we meet the admin Jupiter. Her first Pokemon dies to a flame wheel, before she sends out a Level 23 Skunktank. Surprisingly, this thing eats a flame wheel from Oment without losing more than 25% of it's HP. It counters with a poison cloud, and Oment looks to have a wee case of Ebola. No worries, on autopilot I switch him out to the now obediant Seratin to get some psychic obliration.

It all happens in slow motion.

I pick Confusion, and look at Seratin's pitiful max HP of 45. In the time it takes for those electrical signals to travel from my eyes to my occipital lobe, it's already too late. Skunktank uses night slash. Seratin looks back at me almost quizically, as if to ask why I was such a fucking mug, before the dark type move shreds his spoon to bits and the purple glow fades from his eyes.

Palindrome comes out immediately to rip the overgrown skunk to bits, and I curse myself in frustration. I had 10 antidotes in my bag, but uncertainty about Skunktank's typing or moveset made me not want to risk keeping Oment in. Rookie mistake. Galactadmin Jupiter dealt with, we rescue the bike shop man and head over to the Pokemon Centre. Not many words are exchanged, and we send Seratin over to the grave box.

Trying to ignore the fact that it's suddenly raining, we get stopped by Cynthia again who gives us an egg to hatch, and we move on to the cycling road on our shiny new wheels. We happy slap a few fools off their bikes, South London style, and head down into the grass on Route 206 for our encounter of the area. Several Geodudes later and we add Cheddar the Ponyta to the happy family, and he gets sent over to the box. Annoyingly, the very next wild pokemon we encounter is a Gligar which we're forced to kill.

We also come across the Wayward Cave which will probably be part of the story later on, but one encounter in and Zenzao the Bronzor joins the team. The Steel/Psychic typing is very cool, so i'm excited for something to die so that I can add Metagross-lite to the lineup. 2 more seconds in the cave and the constant Geodude/Zubat encounters are annoying af, so combined with the lack of Flash we just leave.

Our egg hatches into a Togepi (surprise, surprise) as we roll back into Oreburgh town, and I don't like the Togepi line so it gets thrown into the PC and Zenzao joins the First VI. Cycling back to Eterna City, I try to decide which of the entrances I want to try for Mt. Coronet since there appears to be two on this side. Since the last gym I fought was in Eterna I figure the game designers would want me to go this way. Stopping by in the pokemon centre, I spot a green haired loon with a camera man. A quick conversation and they challenge me to a battle, clearly wishing to document my greatness.

Greatness in full flow, I don't hold back against their magnemite and ralts. Oment and Palindrome suddenly burst out onto the floor of the Pokemon Centre (the latter causing quite a few screams). A flame wheel melts the Magnemite, and Palindrome snacks on the psychic veggie with a Bite. 2 OHKOs, a fire extinguisher on Nurse Joy's hair and some damage compensation later we stroll out of the building before the cops can arrive. Best of all, Palindrome got pissed at the lack of a meal the Ralts provided and learned how to Dragon Rage.

We hop on our bike and cruise east out of town to route 211. Not three steps into the grass and we meet our encounter for the area! Dissapointingly, it's a level 14 Meditite. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind Medicham...but i've got Fighting and Psychic both covered already. Still, it's always good to have solid backups in a Nuzlocke so we send over Giovanni the Meditite to the PC.

Praying that we can get out the other side soon, we crush one last fatman and step into the dark of the mountain.
______________

Current Team

Oment the Monferno - Level 28, M
Scratch, Mach Punch, Flame Wheel, Fury Swipes

Vira the Luxio - Level 22, F
Tackle, Bite, Charge, Spark

Iron Rose the Geodude - Level 20, F
Rollout, Magnitude, Rock Smash, Rock Throw

Palindrome the Gyarados - Level 23, F
Splash, Tackle, Bite, Dragon Rage

Fontisian the Zubat - Level 16, F
Leech Life, Supersonic, Astonish, Bite

Zenzao the Bronzor - Level 18, M
Confusion, Hypnosis, Imprison, Confuse Ray

In the PC

Thaum the Pachirisu
Newcomb the Budew
Cheddar the Ponyta
Jarizok the Chingling
DLPotter the Togepi
Giovanni the Meditite

Gone to a better place

Taure the Machop - Status Unknown
Seratin the Kadabra - Murdered by a skunk

 

I fucking hate Skuntank.

 

What the everlasting fuck.

/me points at his goddamn avatar.

 

I am terrible at remembering avatars and hadn't seen yours for a bit. Also, I derped in general.

At least you're not dead.

 

Am I just destined to die in pointless ways in these Nuzlocke runs?

 

Until one of us bags a Noctowl I'd say yes.

Also for anyone interested in a Nuzlocke, Fire Red Omega is a great third gen Rom that adds all third gen Pokemon to Kanto as well as a few new areas. I'd link but I'm on mobile and you all know how to operate Google.

 

Drome's Randomiser Nuzlocke - Part I

Well now! Hello. I couldn't just sit idly by as the Nuzlocke craze returned in full hype - so may I present the Emerald Randomiser DLPlocke?

The randomiser I'm using is only for Emerald and has a lot of cool features that I've been dying to try out for a while now. This might just be insane, but we're cranking randomisation up near as high as we can go, which is quite high as it turns out. The only thing that's turned off is finding legendaries in the wild, because god forbid we could use one of those world-destroying wrecking balls.

Randomiser Features:
------------------------

• Every Pokemon line's type is randomised
• To help distinguish Pokemon by sight, palettes are changed to reflect typings
• Every move is randomised (no STAB for you)
• Every found item is randomised (may kill me early or make me massively OP, either works)
• Starter options and route Pokemon are randomised
• Pokemon base stats are randomised - they're only swapped around
  though, so a Pokemon will always have the same base stats, just in a different distribution

RULES
-------

• Standard Nuzlocke rules apply
• No-repeat clause
• Each poor soul about to be sacrificed must be named after a fellow DLP member

Well. Wish me luck. I might need it on this one.

Part I - A Veritable Rainbow
==================
<< Previous || Part I || Next >>

Elm, screaming in horror as he's chased by some pokemon, pleads with us to take up a pokeball from his satchel and save the day. Gladly! Let's see what you've got here, professor.



At a glance, the choice is between:

1. Fighting-type Abra
   
   Well hello, Alolan-form abra. You look pretty badass!​
2. Grass-type Pikachu
   
   Pikachu looks a bit like a bogey from a really sick person. I mean, it's not awful. It could be worse: it could be...​
3. Puke-type Aron ??
   
   I'm not sure what type this is meant to be, but it disgusts and saddens me.
   ​

It's a no-brainer: it's gotta be the Abra. As it turns out, I was wrong on the typing: so welcome to the team Seratin the Dark-type Abra. Evolution shouldn't be too much of a problem as the randomiser has an option to deal with trade-dependent shenanigans - Seratin just needs to stick around long enough for it to be an option.



As we're drawn into battle, we learn that the Pokemon Elm was being chased by was none other than a male Gardevoir. No wonder Elm was running. I had rock tomb and made short work of Gardevoir, despite its potentially lethal metronome.



So Seratin has... torrent. Hmm. I'm certain that this will be really handy. Going by his stats, Seratin's highest have landed in both defence and special defence. This will make him a formidable wall, but only time will tell whether he develops the HP to put it to use. Or gets any moves that would make tanking more bearable.

After walloping Brendan and his dumb green Pikachu, it's time to start catching Pokemon. The first encounter is a deep purple Exeggcute who... uses all my goddamn pokeballs. What. What is that catch rate!? Reluctantly, I kill it and look into scrounging up the cash for more balls. The next route yields a white, awesome looking Vulpix!



I dub thee Cheddar, the Rock-Type Vulpix. Cheddar has magma armor, an ability I've barely even heard of before that prevents freezing, and knows heat wave which has 100 base power. Niiice.

And holy shit is Cheddar amazing. The more I use her the better she gets: softboiled at level 5, then covet, which lets you steal a Pokemon's held item. Conveniently enough in the last route there was a blue Wurmple that held leftovers. Heheheh. I think you see where this is going. Six items and a bit of grinding later and off we set, drowning in food remains.

The next 'mon to show up is a Swablu that looks a lot like a berry. We catch her and call her Vira, the Fire-Type Swablu. After that, we help Wally catch a weird Kecleon with our dad's level 7 Rhydon (his rampant cheating is probably why we don't live with him), and head out to the next route where we find Ollie, the Water-Poison Poliwag.


Pictured: Vira vs. the bug-catcher that went too far


Ollie's plus side is his literal plus side.



In Petalburg woods, fortune strikes. This gorgeous Pokemon is MattSilver, the Water-Ghost Torchic. Like his namesake, Matt knows swagger, has terrible breath, and will inevitably look more and more like a dick as he grows older.

I managed to find a TM for Shadow Ball, a STAB move for my newest addition. With a powerful move under his belt and decent stats, Matt rapidly became an integral part of the team. He then went on to one-shot a drought Ekans I was hoping to catch by the berry shop - thanks Matt.



Cheddar continues to win 'best moveset' award by learning Calm Mind. Meanwhile, Matt nearly dies when he tanks a trainer's overpowered dragon-type Ampharos, but evolves immediately for his trauma!



Good to have you on board, you strangely phallic chicken you.


:^)

----

Team:

• Seratin the Dark-type Abra
• Cheddar, the Rock-Type Vulpix
• MattSilver, the Water-Ghost Combusken
• Vira, the Fire-Type Swablu
• Ollie, the Water-Poison Poliwag

<< Previous || Part I || Next >>

 

I am so flabber-fucked by Water-Ghost Combusken that I'm not entirely sure I can make it.

 

I am writing this from a hotel room. Outside my window, the sky is clear, the first time in days, but it doesn’t make me feel much better.

This is how it starts:

At first, after reaching Lilycove, I didn’t know what to do. Nerds were blocking the Aqua entrance and I searched Mt. Chimney for that secret hideout, but found nothing. Eventually I shrugged and went on a shopping spree for my new base, and after watering my Sitrus Berries, broke down and went to Uncle Google. He pointed me towards Stateport where a bunch of red shirts were standing in front of the boat place. I wander over and catch Team Aqua making off with the submarine. ‘This looks like a job for someone else,’ I think and try to leave, but the ship guy grabs my legs and begs.

Fucking fine. -.-

I enter the Aqua hideout and snoop around, but that’s hard when there’s a language barrier. I get right into Aqua’s inner sanctum to watch Archie making a getaway. Tsk. I get on TMD the Azumarill and take off, using a Max Repel to help in my long journey. Ten seconds of Surfing later, I arrive in Mossdeep. Does this game need to take the personality out of everything that was once good? To not waste my repel, I mosey up to Shoal Cave. It’s low tide and I go down into the ice cavern with a Pokemon in mind. However, I’m in a restaurant so I can’t turn my volume up and no dust clouds turn up anyways. Whatever, I have a perfect full team, I don’t need a Snorunt.

However, I do run around and pick up Sorrows the Sealeo. She’s nearly as big as Monkey the Vileplume and that’s no easy feat. After, I challenge a couple trainers around the cave and go back to Mossdeep, staring deeply into the sea. There are many trainers to fight out there, but I refuse with great reasons such as:

1. It’s boring.
2. I don’t wanna.
3. No one’s died in days, let’s try not lower the difficulty any more.
4. It’s booooooorrrinnnng.

I challenge the gym instead. You have to touch a stone to float across a series of lights to get to the leader. I suppose all gyms must have their gimmicks. I try not to let Van the Absol slaughter everyone but I fail and we’re blood-soaked by the time we get to the twins. They send out rock-types. I shake my head. They look at me in determination. I send out TMD.

The leaders last two rounds. I’m very disappointed in myself. They should have only lasted one. I’m losing my touch.

I cross my fingers as I exit the gym. Please don’t be hijacked by the plot, please don’t hijacked by the plot… An emerald light goes up in the distance and I sigh. The woes of being the best. Steven gives me Dive and since TMD has no room to learn it, I sub Van out for Sorrows. Van’s bloodlust is sated, he can rest for a while. First thing I do is get to Sootopolis to get it on my map and then I find the underwater cavern. The only detour I make is into the seaweed to capture MattSilver the Chinchou.

Well, the reboot didn’t change the layout of this cave, at least. When a repel runs out, I’m beset by a Graveler, but I run away because I don’t need any more Pokemon like that. My team is perfect.

No one poses a challenge, not even Archie. The battles pass like mist, escaping from my hands when I try to remember. When the rain begins, Archie understands what he’s wrought, but of course it’s up to the ten-year-old to save the day. I fly to Sootopolis and meet a bunch of people. They yammer and I listen politely, wondering when to interject that I don’t speak French. At the entrance to the cave, Archie gives me the Blue Orb, but whatever. I just want this plot over with.

I walk for a long time. Thaum the Dragonair is out front and I find a wild Golbat. I try to run, but she doesn’t let me. Thaum uses Dragon Rush but the Golbat holds on, and I recognize potential when I see it. I catch her and name her Sera.

Some forgotten things rise in my head and as I recognize the layout of these caves, something whispers, ‘Earthquake, Earthquake, EARTHQUAKE, WHERE IS IT-’ Ah, Earthquake TM. No one can learn it but it’s the thought that counts. At the bottom of the well I meet Kyogre and don a blue diving suit. Kyogre proceeds to take me underwater. Kyogre, I’m embarrassed to note, is the size of a dolphin. C’mon man, at least try.

Once I’m at the bottom and get off, Kyogre leaves me there and waits in the water. I explore the little cave. What am I doing here? Kyogre is obviously waiting there to take me back to the surface when I do the thing I need to do, but what is it? I go through a door and find a normal-looking cave. Huh… Why does this confusing situation feel familiar? I go back, suspicious, and interact with Kyogre, who attacks!

Okay, hold the phone. Why did Kyogre give me a Disney Park ride before battling me? Did he want no witnesses to my murder? I was given a diving suit especially for this occasion, so did everyone else know this was going to happen? It doesn’t make any sense. My first/last playthrough, I went into the normal cavern and got out of the cave, not knowing I was supposed to interact with Kyogre. Ugh, it makes my head hurt.

Kyogre grabs my attention and I remember I’m battling him. I lead with TMD just for this occasion. TMD, due to being Font the Skarmory’s partner in walling, is usually a level higher than everyone else. He’s also fairly defensive. So when I send him out, I expect results. Kyogre starts with an Aqua Ring and I hit it with a Play Rough, doing about a quarter. It counters with Ancient Power, which I ignore. My goals here are beyond its comprehension. I keep hitting it with Play Rough until it’s down to a sliver of HP.

I’m seen a Pokemon already in this cave, but who can pass up a legendary? I wouldn’t use him, I just want him. So I chuck an Ultra Ball at it, expecting the low capture rate that box legendaries having typically gotten this decade.

It breaks out but never fear, more Ultra Balls.

You know where this is going.

I’m too blinded by greed that when Kyogre breaks out of the third Ultra Ball, I barely notice as an Ancient Power gets a crit and sends the already struggling TMD to his death. Um. I look at my team, cotton in my head. I’ll just send out Monkey, who can wall any water attack. I need a Giga Drain to finish this thing off. So, that’s what I do, but the Kyogre is obviously faster.

It uses Ice Beam.

UM.

Monkey dies. He dies hard.

Now I’m two Pokemon down, four left. Two, Thaum and Octopus the Ninetales, are giving me a ‘don’t you be that stupid’ glare, while Font is edging away, holding a sign that says, ‘NOT SPECIAL WALL.’

I have one hope and that is Van. But even he is not fast enough to outspeed and I cringe, looking away, then opening an eye. Van lives an Ancient Power with 4HP, gets off the Night Slash, and wins the battle. A cutscene plays, but I don’t watch. My thoughts are elsewhere, at the bodies I was forced to leave behind in that cave. They will never be found. My loyal friends. Buried forever in a watery grave.

I thought I was invincible and maybe I am.

But my Pokemon are not.

Current Team.
Font the Skarmory. L41, F. Steel Wing, Fly, Secret Power, Not Sure.
Thaumologist the Dragonair. L41, M. Aqua Tail, Dragon Rush, Dragon Dance, Extreme Speed.
VanRopen the Absol. L41, M. Night Slash, Detect, Psycho Cut, Can't Remember.
Octopus the Ninetales. L40, M. Flamethrower, Extrasensory, Calm Mind, Will-O-Wisp.

Boxed.
Kalas the Drifloon. L1, M.
Halt the Clampearl. L25, M.
Lyrium the Caterpie. L2, F.
Oment the Lunatone. L35, M
Sorrows the Sealeo. L34, F.
MattSilver the Chinchou. L25, M.
Sera the Golbat. L31, F.

Rest in Peace.
Kang the Silcoon. L8, M. I suppose some butterflies aren't meant to be.
Seratin the Zubat. L12, M. You tried your best and that's all that matters.
Tinn the Whismur. L18, F. Yeah, my bad.
Shezza the Zigzagoon. L18, M. You did your duty.
Aekiel the Grimer. L17, M. Couldn't you have lasted more than five minutes?
Cheddar the Wingull. L23, F. I'll miss you. Goodbye.
Lutris the Lombre. L26, M. Godpeed, you dancing fool.
Mage the Serviper. L16, M. Ty, bro.
Zenzao the Machop. L27, M. Without you, everything would have ended. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain.
Evan the Voltorb. L25, M. I didn’t understand and that’s my fault. I should have prepared better.
Froggie the Froginder. L29, M. Ughhhhh.
Poytin the Gyarados. L26, M. Eh.
TMD the Azumarill. L42, M. I took advantage of your courage and your death is on me.
Monkey the Vileplume. L41, M. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.

 

Palindrome, how did you change the colors, I've never seen that before