Title: On the Run
Author: dozygirl
Rating: K+
Genre: Drama
DLP Category: General
Pairing: None
Summary: What if Wormtail was just a bit braver? Or perhaps just a little more scared of Sirius Black. AU during PoA. Wormtail kidnaps Harry and goes on the run, leaving Sirius to follow and try to rescue his godson.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3502969/1/On-the-Run

Its an original fic. Its set in Prisoner of Azkaban. Wormtail kidnaps Harry to take him to Voldemort and Sirius tries to rescue him while everyone thinks Sirius has kidnapped Harry. This story is well written, the pacing is good, the characterisation is top notch. The story as whole was excellent, it felt quite realistic to me and was really refreshing..

5/5

 

I'm pretty well-versed in your posts so far to not even be surprised there's no link to the actual story here. Keep up the good work.

EDIT: Attaboy.

 

Thanks for this, a good read. In any fic like this there are a lot of plot holes and why didn't he do this, or why didn't he do that. While not great fic by any standards, it's no where near a terrible fic.

Not really a 4, but better then a 3, so a easy 3.5 from me. Decent time waster.

 

Well, I'll review the first chapter as I read.

The first scene spends half the time in a recap of important events of Prisoner, and the other half talking about how Harry can't sleep. This scene makes me want to fall asleep. Snooore.

The phrases "smiled evilly" and "chilly smile" pop up in relation to Pettigrew, but I don't really think those are expressions that would be worn on his face (chapter two has him smirking). He's a selfish sycophant with an underestimated clever side, not some evil mastermind who twirls his moustache while contemplating his diabolical schemes.

Well, it seems Pettigrew has some lust in him, as women and power are the first things that come to his mind when he thinks of what Voldemort would reward him with.

Overly-emotional Hermione, but that's probably justified by her being fourteen. Ron immediately jumps to the correct conclusion (how 'bout that), and the two of them are at the end of the the Firebolt argument from canon, but after an hour at most in this fic they're holding hands.

I didn't see any spelling errors jump out at me, but the few incorrect bits of punctuation seemed jarring given the quality of the spelling.

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Harry is a rather pathetic captive, being directed by a rather pathetic captor (Pettigrew holds Harry's wand up and orders him to walk rather than use any spells to immobilise him). He gives Harry personal information, such as the fact that he's Wormtail and that he knew Lily and James. He even handcuffs himself to Harry!

Chapters one and two didn't give me much incentive to read on at all, and that's likely because the protagonists are pathetic and emotional, and the only antagonist at the moment is an overly-smug Pettigrew.

I can't be bothered to finish it, so I won't rate the thread, but if I did I'd give it a 2/5.

 

The author manages to present the scenario they intended just fine, but i feel like it wasn't enough. Pettigrew captures harry, and the it's all resolved after a few chapters of moving around. The writing was adequate, but nothing fantastic. I don't regret reading it, but I try wish it had been at least a tiny bit more compelling.
Average, but sadly nothing special. 3/5

 

I'll give it 3/5. The premise is good, but the writing just doesn't generate any excitement.