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WIP On the Way to Greatness - By Mira Mirth - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ChuckDaTruck, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    I thought the second year was pretty explicit in showing that despite being a Slytherin, he has Gryffindor tendencies--urgh, I hate using house names as adjectives.
     
  2. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    ...

    It has nothing to do with tendencies. Harry says, "Let's finish this the Slytherin way - with a duel," or something to that extent.

    He says it.

    It's not about Harry's personality, it's about his statement which was meant to emphasize the house stereotypes.

    My point is that it is not in the nature of a cunning and ambitious person to stand and fight in a fair duel without any advantage.
     
  3. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Updated today. I have mixed feelings about this chapter. More when I digest it.
     
  4. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    The best King's Cross rewrite I've scene yet, I like the fact that developments have consequences.

    My view on chapters is usually overwhelmingly positive right after reading them, will come back with an objective review later.
     
  5. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Here's the review I left the author on FF.net. Of course, it's written as if it were directed at the author, but I don't want to write everything again with a different perspective:

    "I have somewhat mixed feelings about this chapter. I just finished reading and so I'm writing this 'raw', so to speak, so don't be surprise if I come off a bit more disjointed than usual.

    Most of my apprehension comes from the info-dump in the first part of the chapter. I don't abide deus ex machinae (is this the correct plural?) usually, and this was one: like Justice Stewart, I know it when I see it. However, it was a very, very clever one because it was modeled on a similar one in canon. It makes more sense that he'd meet his parents than Dumbledore anyway, but that all felt a little too easy and somewhat tacked on and derivative.

    I do have to give you props for the way you conveyed Harry's emotion on parting with his parents; not a lot of people can give a genuine feeling the way you did there. I don't know if this comes perhaps from some personal experience of your own, but it was a very powerful moment.

    The way Harry at first reacted angrily at Dumbledore but then managed to look at his perspective, and while remaining angry was able to temper that (I'm probably not coming across very well here, I warned you I would sound disjointed) I feel was very good at showcasing a contrast between this Harry and canon Harry.

    Also very refreshing is Harry's attitude to his 'inevitable' fight with Voldemort. I always felt that canon characters felt an excessive aversion to killing, even when they would be more than justified doing so, while having no pangs of conscience about doing certain other things which are much more dubious than killing in self-defense. Now I could go on a huge rant about how this reflects JKR's own very confused morals and spiritual outlook, but I'll spare you that. If you are curious, just go to DLP *hint hint* and read one of my numerous posts on the subject. Needless to say, I'm glad he is not burdened with hippie peace and love crap. Do not go gently into that good night Harry. Rage, rage against the dying of the light! (this is, in case you're not familiar with the poem, a quote--I don't want anyone to think I'm plagiarizing Dylan Thomas).

    Anyway, I am glad you did mo the friendly reconciliation with Padma I was hoping for! I even feel a little guilty about the slightly more negative tone of this review because of that.

    And the way Harry's Slytherin friends stuck by him, even if only after a 'trial by fire', so to speak, was very good at showing that they do care for him, they just show it in a Slytherin (urgh I hate using house names as adjectives, but what have you) way.

    Finally, I wonder, if Ron of all people was able to learn parsletongue, wouldn't it be possible for Harry, a former natural speaker, to (re?)gain some knowledge of it? He even has a powerful reason to want to do it, to cement his now more fragile position in Slytherin house. I was never fond of JKR having made it go away just like that, one would think there would have been some degree of transference.

    Anyway, I hope my little attempt at concrit in the first part of this review didn't get you down, because I still feel the same way I did about your story in general. I will eagerly wait for the next chapter, where I hope Harry will be a bit less inapt at handing public opinion.

    Keep up the great work.

    Cheers,
    Mordac

    P.S. - The song 'Snake Hill' by Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band reminds me of your fic for some reason. I know it's random, but I thought you'd like to know."
     
  6. Kthr

    Kthr Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    I know I don't remember all that much from book 7, but I thought the resurrection stone was the reason he was able to come back?

    For that matter, If death couldn't see him, how the hell was Voldemort able to locate him and hit him with an AK? IF the cloak is some sort of ultimate defense/anti-tracking device, why would things(spells in this case) from outside the (possible) alternate reality you create by wearing it?

    And yea, I hate those "I died and saw evils" scenes on any fics, even before book7, but that author redeemed himself with moody near the end.
     
  7. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Harry's status as a sudo-Horcrux is the reason for his survival, according to DH and JKR interviews.

    Nagini let Voldemort know what Harry was trying to do, Harry looked at Voldemort, their eyes met, and the Scar Connection did the rest.
     
  8. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Good update. Following this one closely.
     
  9. Anme

    Anme Professor

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    I like the story but I'm not so fond of the talking to his parents.
    The end of the chapter was promising.
     
  10. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Yes, these ideas of magic not following the rules of cause and effect and belief being much more important than reason are very JKR-ish and yet intriguing. I'm interested in how the author develops it. I hope the conclusion won't be some mindless i-did-it-for-the-lulz dues ex machina.

    I'm disappointed that the real Moody didn't clue Harry in to Legilemency existing so he wouldn't be such an open book to anyone even minimally skilled in the mind arts.

    Would Dumbledore start a Horcrux hunt early, now that he has confirmation of Tom making at least two?

    I hope Harry kills Umbridge next year.

    edit: grammar.
     
  11. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    I was afraid of that as well, but at least the ridiculous "Master of Death" shit is moot with the Cloak being destroyed. I doubt that Voldemort would connect those dots anyway, since a seemingly random (and while rare, certainly not unheard of) Invisibility Cloak had not a thing to do with Voldemort being rebound-AK'd when Harry was a baby.

    I also liked the King's Cross scene, and felt it was pretty poignant and not overly emo/mushy, which is apparently difficult to pull off.

    I left a glowing review on FF.net as well, and like you, I should always wait to digest the new stuff before snapping off the stupid "OMFG! Taht wurz teh best dam chaptur evah LoLoL!!!11!!!!1 :awesome Moar :awesome naow :awesome plz!!!1!!11 :D TTFN!!"

    Yeah, old Dumbledore is about to start cracking some heads, and it seems to me from this chapter that he'll be moving closer to Harry, since (1) Harry now knows of the prophecy and feels driven/responsible to act, and (2) the Scarcrux is kaput, and Dumbledore can be as close to Harry as needed, with no danger of Voldemort finding out through the connection. Then again, since Dumbledore has never been overly close with Harry in this AU the way he was in canon, it's highly likely that there will continue to be a distance between them, unless the Umbridge business forces or pushes the two closer.

    And speaking of Umbridge... While I wholeheartedly support Harry having Grawp finger-fuck the dumb cunt, I'm not holding out hope it'll happen. This Harry is way more in charge of his emotions, so he'll be less likely to take the bait in class, and if anything, he'll get her through some nasty prank or other, with the help of his group perhaps.

    No, the Harry-flays-Umbridge is far more likely in JBern's sequel to The Lie I've Lived. If that bitch comes to Hogwarts denying Voldemort's return, after Dumbledore's death was used to facilitate LV getting a new body? Look the fuck out, cause HJ won't hesitate in asking Fawkes to pop her into Aragog's nest just in time for afternoon tea.

    Anyway, this is a fantastic story - one of my top five WIPs right now.
     
  12. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I'm waiting for a story where Harry uses Black instead of Voldemort as reason why they should train defense instead of reading a book, and with his animosity towards him in this story it finally looks plausible.
     
  13. uriel

    uriel Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Animosity? as of the last chapter there really is little to none (i think), so wouldn't be plausible anymore.

    With that one sentence, the only real negative of the story (for me that is) disappeared.

    It just seemed really stupid to me, for Harry to be pissed off for losing to a guy, to his knowledge, was a top death eater and mass murderer. I'm thinking readers probably brought this up. :)
     
  14. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    He has bigger problems now, but that doesn't make him like Black any more.
     
  15. Matian

    Matian Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    A very good story in my opinion. The description of how Voldemort became that little ugly baby was a really nice feature and is the first time I've actually read of how that happened. I like the differences in Harry with him being more careful and smarter than in canon, also how he understands the need to work harder because of the shit fate keeps throwing at him. It all seems so subtle to me, which is a good thing.

    But maybe too subtle because, like someone else pointed out, the lack of action and the key scenes from Canon can be confusing because it keeps the reader from knowing how exactly the story differs from canon. To effectively pull off an AU you need to point out the differences and I honestly think the author failed in doing that. However seeing as the fic is far from completed, it might all be explained in later chapters (Dumbledore telling Harry everything he had planned to happen or whatever you want to call it).

    4/5 from me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2009
  16. Osprey Trapper

    Osprey Trapper Second Year DLP Supporter

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    An enjoyable read that kept me entertained for a while, 4/5.
    ^^ LOL.
     
  17. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I'm upping my rating to a 5/5 with the latest chapter.

    Everything is just so... believable, interesting, and fun to read. Harry acts like I'd expect him to act for his age, whatever that may be, while still having the qualities that make it possible for him to have his own story.

    My prior review still stands as a better description of my thoughts on the story overall, but I wanted to post again to say that it just gets better.
     
  18. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    I've been putting this story off for month's, mainly because I can't stand re-reading canon events from a different perspective, probably why I loved "Lie" so much, however, I finally started reading this today and am on chapter six and this is great. The biggest strenghts of this story, IMO, are how every event, while familiar, seems so much different due to the fact that Harry being in Slytherin has given him different experiences. This is also the first Slytherin!Harry, or Harry Magically Appears 10 years later! Harry story I've seen that realizes that if not for Harry being in Gryfindor from day one Ron and Hermoine wouldn't be friends.
    The downside to this story is that while it is interesting to see the way things are turning out, there is nothing here that holds my attention, are makes me want to read constantly, it lacks something truly original.
    4/5 for now
     
  19. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    Its finally been updated

    This new chapter is pretty dam good
     
  20. Tasoli

    Tasoli Minister of Magic

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    yes and with last chapter I realised harry has truly slytherin mind set

    I mean when others said he shoul train other people harry thinks them minions :awesome

    and we learned about harry's new crush, pretty girl hehe
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
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