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Abandoned On The Wings of a Phoenix by makoyi - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Naga's Shadow, Jun 20, 2006.

  1. Stalin's Pipe Organs

    Stalin's Pipe Organs Auror

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    No, I understand what your saying and that the POV that Harry is given may be skewed or bias to begin with. It's just a plot idea that I'm not a fan of.

    I love stories where Harry becomes evil and/or joins Voldemort. If Voldemort isn't really that bad after all, it really lessens the impact and strength of this change of heart. It may be realistic but it feels like a cheap plot gimmick to get Harry to switch sides.

    Merely my personal tastes. This fic may actually be quite good. I haven't read it in a long time so I don't really remember much. I'll refrain from rating it.
     
  2. digitalstorm

    digitalstorm Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Edit: Didn't read Naga's post.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2010
  3. Juggler

    Juggler Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    I remember the village and Harry living around Death Eaters and supporters, but almost everything else is fuzzy to me. My nostalgia tells me to give it a 4/5, but that was around when A Second Chance At Life was my favourite, so I doubt it. However, I'm not going to slog through it again just to find out it's worse than memory tells me.
     
  4. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

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    Threads merged.

    The result is left in For Review for now, since it might benefit from new attention.
     
  5. Captain Trips

    Captain Trips High Inquisitor

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    I read this story for the first time a while back and reread it recently, and I actually enjoyed it.
    5/5 from me.
     
  6. Yume Deli

    Yume Deli First Year

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    I read this a long time ago and for a long time it was one of my favorite stories, so when I saw it back here it made me happy. I was not quite sure if it was DLP material though, so I re-read it.

    The beginning is rather cliché and it's not quite as good as I remember it being, but It's still good. It has problems with OOC ness both in the light and dark side. For some reason Semi-evil-manipulative!Dumbledore irritated me more then Humanized!Voldemort. I think it's because canon Dumbledore of the later books was a pretty dimensional character while canon Voldemort was that not so much.

    Also the ending felt rather rushed, it makes me think the story had to be ended abruptly and that we miss some chapters, and had more of a summary.

    Purely by story I'd give it a 3/5, but keeping in mind how old it is and being sentimental I round it up to a 4/5.
     
  7. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Unspeakable

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    It's well written, but I'm really not a fan of Death Eaters being the good guys.

    The Nazi parallels were pretty blatant.
     
  8. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

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    As well written this is, has anyone noticed that there is nearly zero description of the characters? Does anyone know what Electra even looks like? Maybe it was mentioned earlier but these things need to be repeated to build a picture.

    Edit: I had to give up when the 'propaganda' got too much. And, yeah, it wasn't just her, a lot of characters were just named and never described, nor their expression described during conversations, etc. It's a pretty big hole in otherwise decent if mundane writing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2010
  9. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    There is a description written, idk where offhand but it mentions her being middle aged and probably some other stuff.
     
  10. bornagainpenguin

    bornagainpenguin DLP Archivist

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    Then I guess it's a good thing that they're not the good guys then, isn't it? No, what is so brilliant about this story is the fact that in it the Death Eaters have a side. The author was able to show the possibility of another side existing, one not entirely led by Draco Malfoy. It's a pretty good piece of subversion if you ask me.

    I take it that you haven't actually read the fic.

    [​IMG]

    Some how I don't think you're getting the point! This fic posits that everything Harry has heard in the first five books to be slanted propaganda from one side of things. Of course the Nazi parallels are going to be there, that's kind of the whole point! You can't take as gospel anything Harry hears or reads in the first five books because it is propaganda from only one side!

    Consider the last few wars\police actions the United States has been through--was there a single one of them whose leaders weren't compared to Hitler or alleged to be "worse than Hitler" during the ramp up to war or during it?

    Just in recent history:

    You have Saddam, Milošević, Saddam again, Noriega, Pol Pot, Ho Chi Minh, etc etc...

    I begin to wonder what we did to ramp up for wars before there was a Hitler to use as the Analogy That Cannot Be Topped? Oh, yeah--racism. Never mind.

    The point is that of course there are Nazi parallelisms, in this alternate universe that's the whole point--everything Harry has ever heard about the Death Eaters has been carefully spun propaganda. If it wasn't for the author's careful explaining that this is war, there were atrocities commited on both sides, then you might have a point. Instead the story promises a rich background and complex situation much more realistic than what we see in the books.

    Too bad the rushed ending of the story meant that much of the promise in this fic ends up aborted due to lack of fleshing out. The reason I still rank it so highly is due to the depth of the ideas proposed and the skillful execution of subtly turning canon on its head before the fic was ended. Is it a flawed work? Yes, but still a great one nevertheless.

    Again I have to ask, have you even read it?

    --bornagainpenguin
     
  11. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    :awesome
    I'm glad I'm not the only fanboy of this story.
     
  12. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    I think I'm a little too on-the-fence to rate this one.

    I just read 130,269 words of a story with:
    - a somewhat clichéd plot, but a fairly original setting.
    - a pretty Weenie!Harry, but a pretty accurate depiction of his confusion.
    - a well written OOC Voldemort, but a poorly written OOC Dumbledore.
    - an actual back story for Death Eaters, but practically no inclusion of the Order.
    - interesting character ideas, but no character descriptions.
    - a nice blend of culture and politics, but not enough depth to either to actually enjoy.

    I won't even go into how it hasn't been updated since '08 and
    I still don't know what the actual fucking prophecy says.

    No vote from me unless the story miraculously becomes finished.
     
  13. Naga's Shadow

    Naga's Shadow Seventh Year

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    I think the point was there was on prophecy, Dumbledore made it up. I could be wrong though, been a long time since I've read it.
     
  14. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    The prophecy Dumbledore gave Harry was actually a prophecy dealing with Dumbledore vs Grindelwald. When confronted about it by Harry, Dumbledore then tries to give another prophecy (once again pertaining to someone else). Harry then hears part of the actual prophecy from Snape, but we - the readers - never get to hear the entirety of it.
     
  15. neopyro

    neopyro Third Year

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    I hadn't realized this was a repost. It didn't come up when I searched it on the site. Maybe I was only searching the library section? I stand by my initial points though. Weak ending, weak prologue but a sturdy story that is original and distinct in several ways. A solid 4/5. Not earth-shattering, but not trash either.
     
  16. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    Workable as a premise, poorly executed.

    Bad logic, poor characterization, really really crappy Manipulative Dumbledore, pussy Harry.

    Frankly if it wern't for the fact the lilly and james committed atrocities and then felt bad about it and went into hiding for fear of retribution I'd only give it a one.
     
  17. bornagainpenguin

    bornagainpenguin DLP Archivist

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    Are you forgetting about Inquisition!Ginny? This story (flawed though I admit it is) deserves at least an honorable mention for its portrayal of Ginny, and at least three or four stars for the backdrop the author created wherein the war had two sides and the characters were an assortment of light and grays, not black and white. I still hope to one day see someone use this as a backdrop for a story that turns canon on its head.

    --bornagainpenguin
     
  18. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    I think I'm going to restart my rewrite (for the third time). Writing in first person is really taking its toll, and I am not skilled enough to pull it off in an above average way. Also, I am having major troubles making everything work for book 4 instead of book 5. I do want the story to remain faithful to this original one, so I don't want to go too crazy.
     
  19. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Wait... This is your story?


    EDIT: Oh, I missed this:

    Could you link it please?
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2010
  20. Tenages

    Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

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    First story review here. I'm aware that this a few months old thread, but this is one of the first stories I began to read and trawling through an influx of memories.

    The strengths and flaws of the story have been gone into above, and I generally agree. The fic has some weak characterization and plot hole issues, but is still relatively original and well-written. I especially liked the idea of two morally ambigious sides.

    However, upon re-reading, one issue really bugged. That issue is Harry's wavering character/political views. While I agree in principle that a person or student could be exposed to Voldemort's side and shift in opinion, I don't feel that Harry could.

    Harry is far from an uninvolved bystander in this war. Irregardless of Voldemort's ideals, the justice of his cause, atrocities committed by The Order/Dumbedore/Harry's parents or manipulations of Harry, I don't believe he could be swayed.

    Voldemort tried to AK Harry at age 1. He tried to kill Harry again at 11. At 12, a part of Voldemort tried to kill Harry. At 14, Voldemort kidnapped Harry and a friend. He killed said friend, and used his heart (heart of an innocent) and Harry's blood to restore himself to life. He then presumably tried to kill Harry. At age 15, Voldemort again tried to have Harry killed.

    After going through all of that, no one on earth would listen to any justification offered by Voldemort or his supporters. Voldemort has been attempting to kill Harry for 15 years now. If only in the logical interests of self-preservation, Harry would never trust him or his. The idea that not only does Harry began to symphathize with Voldemort's cause, but indeed helps to keep them hidden is ludicrous. Suspension of disbelief fails.

    Anyway, regardless of this and other issues, its still a fairly original fic. It has a well-developed pureblood world, and morality is shaded, not black and white. Because of this and nostalgic enjoyment I give it a 3/5.

    Sorry for the tl;dr
     
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