Title: One Last Chance
Author: ZeroTheDestroyer
Rating: M
Genre: General/Drama
DLP Category: Time Travel
Pairing: Harry P. & Narcissa M.
Status: WIP
Summary: Time Travel. Harry dies in the Battle of Hogwarts, to wake up in the 1970's: His Parent's Hogwarts Year. Armed with memories of the future he will do all he can to stop Voldemort. That is his goal, and this is his chance. His last chance. HarryNarcissa

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5559209/1/One-Last-Chance

What first attracted me to the fic was the Harry/Narcissa pairing. Sometimes the author just jumps from one scene to a completely different context. I got a little confused while following the fight scene but I am a sucker for time travel and its Harry/Narcissa pairing. Not necessarily a Library material but definately an Almost Recommended.

 

It reads like a Mary-Sue and lemon mixed.

Characters' actions and behaviour is somewhat OOC. Zero puts way too much attention into facial expressions; no, you cannot see the depths of the soul and ascertain other's motives with a deep, soulful gaze. Voldermort is especially weird here, with his crooked smile, saying how he's quoting a mudblood poet, his lines in general. Heck, almost everyone's talk seems archaic.

The combat was clumsy. Not horrible, but not awesome either.

At least the fic is well written in general.

You can tell that Zero tried to achieve that epic, hypnotic flow of story here. While he didn't exactly fail, he still has far to go to come off successfully.

Honestly, I preferred his other story, Adult Arts.

3/5

 

It's indoors.

Not too shabby. The writing has moments of awkwardness, such as:

but the storytelling is pretty competent. Will read more careflly later.

 

Couldn't get through the fight scene, ended up skipping it.

Otherwise I found it interesting enough, the concept has been done to death but this does not feel like a cheap rehash.

3/5 so far.

 

I like the premise of the story. However, for the life of me, I could not follow the story. While it does make for realistic telling, there were far too many "the girl", "the boy" etc etc. I just found it a pain to follow.

I'll abstain from giving it a rating for now. You have a great plot here. It's the execution that is currently a deterrent to the story.