Hmm, that is true IP, but the key here is that eventually harry is in fact going to be joining Bella and embracing choas (as I hinted at in the dream sequence last chapter) what I'm looking for is a purpose for him to have until he betrays it for Bella's path thus giving him something meaninful to fall from and not just be like well shit giuys, guess ill go kill stuff today. Really looking for something that will hold up dramatically in juxtaposition with the blood of Black, and that means something at least quasi-Order based.

 

Excellent! This story is exactly how I hoped it would be, great job. Your battle scenes are great, and your characterization of Harry, Bella, Lucius, Dumbledore, Amelia and Snape are perfect. I can only wait in suspense for the romance to begin, because it's promising to be amazing.

I think that your Harry, as a Gryffindor, is perfect because he's powerful enough to be able to do a devastating frontal assault, and the fact that he had to work for those skills over the whole war makes it all the better. I picked up on the fact that Harry was trying to rebuild his old life, and I thought that was enough of a purpose. But ip's right, your going to have to give him a new purpose once he figures out that is impossible. Great work, nonetheless.

 

If he is going to go political, then I don't see where Bella could join in. She whould just be a side thing and the whole H/B goes off. And he can't outright go into politics because he is a wanted man, so he would have to stay underground and pull some strings. I love the story though.

 

One of the best time-travel fics I've read, and it will stay that way if BB doesn't go light side when she gets with Harry.

 

preview

okay guys, sorry about the long delay, but between working 20 days straight and still trying to have a social life real life has been kinda rough on my writing time. Heres the usual short preview. I hope to have this chapter done within a day or two since I'm going to be able to spend most of my sunday working on it.

Hermione growled in frustration as she tossed aside yet another massive tomb of dark magic. The damned curse wasn’t in there, not that she really needed to know about the Necran Demaritam curse. No. There was no earthly reason, pure scholarly interest.
Well that and to prove that fucking bitch Bellatrix wrong. Hermione admitted to herself with a silent snarl. There had been something entirely too possessive about the other woman when she looked at Harry.
It doesn’t matter. Harry is mine. He has to be, fate has been cruel enough to me before now. This is my justice. My right! And no goddamned resurrected death eater from a parallel world is going to take that away from me!
Besides she can’t know him very well if she thought he was sadistic. I mean this is Harry! Harry hates to see anyone else in pain! Hermione rationalized to herself idly as she flipped through a blood encrusted book whose titled seemed to roughly translate to ‘Sadomancy, you too can inflict ruinous pain! Great for parties, weddings and massacres!”
Must be a problem with that damned Egyptian translation spell again. I’ll have to get on Croaker about fixing that. Hermione thought idly as she paged through the book carefully scanning for anything interesting. It was not until she reached the last chapter of the book that a section finally jumped out at her:
Necran Demaritam is perhaps the most deadly spell in the arsenal of a true sadomancer. It was used extensively during the 32nd war of Set, but fell out of favor soon afterwards due to the invention of a counter curse (See Necratis Angelous)
Despite this short coming the spell is not to be underestimated. Its deep purple field is capable of engulfing an entire battlefield in waves of soul destroying pain if the sadomancer can summon the necessary depths of hatred.
While hatred is the critical component in determining the magnitude of the spell’s expanse, extensive research undertaken by Lord Horus XVI, most favored of the god’s of the underworld, has revealed that the basis of this extraordinary spell is in fact a fundamental desire to revel in the pain of its victims.
Indeed, Lord Horus XVI speculated that the basic matrix of the spell demands such emotion in order to stabilize the allegorical core reference to an act of condemnation to underworld damnation upon which the spell is built....
Yes. Definently a problem with the translation spell. Hermione though with grim determination as she slammed the book shut with a resounding ‘thud.’ She was spared any further rationalization by a tentative knock on her door.
Instantly she was on her feet and rushing towards the door, pausing only long enough to palm her wand. That had better be Harry. That bastard has some explaining to do! Its been three days and not even an owl? There will be curses. Hermione thought as she hesitated for a brief moment in front of the door to throw up a rather rude surprise for anyone who wasn’t Harry. Never hurts to be cautious. That, or introduce Bellatrix to 10,000 volts of electric shock.
Shock ward in place, Hermione wrenched open the door and found herself face to face with one of the last people she had ever expected to darken her doorstep.
________________________________________________________________

 

Ooh, a cliffie. Intruiging. I especially like this psychotic!Hermione, but I hope that Harry rips her buckteeth out and skewers her with them, tears her eyeballs out by using tweezers, injects her with Irankandji venom and lets her writhe for hours before strangling her with her own colon. *shrugs* But that's just me. I can't wait for the chapter update.

 

Yeah...Ok...

 

Did you take your medicine this morning?

 

new chapter

New chapter finally up. I'll talk more about it latter, but at the moment just pointing that little fact out before I head off to work.

 

I loved the chapter...it was great, and action-packed as usual. BUT, I really wish you'd get a beta...as excellent as your work is, it can only improve when the overall readability of your fic improves that little bit.

Good work...5/5.

 

Great new chapter although I wished Hermione had died. Anyway. If I didn't before I'll give your story 5/5 stars

 

Loved it. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite stories. Easily. It's a great plot, with great writing and great action. This chapter just exemplifies all of that. But, maybe you should have Harry forget about Hermione so that she suffocates or dies of starvation, or maybe she should get hit with a stray soul-writhing curse or something. That's the only unlikable part of this story: Hermione. She's perfectly on character and written beautifully, but that's just the problem. She's an anally retentive, overbearing bitch and I don't like her.

 

i've only read part of the story so far, but from what i've read, i like the explanation of dark magic. I've actually never seen an explanation before this for why dark magic hurt your aura and soul, so found that interesting. Bella's also written very well, and if this does turn Harry/Bella, it'll be the most realistic one i've ever read.

 

Message from the Author

Hey kids, got some news for you. As of a few days ago I am offically in Law School and no longer really in possession of a whole lot of free time that being a bored college undergrad brings. I am not abandoning this story, but my updates are going to take longer than normal since I'll be writing in the spare moments where Im not going nuts.

Again just want to lay it out there that I am NOT abandoning this. As ever this board will be the first place to catch a glimpse of any new chapter.


-Malice?

 

Good luck in selling your soul... Umm I mean in Law School

Hope you do find some time to get the chapters finished.

 

IM BACK!....sorta

Alright guys, Ive managed to write a little bit while in Law School and I'm going to go ahead and post a preview of that in the authors work section...(its longer than usual and I'm not in the mind to test the good will of the admins.) If you guys could do me a favor and post comments to it on this thread I would appricate it (makes it so I dont have to look at more than one thread if I want feed back bout the story.) that all being said I probably won't upload the final chapter till sometime after exams around the 21st ish....then again theres always the chance I'll finish it in a frenzy of trying to do something other than cram

 

I thought it was excellent, although the formatting was horrible. You really need to fix that, nice work though.

 

I liked the preview. I think that the thoughts should be surrounded by apostrophes or italicized to make them stand out from the rest of the paragraph. There were also some spelling mistakes, but I can't remember any off the top of my head.

Edit:

An example of what I mean with thoughts 'Later Albus, worry about later. Right now there is a battle to be fought.' Dumbledore thought with a resigned sigh as he dismissed the intriguing problem from his mind.

I believe it should be boy's and witch's.

Leant is the past tense for lean, and in this instance you should use lent(I think so, at least). These are the only things I can remember seeing, but I could've missed something.