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WIP Out of the Dark and into the Green By Chim Cheree - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by cowofdoom, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. Coffee Break

    Coffee Break First Year

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    Updated

    I get the feeling this chapter will be a little controversial...
     
  2. SeekingSerenity

    SeekingSerenity Third Year

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    Incomes Hermione. There is no god.
     
  3. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

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    Who else could do a better job as Harry's lawyer during his murder trial but the cleverest witch of the age? Someone has to counter that ministry prosecutor and closet Death Eater that's been bribed by Malfoy etcetcetc.

    Bit disappointed with how quickly Harry folded, considering he's actually guilty of a few crimes I would have thought he'd not take his chances with the ministry and hope they don't stumble over his unpleasant history during their questioning. I doubt they're gonna leave it at "did you murder the Durmstrang student" and then just let him go when he says no when they still have a reputation to sully, gotta find all the dirty laundry first.
     
  4. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

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    Well, as long as it doesn't become a HP/HG wank, I'm completely fine with it.
     
  5. Coffee Break

    Coffee Break First Year

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    Like the two killing curses he fired off earlier that day...

    It'll be interesting too see how the author gets him out of this one.
     
  6. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    The last part of the chapter from Hermione's POV was just bad. Whatever the author was trying to do, it wasn't executed well at all.

    Enjoyed the rest of the chapter. The chapter before this annoyed me because I thought the story was being forced back on canon tracks and this would be yet another rehash without much happening. Pleasantly surprised by the new developments.
     
  7. Coffee Break

    Coffee Break First Year

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    Well this is a bit off-topic but I just saw this review on FFnet;

    I'm not sure why the hell someone would leave a long review in German for an English story. Can anyone translate or at least give the gist of it?
     
  8. Ncjeur

    Ncjeur Second Year

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    -Harry's reaction is great. The reviewer didn't expect the ministry to arrest him directly.
    -The conversation between Hermione and Ron fitted in really well.
    -Snape seemed to anti-Harry, especially when he talked to Sirius.
    ->The reviewer talks a bit more about Snape, and about how few authors manage to portray him as the good asshole from the books (though I'm not really sure if he think's this is the case in this fic as well. He just prattles for a bit).
    -The review says that the many different POVs could become a problem in the future, because many authors use this to unnecessarily raise the wordcount.

    That should be the most important points.
     
  9. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    A (mostly) intelligent review on FFN?

    What sorcery is this??
     
  10. anvyl

    anvyl Third Year

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    Ah, there's a joke in here somewhere, i just know it.
     
  11. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Also a reference to the Jet.com website commercials. lol. Cash register = sorcery.
     
  12. Leif Campbell

    Leif Campbell Squib

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    I like this story so far. You are doing something's things with it that I donated that often so. Anyway so far I like it.
     
  13. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

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    Nov 11, 2007
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    289
    I'm liking this story less and less as it goes on, I expected Harry living with an assassin to be a lot more sure of himself, but the way it's headed he might just end up becoming Dumbledore's stooge, at least for a while.
     
  14. Coffee Break

    Coffee Break First Year

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    Updated again

    Pretty short chapter this time but I'm feeling more optimistic about the future direction of the story.

    The author also seemed to put the kibosh on any fears of Hermoine taking over the story in a closing note too.
     
  15. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

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    Best dogfather helps you cover up murders. Awesome.

    Still, veritaserum could still ruin his day.
     
  16. Eternity Lost

    Eternity Lost Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
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    7
    I have a feeling that this fic could very easily get bogged down in the minutiae of Harry's return to society, losing the most enjoyable things about it, its pacing.

    Certainly the author has done very well to move the story on so far, but as with a lot of Lost Harry fics, his reintroduction to the world can get tedious very quickly.

    4/5 so far
     
  17. Odran

    Odran Prisoner

    Joined:
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    Updated.

    I'm glad that scene is over, I was afraid it might drag on for more than one chapter.
     
  18. Methos

    Methos Fifth Year

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    Why must they portrait Dolores/Ministry Villians as idiots.
    Yes, let potion up our minor, and if we do decide to do it, lets first rough him up and inform others.
    Couldn't she keep his mouth shut and than have her time with him without anyone interrupting.
    Incompetent is funny only when they are suppose to be like that.
    Plus the all deal Dumbledore/Sirius/Fudge did.
    Again no one bothered to take HP into account about that, nor deal with Dolores.
    Where is Bones and the rest of the DMLE, a case like that, that high profiled will have her make sure it is done by the books.

    It reek out of laziness.
    Where are the lawyers, the fire and brimstone.
     
  19. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    Methos First let me say that roughing up a minor and drugging them with veritaserum is canon. So is leaving the head of the DMLE out of certain criminal investigations. (See OotP for more details) Second you need to fix up your grammar a bit because it's very difficult to understand what your saying.

    As for a review of the fic I have to say I really liked the idea of someone else raising Harry and raising as a hitman. Especially since most other Harry/Mafia fics come across as kind of stupid. I'd give this 4/5 stars for the entertainment value as well as being really well written. I hope this fic gets updated again.
     
  20. Methos

    Methos Fifth Year

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    You are correct, I will make sure future posts are more readable.

    My main point: Is holding the idiot ball.
    I had long and somewhat tedious response.
    I will make it short, Harry Potter is high profile case, you don't deal with high profile cases like that.
    To me the last chapter reek of the author choosing the easy way, rather the one that make more sense in story.

    However after having second thoughts, it only annoyed me due to the high quality the author provided before that.

    I'm ranking it 3.5 so 4 stars rounding up.