I wanted to like this fic. I really did. A world where muggleborns are sub-standard citizens is not a new concept by any means, but the treatment was fresh. The author certainly tried their best to address the issues that can arise out of a relationship based on the patron thing even if it definitely could have been done better.

The main problems arise, ironically, in the regular relationships. The author takes the short-cut route to resolve most of them without any thoughts to the potential backlash.

Spoiler

Both Harry and Hermione were sort of dating different people during their fourth year and when they decide to get together they do so without any consideration for the people they were seeing and not to mention the lack of reaction negative or otherwise from the said people either.

Hermione is a Sue and Harry literally has no role post the Triwizard Tournament and is just a prop for all intents and puposes.

The 'Year of Discovery' was an asinine concept and did nothing for the plot or the characters. It just seemed like a reason to justify teenage sex.

Voldemort is a serviceable villain though he did end half of his scenes by ending up on bed with Bellatrix(the other half began with scenes of him after the act).

The fic oscillates between good and stupid and even the execution of the good bits leaves a lot to be desired. For a fic with Harry as a main character he does next to nothing for 4/5 of the story and is outshone even by the minor characters like Ron, Pansy, Aberforth, grunt aurors, Sirius, the veela cousins, Dolores Umbridge and her werewolf friend, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

2/5

 

I haven't finished this yet, but the weakest part of the story is absolutely Harry himself, so far.

It's one of the better Voldemorts I've seen in fanfiction, and I quite like both of the Dumbledores.

It does a pretty good job of cycling through perspectives and showing the progressing war on multiple fronts in a way that is interesting in fresh, on both sides of the battle.

The focus on sex (without sex being actually had) is a bit on the dumb side, and Hermione does not remotely feel like Hermione, but it's an AU for a reason in that regard I suppose.

But I'm still chugging my way through, and the quality of writing is not terrible once you get past the first 10-15 chapters.

It's probably in the 3/5 range, where there's too many flaws for me to say it truly belongs in the library, but that if someone wants something lengthy and completed, with an interesting Voldemort, it's worth the time killed reading it.

Just don't read it if you need the story exclusively focused on Harry himself, as he's one of the least interesting and enjoyable parts of the story.

Voldemort, both Dumbledores, some effectively nameless aurors, even Pansy Parkinson are relatively well done and make for engaging reading. Or at least they're why I haven't stopped, as of yet.

 

Good:
- I didn't think I'd like the "oppressed Muggleborns" setup at first, but it was approached pretty well.
- I liked Voldemort's character a great deal. As well as many of the side characters. Given my time in fanfic I expected them to be either bashed or ignored.

Bad:
- Harry and Hermione, the main characters...feel off. I'm supposed to like them, but all I get is this bland vibe, like I'm following their storylines out of duty than out of genuine like. The secondary characters are more colorful. I don't like the term "Mary Sue" because it's a vague descriptor that can apply to a wide range of things (character too perfect, character so imperfect that she's too perfect, imperfect character who never suffers as a result of her actions, etc.), but this is the only thing I can come up with for Hermione.
- Something about the writing is stiff. There's nothing wrong with the grammar and prose but I can't seem to get into it.

There's a lot of things about this story that's putting me off and I can't place my finger on it. It should have been a good story...it's not.

Better than a bunch of other one's I've glanced at, though. At least I was able to read this through to the end, though I didn't enjoy it very much.

2.5/5, maybe 3.

 

I don't like the beginning of this fic. It's very cliché and crappy on how it gives you the backstory. The author has a deep-sighing Hermione throwing flashbacks at the reader of every major thing that has happened in the past few years. Seeing as I know exactly what happens in the scene with the troll, a slightly different ending of Harry ending the troll won't interest me enough to re-read the scene.

It's one of those things where authors like to detail a flashback scene that only really need a small paragraph of writing.

Also: 'It might just be the magic of the Patron Oath at work, but she was almost sighing contentedly at their brief closeness.'

._.

 

I read this guy's other fics Dark Lord Never Died and Divided and Entwined. The are pretty decent for the most part. This fic however grates on my nerves for a couple of reasons. One is the excessive use of "Faux Pas" and the way he writes his Hermione gives me the impression that he's writes in a darkened room while fapping to the all the posters of Hermione/Emma Watson on the walls.

He writes pretty well for the most part and like people have said he gives a fresher look at the "Muggleborn as a second class citizen" trope.
I give it a 3/5 rating.

 

Starfox has been doing variations on this theme for a while now.

This is by far the least successful attempt to make a story out of the oppression of muggleborns.

It doesn't feel as rushed as Dark Lord Never died, but also lacks the au aspect that helps support that story.

Overall this is probably his most skippable story.

2/5

 

I read this entire story. It's not the greatest work ever, but it's a guilty pleasure.

Starfox5's biggest strength in this story, in my opinion, is definitely the worldbuilding. This new take on the Harry Potter universe is slightly more oppressive and casually racist, and seeing how the characters react to that is nice.

The story does fall flat in a few ways though. For one, Starfox5 really has an obsession with pairing people off. Basically every relevant character in the story ends up in some relationship or another. Even Voldemort is paired with Bella, and they basically end up having sex in every scene they're featured in. Another problem is that Harry, one of the two main characters in the story, is basically useless for the large majority of the story. He does nothing important and undergoes no real character growth, and is mainly just a prop that moves the story around. Finally, the way the story ends is sort of a let down.

 

I think the pacing was an issue. The author kept making references to the year of discovery. Which may have been interesting if there was an explanation for why it existed. Through year wasn't too bad in that it kept your attention.

But I really struggled to stay with the story through fifth year. It just got to the point where Harry's entire character was "I love Hermione but there's a pretty girl but no I love Hermione and can't let her find out oh and there's a madman out to kill me." He came of very bland.

I was way more intrigued by Pansy and Ron dancing around each other. There were hints of Sirius having more of a character but they fell flat. I thought the interplay of the aurors was interesting the first few times. But after awhile I was tired of all the sudden new characters who needed their own scenes.

I felt that a lot of the newer characters were more interesting than most of the core characters. Remus' Tonis problem wasn't expanded on enough for me to empathize with him or even really care about his problem. Also if Remus was jealous why did he make the Christmas gift something that Tonks would need to eat off of Krum. Even though Tonks wasn't there it still didn't make sense. I felt his character was really underdeveloped.

Also for all the times of keeping the charade of patron and retainer up in public, Hermione seemed to promise revenge in private only to end up sitting on Harry's lap later and doing nothing.

I really wanted to like this story. But there were just too many logical gaps to get over. I also only got about half before I finally just gave up.

---------- Post automerged at 07:48 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:44 AM ----------

I realize I contradicted myself a little. I like the some of the new characters like the aurors and Aberforth's people. I just got tired of keeping track of all of them. Specially since their scenes seemed to occur right after moments where I thought aone of the main characters might have had a more interesting character development.