eh, ok.

Instead of armortentia, I could see him visiting Trelawny when she's in her cups and tapping that ass. It's not rape because she would have seen it in her 'minds eye' and did nothing to stop it, therefore she must have wanted Snape's cock .

Never underestimate the male sex drive. Even someone like Snape, who appears to have no sex drive at all, probably finds ways to relieve himself. It's up to us, the brave posters of DLP, to find humorous ways in which Snape busts a nut.

 

That's a good point: Why Are We Talking About Snape's Sex Drive?

I need to wash my brain. With antiseptic.

 

One peeve of mine is obscure pieces of magic that no canon character has heard of showing up. Like Elemental magic... Sure, it might be tolerable if the author comes up with a good explanation of why it is possible and why it is obscure (preferably one that doesn't include the Ministry not wanting people to have the ability), but that is very rare in my opinion. I don't think I've ever seen anyone come up with a good enough reason though.

One other peeve is Harry getting a staff instead of a wand... Especially since even Dumbledore and Voldemort don't have staffs!

 

Obscure branches of magic that Harry Completely Masters by the time he would have graduated university:
Magus Harry Potter, first elemental Wizard in three centuries, and Master of Earth, Air, Fire, AND Water, the only Master of All Four Elements since Atlantis sank.

 

Atlantis in HP is gayfail, the exception being Wasteland of Time.

 

Don't forget the ponytail, Quidditch-toned muscles, and harem waiting in the wings.

 

Harem in general is far overplayed. Polygamous I can maybe see, but more than two, Three at the outside is just too much. Why in the hell would harry want more than one? Ok, Bad way to phrase that. Let me try again. Why in the hell would all these women be willing to share one man? especially considering the fact that if it's a harem fic it always seems to have every remotely pretty cannon mentioned girl within 20 years of his age as a member? Just not happening no matter how rich and famous he is.

Crappy insult-a-thons deserve a mention to. Draco is a moron, but even he isn't going to use 'Potty' and 'Scarhead' past second or third year. And 'Ferret' may have worked for a year or so, but even that is going to get old fast, especially as Ron is dumb enough to use it every chance he gets.

 

Look, can we just put "any fic where Harry marries more than one woman" under insta-fail? I've got no interest whatsoever in reading some fangirl's spiel about Harry marrying Luna, Ginny, Hermione, Fleur, Daphne, Susan, Hannah, Cho, Gabrielle, Tracy, Hannah, Parvati, Padma, Lavender, Minerva, Madam Maxime, Narcissa, Lily, Bellatrix, Ariana, Molly and Petunia (happy, Sera?) and living happily ever after.

 

What about Fleur, Gabrielle, Daphne? I joke.

Ferret gets old after the fifth time you read it. It's good for a chuckle the first time but thats about it. Inbred cunt works much better in my book.

 

I hate having to wade through a grossly-exaggerated phonetic accent for Hagrid and Fleur. I'm aware that Fleur's accented English and Hagrid's poor education are significant portions of their characters. Just casually changing it is generally very OOC, but pages of ignorant-Hagrid and nearly aphasic-Fleur is boring. I usually skim all that stuff.
Either minimize the conversation, or minimize the blurred spelling "accent."

 

Eet iz razzair gheey, non? I've read FCS where the phonetics carried over to letters they'd written: fangirl failure at it's worst.

 

I hate it when they can't even be bothered to spell the characters' names right. "Luscious" for Lucius Malfoy is probably one of the most common, but today's winner is.... "McGollangal" for McGonagall.

 

I don't know weather this one has been done here or not but i hate it when people keep using Dudly to be protrayed as his father to go against Harry in the earlier years...around five or six.

It just pisses me off because for one, there just kids who are way too early to learn what hate even signifies. And two, it has been used so many countless times it's not even funny anymore. It's still being used today by authors who can't come up with something original. In fact, hurting harry in those earlier ears are how Harry either transports himself to somewhere safe, gets stronger, comes back and gets revenge etc...etc.

No originality. None what so ever.

 

Those are only the worst if you don't read My Immortal. My morbid curiosity meant I had to, revealing names like:

Loopin
Snap
Hargrid
Volfemort
Dumblydore
Drako
And, FTW, McGoggle

 

I hate when authors put pairing information in their summary. I don't read for the pairings, I read for the story. However this does not apply to slash warnings.

 

When Harry is the heir to all four Founders, Merlin, and some Japanese thunder god. And has a billion galleons. Harry bought a wand for like 10 galleons, and other families had to pass theirs down because they couldn't afford that. How could there be that much gold in circulation in a population of 10,000 at the very most in Britain?

 

There are very few things I can't stand in HP fanfiction, except slash, nothing against homosexuals, but it's just so baseless. That being said, I can respect those who can actually write it well, I've gotten half-way through some stories without even realizing that it was slash. Also, does anyone else think that FF.net should have a slash filter kind of thing? I hate having to sift through 300 slash fics to get to a decent one.

On another note, I like swords, I think they fit with the whole "Medieval Magic" thing. However, I get kind of picky about the kind of sword being used. Broadswords, fine, sabers, fine, anything else besides katanas, fine. I don't even hate katanas in real life, like other sharp objects, they fascinate me. In HP fanfiction though, they just don't do it for me.

The last thing I can think of isn't always related to HP fanfiction, but it does appear on FF.net a bit. That thing is Naruto, no offence to those who like it. One thing I like to do to find decent stories is in order..
1. Find decent author
2. search his/her favorite stories
This works well for me, or should I say, it used to work well for me. Now I have to wade through a lot of Naruto fics to find three HP fics. On a similar note, I don't like Naruto/HP crossovers.

Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a rant. Anyways, Kit, signing off!

 

Um... you forgot 'Trevolry'.

To my Pet Peeves:

Making people like Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan wizards. Well, if they keep it to that, I can take it. But almost everytime, the next line is ,'Do you think they could have done all that if they weren't wizards?'

WTF? They did do all that great stuff WITHOUT being wizards. And to say that they couldn't have done it, is an insult to them, rendering me pissed off.


Well, I guess that's all, and anything else I might have wanted to say has been said before.

 

Yeah, a filter would be nice...

What I can't stand is when the author decides to have some major non-canon event happen before the start of the story, especially if they don't mark it as AU.

I also dislike Pheonix!Hedwig. Harry's owl dies...but she is reborn as an immortal bird of fire! Those stories never turn out well.

Using Star Wars in the story really bothers me. It usually degenerates into a rant by the author on the similarities between the SW and HP fandoms, and ends with Harry casting his friends in the roles of the characters (Ron as Han, Dumbledore as Obi-Wan or Yoda...)

 

Huge fucking fics.

Seriously.

If you like to talk about being a real author, please explain how you're going to justify a forty-two chapter story with 20,000 words per chapter to an editor. I would pay money to see you try.

A real author learns to cut out the unnecessary crap.

Each sentence should count, each word should matter to the work as a whole. Just like in a great movie, or a great piece of art, nothing should be wasted.

Everyone knows this. When JKR talks about those subplots she never used? That's what I mean. Pare down your story to what is essential, and make that awesome.

Make whatever you include only material that matters to the story. And make that work as hard as it can to convey what you mean to.

I blame the chapter system in fanfiction, writers have become accustomed to a quasi-serial system, one chapter at a time. But without deadlines to reign them in or keep them in control of their product, they just pump out giant sections at a time with no check on style or form. Readers have come to expect each update to satisfy them for a good while, complaining is it seems too short.

You'll never see me put out anything, outside from a rough draft (for some good old C&C), that I haven't finished and completed, then carved up with a scalpel.

It would be unprofessional to do otherwise.