Yeah...bad fanfiction authors love their shopping montages .Later on in the story you have a similar scene with Lord Hadrian James Potter-Black and his "friends" visiting Harrods in London and marvelling at how developed these muggles are.

 

People who don't understand the Order was a secret vigilante group and not Dumbledore's official army, even worse when a character speaks about it to children of the death eaters.

 

Recently I have been listening to a lot of fanfics on the ffn.net app. It has a text-to-speech button. This has led to a new pet peeve for me, which is when someone's page break is twenty characters long (like '##########################' or 'hphphphphphphphphphphphphphp') because then I have to pull out my phone and skip forward if I don't want to hear the tts voice say "hashhashhashhash" for 30 seconds.

Also referring to Hermione as Harry's "best female friend" is annoying. He can have two friends. It's ok.

 

Pfft! Nobody has two friends. That's- That's not a thing.


Is it?

 

I’ve always imagined that it would be several rooms absolutely filled with junk. I know exactly what kind of people teenage boys are. Cleanliness isn’t generally a trait and cleaning is usually just “chuck it in the closet.”

 

Some pureblood stuff:

Purebloods being obsessed with Pagan rituals or the Old Ways, and then I have to read a whole chapter of some weird masquerade party where they lament the loss of Samhain rituals or whatever.

Pureblood cursing, like saying "Oh, Godric!" instead of "Oh, God!" This is sort of a fantasy thing in general, but made up swearwords very rarely feel natural to me. Brandon Sanderson is Mormon so he can't include real swearz in his books, and his made up ones sound weird. "Storming" instead of "Fucking" in Stormlight Archives doesn't do it for me.

Knowing smiles get annoying. You'll have Hermione's knowing smile as she watches Harry gaze at Daphne across the great hall, or Hermione's knowing smile as she watches Ginny go slack jawed at the sight of Harry, shirtless, de-gnoming the Burrow's garden. It's always Hermione with those damn knowing smiles.

The way fanfiction treats relationships is so weird in general. Either there's no weight to them, and Harry just forms a harem and fucks everything that moves, or there's so much weight and you have teenagers treating their relationships with way more emotional maturity than you'd expect from kids that age. Why can't their be more stories where the relationships exist, and they're fleeting, and awkward? At least that feels more real.

I wish "Whatever Happened to Bromance" style hookups were more common, especially in longer stories, instead of star-crossed lovers or self-insert harem fics.

 

In fairness, this is just trying to mimic what most wizards do in canon, like Ron and his many references to Merlin. There's a story called Bleak Manor where they stick with regular words, and while there's no introduction needed for them, they don't feel that real either. What I don't get/llike is when the characters aren't even pureblood, like Harry, who was raised on muggle curse words. This is the case in Renegade Cause, where 'Merlin' is basically an exactly perfect replacement for 'Jesus' in context.

 

And it is almost always lost due to Dumbledore's evil mugglification plans. It all comes from this misconception that "Christians burned witches, thus witches can't be Christians" despite history proving otherwise. Bonus points if they still mention Agrippa's chocolate card despite him being staunch Christian.

And it is also tied into this weird mentality where when people don't like something in canon and write already AU fic instead of straight-up changing that they keep it and rant about it, being fault of Dumbledore/unenlightened wizarding society/muggleborns depending on author's bias.

You want to make Celtic pagan wizards? Just make Celtic pagan wizards instead of having characters ranting about the evil plan of Christiamugglification.

 

I a link to a short story on another nameless forum in that fandom's thread. I immediately get a request for summary. It's a 2k word short story. There's basically nothing I can say without spoiling it, and if you're really that desperate, click the link and spend 5 seconds looking at what the author wrote. Fuck some people are useless. It's not like it was a curated thread or archive.

 

My pet peeve is people who don't put summaries on their stories.

 

Not sure, if I mentioned it before, but talking like an artificial construct and explaining everything on how they were defeated and how they knew that you were going to fail, or whatever you were going/trying to accomplish... as if I hadn't just read how they defeated you.

 

Canon rehashes are so fucking annoying. What a writer is thinking when they start I'll never understand. I've never had the urge to write one. Even my long deleted first stories never did it.

There's a newish story on SBs. When I saw it was a RWBY/Portal crossover with a decent first chapter I was psyched, but by chapter 3 it was clear it was just a rehash of Portal only Chell is replaced by Blake with line for line canon dialogue. How original.

 

New character enters a group, instantly inserts self into group dynamic, nobody irritated by this.

 

Well why would they be irritated? Harry's new werewolf girlfriend, Stargate Nighthawk, is so charming, funny, and sexy that no one will mind at all. In fact, you're weird if you WOULDN'T want to be friends with her.

 

it's been a long time since I wrote really fucked up smut.

I mean sure, I wrote Taure/every girl in Hogwarts. I wrote Romilda polyjuiced as Harry raping Harry polyjuiced as Romilda. I wrote Ron tricking madam pomphrey into removing a table leg out of his rectum. I wrote Harry Dresden's internal alter-ego/Lash-shapeshifted-into-Molly.

Good times all around. I know you all loved it even when some of u claimed otherwise.

But what we really need is Harry/Stargate Nighthawk but every guy in Hogwarts wants nothing more than to fuck her. Up to and including Snape.

 

Ok, @vlad, forreal I need a link to this Taure smut. I just bought a new fleshlight that I need to break in.

 

When Harry starts bawling at any mention of his parents.

 

People not tagging the relationship type of AO3.

It's primarily a problem with M/M relationship stories. There is a litany of authors who leave the option blank so I can't easily filter slash out. I can only assume it's some sort of pissy response to other people not like slash.
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Anther one is people thinking multi means a combination of straight, slash and femslash. It's not.

At least that one is easy to filter out.

 

I second the "lets rant about canon".

Especially when they try to use canon to prove their fanon wants. Harry glared at the goblin letter, why had the headmaster never told him he was a lord!

If you want to make big changes to canon plot and character motivations, put a little sweat into it! Dont just add something and then use the lack of it in canon as PROOF of nefarious plots ffs.

I don't mind the Merlin swearing so long as it isn't followed by Hermione screeching, "Language!"

Really, so long as swearing comes across as reflexive and isn't all over the place, I can tolerate it.

 

Speaking of Hermione, there is almost always an entire passage in Indy Harry 'Harmony' fics where Harry mops about he never noticed Hermione's beauty and fantasises about her eyes, lips, legs, breasts etc. I also read a fic where this was taken to the extreme and Harry admires Hermione's snot covered hand kerchief for hours, don't remember which though.