There isn't that much to write about, although I haven't read this story. All these million+ word fics are a direct result of patreon fucking things up. The writer is incentivized to pump out more and more superfluous content if it brings in the money. The same thing happened with serialized novels in the 19th century. That's how Dickens published (one chapter a week to magazine subscribers), and that's why his novels are big, shaggy messes even when they're good.

 

WIZARDING TRENCH WARFARE

sigh.

 

So that's what that was about.

It makes as much sense as seeing wizards and witches acting like long distance relationships are too hard given that they can fucking teleport around the globe more or less unimpeded.

 

Mr. Ollivander can't find a wand for Harry. You know, the guy who pretty much sells wands to everyone. Because Harry is just such a special snowflake that he needs to trek into a cave in the Himalayas to find a basic piece of magical focus that would work for him.

Didn't realize how much I hate this trope until I tried reading another fic that had it and had to close it in disgust.

 

They can? It's been a bit since I read the books, but I'm not remembering any apparitions over long (1000+ mile) distances.

Feel free to refresh my memory if I'm wrong.

 

Continent wide apparition is suppodely extremely diffcult and unfeasable for most wizards.

Though nothing stops you from using a Portkey, which are regularly used for that kind of thing. Though you need permission from the ministry to make one, so if you dont want it to be reported you need to bribe somebody like Newt did in Crimes of Grindelwald.

 

Harry "remembering", or "reviewing" things so far. I'm not sure if I'd rate it above or below the dreaded `--- FLASHBACK BEGIN---`, but it never fails to make me chuckle. It gets points for trying to stay in story, but it's extremely hamfisted approach to infodumping.

 

Reading a semi-smut fic with a couple of interesting points, ignorung the romance/smut parts, when suddenly

Sigh.

 

There's so many things wrong with that sentence...I have no clue where to begin.

 

In fairness that is probably the funniest sentence I've ever read, unintentional or not.

 

What, you've never had a maiden's nether regions get moist from your manly performance? Tips Fedora

Seriously, what neckbeard wrote that shit? I can smell the sweaty anime body pillow at 100 yards.

 

Another one "mixing adverb/noun" situation I've noticed recently: mixing "subtly" and "subtlety".

"You've no subtly, Potter" she said, sneering at the results of his plan.

"Could you choose subtly for once?"

Ugh.

 

I know, this is a double post, but while browsing completed HP crossover, I came upon Balance - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5066535/1/Balance, and author has the greatest fear of addressing Harry as "he", and instead uses the wildest descriptions.

Somebody in the comments compiled all the descriptions for chapter 1:

It's wild.

 

I mean, I had someone complaining about my overuse of the word 'he' with two male characters fighting. I didn't even think it was that much, but I see how it could potentially throw the reader off about who is doing what. In this case, though, I doubt that's why we see so much variation.

 

Be right back. Changing my username to “The Jade Orbed Intuitive Learner”.

 

Lots of great band names in here as well.

The Persevering Youth was definitely an indie rock group at some point.

 

Rubbish. If they were an indie rock group, the name would be Persevering the Youth. Or possibly Youth the Persevering.

 

From Basilisk Born, which is really a very good fic despite stuff like that.

 

That would explain something I'm reading now (New Blood, currently 1.1 million words and still about to start year 4 of 7), except it's purely on ffn and I'm pretty sure there is no Patreon.

It is maddening--switching back and forth between an interesting story, and chapters where nothing happens except seemingly a bite by bite description of what Hermione had for breakfast that day. It's now at 444 chapters, though they are pretty short, with 2 updates per week pretty consistently except for a pause last year when the author had some life events to deal with. I still keep reading the new chapters on the day they are posted, but should give it a rest for a while.

The tedious and useless chapters always get very positive reader comments too. I don't know why that is. The story is in desperate need of being edited down to around 1/3 of its current length.