Yeah, I just delude myself into thinking those are all parodies. It's the only way I can cope. No one is that desperate/delusional/stupid right?

 

I agree, though I'd say that there is a difference between self-inserts and OC characters.

 

Someone getting/discovering magic/superpowers and then conveniently getting attacked so they have an excuse to show off.
It occurs as a moment of "I didn't know I could do that!" or "Shit, now I've revealed myself!" or just "This is how awesome I am!".

What makes it one of my pet peeves, is how over-the-top the authors often go. It's rarely 'just' getting mugged. That wouldn't justify going all-out. It has to be some crazy erratic druggie, or a gang that wants to rape and murder the whole family!
This is just so extremely unlikely. It's not that it never happens, but the whole convenience of it. Just seems like the author being lazy.

(This doesn't apply to stories with good in-universe explanations for it. In Worm, having these experiences can cause the superpowers. But if, a month later, it happens again and now our protagonist can show off their powers, then it's stupid.)

 

Paragraphs where there's more than one person speaking.

ie: “The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain,” Isaac says, almost to himself and Lydia says, “That movie, I swear, if I ever got to meet Henry Higgins, whom, I might add, is a fictional character, but still, if I ever met him, I’d tie him up with that phonograph right next to his ear and make him swallow those marbles until his stomach ruptured and his digestive system shut down, causing the rest of his internal organs to—“ and Allison sighs, “I love that movie.”

 

I guess that I just hate the generic teenage female self-insert who 9 out of 10 times is apparently so pretty that every boy in Hogwarts (especially Draco) falls in love with her.

A well done OC can be a great addition to the story

 

Most of the time the mention of an OC makes me want to quit the story. I think I've seen 1 or 2 that didn't try and steal the show by being awesome and in your face.

I don't care about that character, I care about the characters HP is about.

 

I get a headache just from looking at it

 

Sorry for something so blunt and simple: Characterization that sucks. I literally stumbled upon a piece with this situation:

Main character is the last of his kind.

Main character has a lover, Some Lady.

Main character is in a political position and is asked to reproduce his race for the betterment of mankind.

Conflict: Does Main character betray his intimacy with Some Lady to father a hundred children, or does Some Lady become his mainstay, forsaking his race since she can probably only pop out a couple genetically-monocultured kids?

And the resolution to this conflict? "Uh honey, I'll let you decide. Whatever you decide I'll live with. I respect you! Either way, we'll be together!!1"

Gee thanks, protagonist. Talk about the wimpiest resolution to a semi interesting conflict. It's only your fucking penis (not hers) and putting that burden on Some Lady really isn't justified, since either way she'll hate herself for choosing it for you. That kind of choice belongs to an anti-hero.

And of course, instead of reflecting the lameness of the protagonist's choice, Some Lady just smiles and says, "Oh, you can father a hundred kids, dear. Just as long as you promise you'll only love me." *single tear from cheek aw how sappy and True Lovey

Really? I get fanfiction is wish fulfillment. I get that. I also get that most fanfiction can't be taken seriously, but I can't fathom the kind of person who comes up with this stuff. Some Lady doesn't even ask reasonable questions like, "Uh, are you going to raise all two hundred kids with me? Or are you going to make those single mothers raise them, themselves?" Or maybe, "How can anything good come from a race of loveless children?" Or maybe, "Maybe it's time your race just died? Why regenerate it?" Or maybe, "How can I ever respect myself with either decision I make? You're not my slave, decide for yourself!"

But no, Some Lady's all smiles and kisses, never even raises a question half as right as any of those. And the story is lambasted with praise and goes on for a hundred thousand insipid words about rebuilding Some Race, the charismatic leader having the moral fibre of a potato.

 

Donating his sperm or something would solve that problem so easily.

 

People get inexplicably angry when you try to donate sperm.

I've never run so fast from a bell-ringing Santa before in my life... you'd think if they're going to create an 'army' (salvation or otherwise) they'd need to start somewhere, but nooooo.

What the hell else was I supposed to put in that red bucket?

 

Oh hey, it's Harry and his many wives, one for each family/inheritance/last name he has.

 

Oddie, don't tempt me... I feel my spider sense tingling...

 

Just to add to this.

Antagonist who get powers and suddenly know how to use it, while the good guys have to train and shit.

Also why does having powers suddenly mean you know how to fight? For example, where did Peter Parker learn to fight? because he usually goes toe to toe with people who are physically and/or reflexively equal to him but he somehow beats them despite the fact that they are better trained.

 

Agreed.

I usually put that down to Peter being ingenious, though that's probably not always the best excuse.

 

He didn't. I think Uncle Ben('s Ready Rice) taught him a bit, like how to throw a punch and stuff, but it really just comes down to Pete being really fucking scrappy. The fact that the spider gave him peak human strength, reflexes, and speed is just a bonus.

Also, he's smart. He'll outsmart people while snarking away the entire time - and he usually does this to get into their head. Yes, he snarks because he can, but when he's trying to lure someone into a trap he'll usually step it up.

 

Fics, mainly crossovers in which the main characters tells all of their backstory to someone after just getting to know them.

 

God, that reminds me, Fics where the pairing isn't Hermione or Ginny, Harry simply tells them everything about his life (Sirius included) even thought they usually met for less than months. People that Harry doesn't know the background, and tells secrets that are in no way his alone. Harry is many things, but he doesn't go around babbling around things that involve much more people, nevermind Sirius.

 

Crossovers usually have chances of being more flawed than regular fics, what with having to integrate aspects of two, or more, settings into something coherent. One of the main pet peeves I have about them is the often all too convoluted ways of how a character ended up crossing into another setting/world and how he could get back.

I don't mind it entirely, but when they drag it out for the entirety of the fic, it becomes a bore.

 

So I got annoyed at things again.

'Murica. Where Wizarding America is a land of sunshine and rainbows where racism and government corruption are fairy tales told to children. This seems to be pretty much endemic in fanfiction. But it goes further. New Zealand and Australia get the same treatment.

Ofter occuring in the same fic is the 'ICW is hypercompetent' cliché where every single wizarding government apart from Britain is staffed entirely by honorable, powerful and principled wizards. Except for eastern Europe. Which is where Voldemort finds the hundreds of redshirts for Harry to kill and maim.

But it rarely stops there, oh no. Usually this leads logically on to 'Britain is a shitty backwater' where the entire world looks at wizarding Britain and collectively shakes it's head at the stupid purebloods wallowing in their own shit.

But why stop there? 'Britain is magically backwards!'. If Britain is such an international pariah then Hogwarts obviously isn't the pre-eminent magical school, Dumbledore obviously isn't one of the most powerful and respected wizards on the planet. Nope. It's all government propaganda and in the rest of the world the magical education is so amazing that almost everyone becomes an animagus. And can duel Dumbledore to a standstill. And everyone knows about Horcruxes. And can get rid of them quickly and easily.

 

Since there is no racism or corruption in America, it is quite hard for people living there to even imagine that situation.
So give them a break.