Title: Phoenix Rising
Author: psychochick1
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
DLP Category: Independent Harry/ AU
Pairing: None
Status: Complete
Summary: My evil AU idea of Harry's 5th and 6th years. Things go psycho, involving training, new powers, pranks, mysteries, prophecies, Quidditch, death, romance, supernatural squabblings, etc. Rating for violence, language, and innuendo. COMPLETE!
Link: Link

Okay so most of you won't like this, but I still think this is a good read. Things don't really get good 'til the end. The beginning is full of what is now known as cliche, but at the time was not. Also there's a lot of character death and its tiring to read a bunch of stories where everyone lives. Most of you will shit on this, but there are some real gems in there, believe it or not.

 

Well the first chapter as usual seems to contain Vernon beating the shit out of Harry... Don't like it at the moment, don't know whether i'll bother reading chapter 2, martial arts etc suck for the most part in a Harry Potter fic.

 

It has nothing on Shezza. I understand that it may had been good and original in 2004 but it's 2008 now and it is boring, predictable, full of cliches and otherwise bad, in my humble opinion. Of course, I am no authority on quality of fiction, because I am not a native speaker and can't catch all the crap that goes on in a story. Even to my foreign ears, the dialogue sounds stupid, grammar could use a lot of work... Oh, well... 2/5, possibly 3/5.

 

Martial arts? 1 week and he already moves to various weapons? Where is this 'realism' of yours? Or the fic being clicheless?

edit: still, it's pleasurable read, will read more before rating.

The writing is decent. Author confuses tenses, but makes no your/you're mistakes.
I'm into super!Harry, especially where he doesn't cry about killing enemies, but after 8 chapters all I've seen was fluff and training and pranks.
I can't say I see anything even bordering realism in this story. The sheer amount of cliches might be too much, Harry seems to be an Elemental (whatever it means), Phoenix Lord, anything-animagus, a mage, did I forget something? Oh, and alternate dimension where time flows slower. I fail to see how becoming 'grand master' mage, learning various martial arts and lots of wizarding magic in 16 months is realistic. Same thing with mask-ball. I'm sure AD would think about possibility of DE's sneaking into the school, after all the purpose of mask ball was to be unable to tell who is under.
That brings me to characterization. Snape believing HP on his word, no scathing remark? No one telling AD he was an idiot after learning about what Vernon did to HP? Ron going all romantic and singing a song for Hermione? And the last one, ranting!Harry, I really hate that.

Overall, while reading wasn't a chore, it wasn't real pleasure either. Mixed tenses, amount of cliches (especially these used without real reason) and OOC-ness of characters don't let me rate this story too high. It's 2/5 from me.

PS: While reading I got one nice idea, what if length of hair stood for one's magical power? It would make sense with AD, same thing with Snape and Malfoy, I can't imagine TR letting powerless people to his inner circle.

 

I read this story a very long time ago and I remember liking it when I first read it, I think it was one of the first stories that I added to my fave list when the function became available. But a long time later that list has now been refined and this story did not make the cut. I now know why.

In 2002 Harry getting his ass kicked by Vernon would most likely have been very original, so was Harry getting trained by some powerful secret organisation and the gods/deities/other immortals having an investment in his life (in fact write out a list of what is considered cliche in HP Fandom present day and you'll find half of that in this story, and yes, that includes Elementals). But like Dante said, fast foward to 2008 and you have many stories written with those exact plot points and most likely a whole lot better by better authors (or a whole lot worse by pre-teens).

The author has put quite a lot of thought into the plot and where they wanted the story to go, they also know how to use spell check and whoever beta'd (if there was one) did an o.k job. The problem I have with it is that there are times when its stilted and sounds like its been written by a teenager trying very hard to write adults. But then I think thats me being picky, I'm angry that I can't find a single story that is rife with cliches and I can still enjoy reading it without cringing.

I want to know how to do that.

 

The battle scenes have nothing on Shezza's. And I've read better from other authors too. You want a good battle scene? Go read Queens of Darkness, Ladies of Light. It's in the Library. It'll blow this away.

That said, I guess the ones here ain't too badly written, I guess. It does have shit I generally don't like, like martial arts and uber magic, unless they are well written, like in the above mentioned fic.

Then there are Golden Patroni and a ton of OCs, and I feel doubtful about the quality of this fic. I guess I'll have to really read it to see if it's any good.

Oh, and there is a pairing in this one...sort of. It's Harry/Death. Both forms of Death. And the ending totally sucked.

3/5 for now.

 

Did you not like the ending because it wasn't a happy ending?
Now that its not 4 a.m. I agree with a lot of you about a lot of the cliches, but I think this was one of the fics to set the foundation. Anyway its probably my memory inflating the story.

But the ending, I thought the ending was the best part. I still haven't seen an ending like that in any other story.

 

... Yeah it's pretty good, considering the time it was written. Not worth reading now though.

Too much of it was filler, the setting was predominantly in Hogwarts, there was Quidditch - a flaw in itself - the Ron/Hermione, there were author's notes in the middle of the story for some inexplicable reason that killed the immersion/flow. I find it hard to believe that ANs were fashionable even in the past.

The ending trivialized the entire story, the hardship this Harry went through, everything. It was the author's smug 'Fuck you, readers!! XD'. That is why it sucked.

In other words, there is reason you don't see a dick-move like this pulled often. If it were not for the length of the story, I would consider the author a troll.

It's like a less sophisticated and less talented version of Stephen King ending his Dark Tower series. Thankfully this is just fanfiction, and that I read this long after it was completed.

Slightly under average. 3/5

 

It's badly written (grammar and style. spelling is ok). The author is trying to write in a higher language level than he's comfortable with. A lot of over-the-top "Harry is so powerful and cool" cliches. OOC minor characters. Trying too hard to be dramatic, only manages immature.

1/5 for the spelling check, because I'm rating it as if it was new. When it was written, I'd have given a higher score. But the score should indicate whether it's worth reading now.

 

Agree with everything above - even taking into account the state of fanfiction at the time this was posted, this, while not cliche, overpowered, silly tripe, was still overpowered, silly tripe.

Have you read some of the library's gems from back then and compared them to this? I suggest doing so.

1/5

 

Does DLP not like Quidditch in its fanfiction?

 

Does anyone?

 

Just a hint Lightwater... Read a few of the stories in the DLP Library before you post anything else in the "For Review" section it'll help you to understand what quality really is.

 

Oh I know what quality stories are. I just like to focus more on the actual story rather than the written part of it. Writing (grammar, etc.), while essential, doesn't really have an effect on me when I read. I just look at the words and all I'm aware of is a motion picture in my head. As long as I get to watch a good movie, it's a good fic. I imagine its the same for most of you.

 

You admit it is not well-written, I suppose you are making progress! Keep going!

That doesn't have an effect on you either?

If only I had standards that low.

 

Wasn't Barb's trilogy written around that time?

That book had similar cliches in it (which weren't cliche at the time) yet was actually well written and was at least interesting to read. Whilst I don't think I'd enjoy Barb's trilogy now I think that hands down trumps this in just about every way.

 

Barb's Trilogy? uke:

Oh God...please don't get me started on that series!

Spoiler

I mean wow...where else do you have !mugglepsychiatrist Ron? (You're boffing our best friend because you feaar losing him and are therefore compensating him with sex when you and I both know you're mine...)

Then you have Hormonally addled Heroine Hermione--say that five times fast--whose appeal was somehow strong enough to persuade JKR to use her in place of the real Hermione from books 1-4! Her vaunted intelligence (which JKR went out of her way to rub in our noses every single book--bloody hell, Harry's just lost his Godfather, now's the perfect opportunity to say 'I told you so' to the grieving boy next to you! Right...right?

And trust me I could go on and on here--I haven't even gotten to Lily!Ginny yet or Marty Stu the faith healer, or bad boy Draco "Spike Wanna-Be" Malfoy. (I'm a bad boy but that's why you want me sweets.)

Perhaps my perceptions were skewed by the copy I originally read having missed the last three chapters--I actually gave Barb the benefit of the doubt there for a bit, and went off to see what else she wrote--maybe I was being too harsh on her? After all she wrote her trilogy and side stories right after book two so she did mostt original work, more or less. And the grammar ans spelling was quite well done. Hell P2P was trolling people with her stuff as if it were the official books and people were falling for it!

Then I discovered her other work, which could be more aptly titled 'The Cougar who Shagged Me' and I realized I was if anything, giving her too much slack!

So if you want to praise Barb, please don't do so around me! Heh and since you never know when I'll show up...

--bornagainpenguin

PS: Please pardon the rant, its nothing personal other than you being the unfortunate sod to bring her name up in front of me.

 

I don't care when it was written , you posted it now. The story is full of cliches , pranks ( ok for comedy but for superpower!Harry... seriously ? ) Decent grammar , but thats the thing that gives it it's 1/5