There are already several "Cool quotes" and "Funny quotes" threads open, but since none of them have been updated for some time, I figured I could start a new one.

So, if you come across some particularly memorable part while reading HP fanfiction, this is the place to post it. All definitions of 'memorable' are acceptable - stupid, poorly written, cool, funny, whatever. Just as long as you think a DLP member or two might find it interesting. Oh, and don't forget to state the source.


This particularly stupid battle scene is from here.

" You won’t always have all your friends here to save the day, Potter." Voldomort hissed, his anger getting more and more apparent.

Harry rolled his eyes. " Neither will you, Lord Voldomort." I have to think of a spell her won’t be expecting. Harry thought.

" Sectumsempra!" Harry yelled.

Voldomort was not prepared for this spell, and started bleeding madly, not unlike Draco Malfoy in Harry’s sixth year.

" What have you done!" Voldomort screamed, starting to panic. " Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"

 

Why is this one your favorite Ip82?

I'm actively stalking you, now, Haroon. Editing out spelling mistakes and shit. We have a spell-checker, dude. Use it.

-Dark Syaoran

 

It's not my favorite, it's was just stupid enough to remind me DLP could use a thread like this. I'm sure there are much better quotes out there, but I'm certainly not going to actively look for them; this is more of a 'target of opportunity' kind of thing.

 

Harry Potter and the Vampire's Love

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2949727/2/
Wishful Thinking by TheGoldenSeraphim

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3239527/10/
Heir of the Founders by Tenebrae Nivalis

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2378106/12/
Harry Potter and the Exploration of the Past by shadylion

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/22/
Harry Potter and the Hero's Path by the JackofDiamonds

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2686464/27/
To Fight the Coming Darkness by Jbern

A Slytherin Revenge by Stained-Future (no link)

I forgot the story name and the link.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2748449/5/
An Unlikely Brotherhood by LadyRhiyana

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/cEyURf7...o/Chapter 01
Defiance of a Hero by joe6991

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/gFqURRK...o/Chapter 11
Defiance of a Hero by joe6991

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/kGiURfV...o/Chapter 16
Defiance of a Hero by joe6991

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/oHaURYo...o/Chapter 18
Defiance of a Hero by joe6991

“What’s the plan, sir?” asked a man that was at least three times Harry’s age.

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/sISURaW...o/Chapter 20
Defiance of a Hero by joe6991

http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/dethryl/TSH04.html
They Shook Hands: Year One by Dethryl

http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/.../TSHYT09h.html
They Shook Hands: Year One by Dethryl

Harry Potter and the Finding of Power by MidnightPhoenixx
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2332291/1/

Harry Potter and the Tears of a Dragon by Master Eldryn
No link.

 

HP
I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

 

As far as errors go, this is pretty much a cliche by now, but this particular use of the word "bowel" still has me chuckling at random times:

This is from here

Here's another one I like, from bobmin's Sunrise over Britain:

 

I really liked these two, from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2299340/1/ - Attack of the Canon Relateds, by Wormtail Addict. A very entertaining parody of what would happen if the characters fanboys/fangirls make up for Hogwarts roleplays actually ended up in the HP universe.

 

Here are a few of mine. I'm not sure how the whole quote thing works so bear with me:

Oh, really, Weasley? Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face?! What was that? ‘Fuck me’? Ha, you wish, fag. Unlike some, I don’t have to give head to my best friend to get a position in a team - no, Professor, ‘head’ doesn’t mean anything rude at all! - So, McDonald with the ball - fine catch from the unattractive Gryffindor considering that the positively awful Gryffindor keeper threw it like a complete and utter Hufflepuff girl… And still no sign of either seeker spotting the snitch at this stage - something, by the by, I personally had no trouble doing - lost your touch, eh, Potter? Or is touching the thing you only reserve for certain redheaded best friends? Hey, has everyone heard the one about the Weasel and the Potty? It’s a song. ‘The Weasel clawed over the Potty’s rim then turned around and slipped himself in…’ ”

-A Flying Commentary by MamaLaz http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1613595/1/

She was not sure exactly when she had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy…maybe it was that time he called her a mudblood, or that other time he called her a mudblood, or that time he made fun of her, or that time he cursed her, or that other time he called her a mudblood. She just wasn’t sure, but she was sure of one thing, she loved him desperately with every fiber of her being. Her summer had been an agonizing agony of darkest despair without the sight of his aerodynamic hairstyle, his cold eyes…

~~Note: Draco’s eyes are never colors, they are always temperatures.~~

-Harry Potter and the Overdone Plot Devices by citygirl1116 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1788260/6/

She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing when one blinking orange and green sign in particular caught her attention. It read, at first, “V.O.M.I.T.,” then proceeded to spell out “Voters Opposed to Marriages Instituted through Tyranny.” An interesting choice, she decided. There wouldn’t be many in the world who would admit to membership in that particular group.

Her gaze slid to the purple sign beside it. “Witches Intending to Protest Eugenics.” W.I.P.E., she realized. Her eyebrows raised on their own accord in bemused – and amused – respect for anyone who would actually venture out in public holding that sign.

The coup de grâce, however was the enormous sign proclaiming its owner as a member of the “Association of Citizens Resisting Obligatory Nuptials for Young Muggle-borns.”

It wasn’t precisely a surprise that, once Tonks managed to unglue her eyes from the signs, she found that the protestors carrying them were none other than Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter.

-Yes, but by aestel http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2153323/11/

 

Nice ones, Almaren.

Here's a good one from the new chapter of The Innocence Of Guilt by ENSIGN.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2951627/4/
His destiny, darker destiny

 

I have just been reading that rubbish too. Got to chapter 13 before I finally gave up. It could be one of the worst things I have ever read.

I was going to use that quote too. Blink 182 in 1986 when Harry was five!!

Sorry, but what 5 year old does weights and sit ups? It is dangerous to do weights until the body is sufficiently developed.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2254006/1/ Made With Our Love

 

From here.

Yes, stupidity like this really exists...

 

L'Espirit de Hadrian by Lord Merrill

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3169490/1/

In Blood Only by E.M. Snape

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2027554/3/

 

The following is why I don't read fanfiction as much as some of you guys do. I don't know how you stand it, weeding through tripe over and over again. For every decent, well-written fic out there, there are a hundred other funky pieces of shit to go right along with it.

I haven't browsed ff.net for fics in a long while--I've been mostly looking at stuff reccomended in the library, whenever I have it in me to read. So this morning I did and I came across this, which is enough for me not to want to do that again for another year (that's how long it's been since I browsed).

Oh there is more...good god there is more.

 

One of the worst final-battle-lover-death scenes I've seen... well, lately.

From here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3358164/1/

 

In an HP fic. /whistles

 

From In Blood Only (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2027554/1/), probably the most tolerable Severitus fic out there. I think this is the perfect summation of Lockhart's personality.