Clarification: Nor will anyone make said pregnancy/mating rooms for Harry.

 

Clarification: Nor will anyone make Harry pregnant / turn him into a magical creature.

 

I'm pretty sure this is all covered in Potter Law X.

 

Potter Law # ?

Harry Potter is an average wizard. This includes his genitalia.

Addendum: Harry Potter's semen does not have mystical powers.

 

Promoting such a fact for certain purposes is, however, acceptable.

 

Potter Law # ?
If Harry Potter should use a sword (or any other melee weapon) he will not know how to use it properly. Harry Potter doesn't possess needed skills for sword fighting.

Amendment #1
Harry can learn how to fight with a sword but it will take a lot of effort, time and pain.

Amendment #2
Unless Harry Potter is a Witcher he will not carry his sword on his back.

 

Amendment #3

Harry Potter is not a Witcher because crossovers are against Potter Law.

 

The Hogwarts library is a School Library. It does NOT have incredibly valuable first folios by pre-Merlin uber-wizards detailing black magic rituals that will make Harry awesomely powerful, just waiting for Granger to find them.

They may detail "VERY consenting/everyone-into-the-Prefect-bathtub" ritual orgies.

 

Add on: If such a book is found, the orgy must occur within two chapters or never be mentioned again.

 

Until the epilogue. Our Hero needs his reward.

 

Haha, I like the Ginny is a Niffler animagus.

 

Potter Law #?

Purebloods (be they ignorant (like the Weasleys) or disdainful (like Malfoy and friends)), shall not in any way, shape, or form refer to muggle theology. This includes expressions such as "Thank God", "I swear to God", "Go to hell", "Why the hell", "Goddamn", etc. There is absolutely no reason for this to happen. It is lazy writing. Despite the conveniency of these expressions, Purebloods do not know shit about muggles, and as such will never use expressions such as these. Use your imagination to come up with expressions and exclamations that do not fuck with continuity.

Ammendment: If your story crosses over with Dresden Files or Hellblazer, you might be immune to this law.

 

Have you gone back and looked at the rather large number of times wizards and witches use terms like 'God' and 'Hell' in canon?

Potter Law #LXI

Marge Dursley does NOT raise pit bulls. No, I don't care how much meaner, cooler or more bad-assed they are or how much meaner that makes the fat old drunk bitch by association. She raises bulldogs, British Bulldogs!

Such pointless tweaking of canon is silly.

 

I am detecting anger at something here Warlocke. Do share, who is the troubled soul who detailed Marge's occupation in a story (shudder), and got it wrong, too?

 

Potter Law # ?

Harry Potter is not an action hero. Harry Potter will never be an action hero.

 

Erm...isn't that pretty much what DLPers want Harry to be? Either an action hero, or an action anti-hero, depending on your preference.

 

I couldn't name one in particular but I've seen it a number of times. Apparently bulldogs aren't mean enough so the author substitutes pit bulls. It's just annoying because it's another one of those canon details that commonly gets 'amped' for maximum effect! (tm)

I'm not one of those monkeys that bitches and moans every time an author strays from canon, after all, that's what fanfic is for. It's that they do it so needlessly for such lame reasons.

 

Nice one.

I'll add an addendum as well:

Harry Potter is a pussy.

Oh, and another one:

Harry Potter is in love with Ginny Weasley, and wants to name one of his sons Albus Severus.

 

I think he means something along the lines of-

Harry Potter is not James Bond.

 

Why the fuck not?

I personally wouldn't mind reading a fic where Harry ruthlessly snaps a few henchmen's necks, rather than sobbing over the loss of Sirius, and trying to fuck Ginny's cunt.