And speaking of the next chapter when approximately can we expect it?

I really like this story so far...



And your right about the sub-plots piling up. In my original fiction novel (now around 270 pages) its becoming a royal pain in the ass... Of course then again I deserve it for trying to write a novel that describes the American cultural identity... *mutters angrily*

ELLISON COULDN'T DO IT... BUT DAMMIT I WILL!!!!!


*shakes fist at sky*

Sorry about that off topic rant... Its just really frustrating because I have been stuck on the 1st interlude for so long and its starting to bug me.

 

I do hope this doesn't mean he gets his ass handed to him, just that it'll take some cheating to get away and leave a few of them hurting.

I'm all for adding some humor to the story, but parts of the humor in this chapter did feel forced. (Terence and Philip made me smile. If they start farting, that wouldn't float for me. I.P. Freely, seems irrelevant as a name in which case, I'd think you could come up with a more interesting one. But still points for the effort.)

The Order members did seem to jump ahead to things they would need awfully quickly. Muggle trackers, guard dogs, air support, survival training? For aurors? They know where Harry started and could easily get the same things he's supposedly traveling with? I'd think it would take a few hours of fruitless searching in that area before calling in the cavalry.

I like this essentially manipulative Dumbledore, but still not psycho or sociopathic. Seems like great men just try to do great things. And a lot of them, if they are successful, would in fact, be justifiable. But since they're not they seem horribly manipulative and unfair. But some of them are purely horribly manipulative and unfair. Most people try not to allow any reason or rational thought into manipulative-Dumbledore stories.

And the Anarchia book that's essentially a self-sustaining magical intelligence, is a fantastic idea. Kudos on that one. That's far more interesting and fascinating than discovering a magical portrait of (insert random genius historical wizard/witch for training).

Any ideas on how long this story will be? And how many other stories there will be? Considering this one is titled "1", I get the feeling there's going to be more than just a second Potter's Resistance.

 

Cheating doesn't always works. You'll see what happens on Sunday.

Terrence & Phillip thing was a spur of the moment decision. Since Higgs' name was already known from the canon and I've already decided to give him a Gryff friend, Phillip was the first thing that came to my mind. There WILL NOT be any further jokes concerning the characters from South Park - that would be totally lame.

As for the humor in general, that's the new thing I'm trying to pull. If I'm already writting dialogues, I'd rather have them witty and humorous than dry & serious. But this will never turn into a true humoristic story.

If you haven't noticed already, I'm just trying to do with PR what Tarantino is doing in his movies - generally cool semi-funny atmosphere, long scenes, a lot of background information on characters and blood/gore. I'm not sure I'm succeeding, but that's my goal anyway.

Well yes, they have general starting area (let's say a mile radius), but Harry supposedly have almost an hour head start. And he supposedly knows spells to cover his own tracks (he intentionally purchashed that book). Five of them couldn't possibly cover that area, especially considering the fact that they aren't prepared for going into forrest (no supplies, no eguipment... you don't go there half-arsed, unless you wanna get youself killed).

They need all that shit coz they aren't simply going for a walk - they are serching the rainforest for a person who doean't want to be found and has means to cover his own tracks. And they need muggles for the larger manpower (coz there obviously isn't enough wizards around that give a shit about explorong nature).

My Dumbledore is intended to be pure Slytherin. He's not not good or evil, but he's just looking after his own interests - Generally trying to keep England under control while building a name for himself.

He is NOT an OC character!

Try reading scenes featuring Dumbledore, skipping his inner thoughts and motivations, and you'll see that he's acting exactly like Dumbledore from the canon. Since in canon we never see things from his POV, you never know what are his true motivation. Who knows... I still may be right regarding him, although after HBP it's very unlikely.

I have plans for at least 3 parts. Of course, FF world is fickle, I may very well get smart and drop this whole FF thing . I'm pretty sure I'll finish this one, though (should get over 100K words and stop after the sorting feast), but for the other parts... who knows.

 

How soon do you think the next chapters out?

 

It's finished. I shold have sent it to beta tonight but I was too lazy to correct a few thingies I had missed earlier. I might finish it tonight or if not, then tomorow.

 

I never bother with a beta reader. I find that it slows me down too much.

 

You're an American. You've been speaking English your whole life. You don't have 5-6 grammar errors per pasus in your unbeaten chapters.

 

Point well taken. Your English posts here are typically correct and articulate to the point that I sometimes forget that you're from Eastern Europe. My apologies.

 

New chapter is completed. I've just sent it to Jolly for beta reading, so it should be up in a day or two. It's fucking 17.000 words so I think it's worth waiting...

 

Excellent, love long chapters. It's the only way to stay sane and not reread the last chapters so you know what is going on.

 

Yes, I find let's say 5,000 words every 10 days very irritating. It's just long enough wait to forget the plot and short enough to keep reading it. Short but fast (every few days) or long but slow chapters are the way to go...

 

New chapter is up, so feel free to leave your comments...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2625651/6/

 

duuude, good save by the drumstick on this chapter.

...letting Harry get beaten ass wiped by the likes of Rookwood (thought he did work for the Depart of Mysteries, which I always thought of as CIA ish/ special ops group). Yeah, I know you explained it very well why it happened and Harry's a pompous dumb ass here, but still doesn't mean I like it. And he wasn't even beaten by sophisticated spellwork. I do hope he's going to get better...right. :twisted:

Anyway, I did enjoy the twist you added to story like the voices and the chess game. I really liked the blackmailing Harry part in chapter 2, probably because he does something and it works in his favor. Your Dumbledore's also better than most, but despite what you said, I still think he's well past the dark (or slytherin as you call him) OC-canon line. The reason is that canon, for me, is not just the written words or point of view of the narrative/main character, it encompasses the point of view/frame of the author and his/her view of his/her world. And Rowling's point of view of Dumbledore and other things is...well known lol. So I have nothing wrong with OC, just that I define that more broadly and canon much more narrowly than normal people. I really really liked Ron and the voice in his head for some reason, maybe because it makes him seem like a dumb idiot for listening for it. Excellent! :twisted:

But there seems to be a lack of focus or feeling that unifies the story. I was thinking it keeps meandering between semi-serious issues and then has a whole load of admittingly humorous moments. Then I read your comment about what you were trying to do what Tarantino's doing so I guess I understand.

Personally, it's not working (for me) and I'll be honest. I don't really read HP parodies/humors, which I think is basically this story's 3rd genre. That doesn't work for me *shrug* and I can list on one hand the ones I really liked: Fayr Warning's, Opalish's, Roschalt's (sp?) Bloc... I read nonjon's btw, and it hasn't caused me to reshape my opinion, though I admit, some of the stuff's down right brilliant i.e. Daphne and Velma.

That could also explain why you don't have flooded reviews. Your story's content seems a tad heavy for what you are going for. I mean movie's one thing but if it takes 200-300 words in a story for a joke to come through....eh people might end up taking a rain check on that.

PS: I didn't believe you weren't American until you said you were East European... and what people were complaing about your spelling? Have of America probably couldn't produce stuff this good...(might be exaggerated, but not by much I don't think)

 

Wow, that got to be my longest review so far.

I don't think Harry was pompous. He wasn't planning on taking Rookwood head on, he did it only coz he screwed up the ambush. At one point he had a chance of making a run for it (with small chances of success - remember, he doesn't know how to apparate yet and Rookwood does), but in a split-secong decision, under the impression of DOM battle, he decided to take his chances in a head on battle.

I needed to whoop his arse to show how far off he is from some respectable dueling level. That's why there's no real blow-by-blow description of the duel - I also don't like to see Harry getting beaten but it was neccesary for the plot and character development.

I agree, my Dumbledore is definitely not what JKR envisioned in her books, but he is also not out of character. OOC Dumbledore is when he lets Harry go and do whatever he wants without suppervision, or when he's acting like a jerk in front of other people or yelling for silence etc. I think that my Dumbledore is still acting according to the canon - his thoughts and motivations are open game since they are never mentioned in JKR's books. He'll definitely slip to OOC sooner or later, but I think I'll have him keep acting canon-like for now.

I agree. I decided to write like this on purpose - fewer number of longer continous scenes, instead of writing his day to day life in general. Most people do it the other way, but I kinda prefer to write real-time scenes, even if that screws up with the plot flow. Just a matter of taste, I guess.

I'll be limiting humor to dialogues and an odd scene here and there. This will remain serious story, with a darkish plot and realistical descriptions of war. I think that many Dark!Harry writers screw up in that regard - just because Harry uses dark magic, it doesn't mean he has to speak like 13th century priest or the Imperator from Star Wars... That's a big clishe in all the fiction. I'm just trying to chage something in that reagard.

I'm actually satisfied with number of reviews. 1000 people leaving "It's good, post soon!!!!" reviews don't mean much to me.

I'm not actually sure on what 200-300 words joke are you refering. Almost all the jokes I write are one linears and basically just witty dialogues (except that part when the Order members were telling jokes).

Keep in mind that chapters 5 and 6 are edited by my beta. I don't have (much) problems with tenses and Word is fixing my spelling. I'm just making a lot of mistakes when placing "a" and "the" articles, but that's because there are no such articles in slavic languages so I don't have natural 'feeling' for writing them...

Anyway, thanks for the longest review yet and for criticising the story. More people shoul do that

 

Liked the new chapter. Awesome and very realistic. Great work.

 

Wow. Very good chapter. Nice and long. Keep it up.

 

wow. i can't wait for more

 

Very interesting chapter... loking forward to more...

 

*Ahem*

It's Good! Post soon!