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Oneshot Practise Makes Perfect by CiraArana - NC-17 (H/Hr)

Discussion in 'Restricted Section' started by Memory King, May 17, 2009.

  1. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Title: Practise Makes Perfect
    Author: CiraArana
    Rating: NC-17
    Genre: PWP
    DLP Category: Restricted Section
    Pairing: Harry/Hermione
    Status: Complete
    Summary: It was an idea only Hermione could come up with. Set during HBP. One-shot.
    Link: http://restrictedsection.org/file.php?file=6023

    The Restricted Section of our Library has been rather inactive for a while now, so I felt like throwing something at it. :)

    Writing style is pretty good from what I can tell, characterisation also excellent for a smutty piece.

    Biggest plus in my book is the lack of contrived plot devices often found in H/Hr fiction. No instant soul-mates, or characters hiding feelings for years this time around.

    A pretty nice fic on the whole IMO, not a master-piece but well above average.

    4/5


    Checked: July 30, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2012
  2. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    I definitely enjoyed it, in that it didn't paint sex as meaning you're tethered to that person for all eternity, as it seems a majority of fan-fiction implies.

    4/5
     
  3. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    Guise, you gotta have a username and password to view? Not cool.
     
  4. Red

    Red Groundskeeper

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    Password: lulz

    I rate the fic a 4/5 for realistic approach to H/HR smut, not to mention good writing and believable characterization. Now to return to lurking.
     
  5. darklordmike

    darklordmike Auror

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    4/5 from me too.

    The smut was good, even if it moved too quickly to sex for it to be totally realistic. But for a PWP story, the characterization was excellent--pretty close to the canon personalities.

    My only real quibble would be with Hermione's depiction. She was too....passionate, I guess, is the right word. It seems like she would be more methodical and curious than overwhelmed with lust.
     
  6. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

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    Nice. It was pretty believeable, even though it's only a sex fic. The only thing that annoyed me was a few of the authors metaphors - Dolby sound? I just think the story would have been fine without it. Still, it was library worthy for sure. I'd say 4/5.
     
  7. Havoc

    Havoc Seventh Year

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    Devoured this fic ages ago. I am a harmony whore after all. 4/5 for decent writing and the ability of the fic to get my penis up.
     
  8. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Tell me, have you ever been able to think clearly when confronted with a naked woman/man? Hermione is still human you know. Lust affects her just as much as anyone else.
     
  9. Pyromaniac

    Pyromaniac Third Year

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    Thanks Desh.

    Aye, not too shabby, and I like how it shows the characters as human beings, instead of magnets (you know, get them close and *plink*).

    However, Hermione's lack of worry about pregnancy and such bugs me--I assume that her parents gave her the talk, and we know she's read up on the subject in the muggle world.

    3/5
     
  10. Imariel

    Imariel Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Personally I believe you shouldn't trouble a smut story with too much of the technical nature, unless it's a novel length smut story of course, where you could place all the technical information in the "non-smut" parts.

    As for the story itself, a tad cliche idea, but still very good in the sense that it didn't use too much plot devices as someone mentioned above, no soul-mate bonds etc. Add in the close to canon characterizations and you have a winner.

    4/5
     
  11. Xanatos

    Xanatos Professor

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    Thats what made this better than most, the close cannon characterisation, really helped you to get into the fic.

    Nice fine, 4/5
     
  12. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

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    This is about as close to a perfect PWP as you're going to get. As has been said, close canon characterisations, excellent writing and no soul mates/bonds talk make it a great read.

    4/5
     
  13. Nukular Winter

    Nukular Winter The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    In what world is this not contrived?

    Hermione: "Hey Harry, let's practice making out."
    Harry: "Okay, I guess."
    Harry & Hermione: *make out*
    Hermione: "How was that?"
    Harry: *points at his throbbing manhood*
    Hermione: "You practice putting baby in me now!"
     
  14. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    Thanks for the p-word Desh!

    5/5, never too early to read porn.
     
  15. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    It's less contrived than most H/Hr fiction out there, and to be fair to Hermione's character, she originally only intended to ask Harry about Ron's peculiar behaviour.

    PWP is usually contrived to at least some extent anyway.
     
  16. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    Well, when you're writing smut, it's hard not to contrive a story, since you want to get to the action in the quickest way possible.

    In this case the story is not only heavily contrived but cliched. I mean honestly, it's the oldest smut device in the book, practice kissing? No thought went into how Harry and Hermione would get it on. It's not the least bit believable. Not to say Hermione can't be a bit of a whore, but there's no development to make her desire to practice kissing even slightly believable.

    Not that the smut here is exactly bad - I find it adequate and enjoyable enough, but it barely deserves a 3 from me. The author could do better with a little more brainstorming since this barely kept my attention at all. Maybe I'm just spoiled, but there was scant creativity here.
     
  17. Captain Trips

    Captain Trips High Inquisitor

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    Not to shabby for a smut piece 4/5 from me
     
  18. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

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    I came across this one some time ago when searching rs.org for something vaguely readable besides Incubus. I finished the re-read last night and it's still interesting and plausible. Well written and constructed. It's too bad the author is a slasher when it comes to the rest of her "work". 4/5
     
  19. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    Excellent mechanics. Transition to third base is too clumsy and could be improved, which is a common problem in PWP.

    Storywise I would enjoy it much more if she a little more shyly put forth the idea of "practice" though it was belied by how she internally feels and clumsily seduces him. Actually the elements are there but the line below ruins it and should be cut out.

    "She shook her head. ‘Don’t you see, Harry? That’s the reason why it’s so perfect! We can practise and … well, no one’s going to be hurt when the other does something wrong and … no one’s expecting more …’" (most disappointing line in whole story)

    Yes, someone justifying that too much stinks.

    Also nitpicking because the characterization is quite good, but Hermione's language and behavior are a smidgeon off.

    I find it refreshing, the little more introspective tone of narrator might be because this PWP was written by a female POV.

    "She looked up at him. ‘That’s not what the book said.’

    He frowned. ‘Book?’

    She nodded miserably. ‘When I was home the summer before last, I bought a book about … well, about boys and relationships and stuff. It said that a sure way to get a boy’s attention would be to show you’re … desired.’

    Harry wrinkled his nose. ‘Well, I’m not sure what this means, but … The author can’t have been a boy.’

    ‘No, it was a woman, but she had a PhD in Psychology, Harry!""

    Then again some of the "cock" references seem like a woman came up with them (feelings too ambivalent, also too much of a distinct entity).

    "as a flash of lust shot right into his bursting penis, and he felt more liquid leaking out"

    Yuck! Also, he must have super-sensitive nips, amirite?!? Talk about menstruation at the end and a little bit of moralizing with Ron detract. Heck Ron shouldn't have showed up at all.

    People should completely exploit lighthearted H/Hr smut keeping her in character where she is annoyed/confused by or oblivious to her developing pert body where the guys are in turn conflicted/embarrassed.

    I rate Desh 5/5.
    This story gets a 4/5, but the author could improve it to 5/5 with a bit of work.

    What are some other ones I like? If I remember right, there was that one where the author came here after we rated it well with "I am bemused by the amount of attention this ficlet gets when I wrote it on a whim," and everyone here was, "because you generate slash."

    TGYH-DLP. Big D's Hermione's a little wtf slutty but pretty delectable. Shame it's not expanded.
    Harry Potter and the Popsicle of Doom by Taure's builds the tension really nicely. I just can't stand that it's about a popsicle.
     
  20. reggin

    reggin Filthy Half-Breed DLP Supporter

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    I thought it was pretty good. Was waiting for Harry to finally just stick it in her pooper though. 4/5