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WIP Precocious Crush by Makokam - Kick Ass - M

Discussion in 'Anime, Cartoons, and Comics' started by Cxjenious, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    A notable point of this thread has been concerns about over-sexualising a pre-teen girl in Precocious Crush. Trying to prompt the author to turn this into a dark, pedo, sexual fantasy is retarded. Take your hand off your cock when you're posting.
     
  2. Makokam

    Makokam Muggle

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    I think I like this place. :D

    In regards to your comments about Mindy's inexperience and emotional immaturity...
    Yeah. I know. ^_^

    The scene that came into my head that made me want to write this story actually takes place in the last... let's be optimistic and say fourth of the story. But I looked at it, and I saw all the other stories that put Mindy with someone, and I said to myself, "Let's see how it got to this point." So, I started at the epilogue of the movie and went from there.
    I didn't intend for it to end up as long as it's going to be, but the characters tend to have a mind of their own and the more I think about it the more idea's I get.
    But it does give me a chance to really show the growth of Mindy. She'll learn more about normal relationships, she'll come to understand more about her own damage, and she'll experience all sorts of things that will end up bonding her to Dave even more.

    But, as I said, this isn't that kind of fic.

    Dave and Mindy are going to go through hell. Remember when Mindy was jumped? Yeah. that was just a taste of what's going to happen to these two. And it wont always be at the hands of other's. Didn't forget the beating Mindy gave Dave for lying to her about resuming hero work?

    Holiday Bonus is definitely a recommended read, by the way, if none of you have read it. Especially the first(Valentines Day) and fifth(Memorial Day) chapters. I think it give a very nice taste of the sort of things that'll happen in the future.

    Oh, and reread my summary of the story. Really read it. And think about it.

    Love to talk more, but time for me to run.
     
  3. disposablehead

    disposablehead Seventh Year

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    Has anyone read Only Her? Only two chapters so far, but it's basically Precocious Crush from Dave's perspective, with the crush reversed. Lots of marvelous awkward boner moments. Give it a look.
     
  4. Innomine

    Innomine Death Eater Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Ok, an 11 year old girl having a crush on a 15 year old guy is pretty squicky, but I guess I could read it.

    A 15 year old guy having a crush on an 11 year old girl is just too far however.
     
  5. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    I like it, but it feels like he's going over the top with boners to help make it feel different from Mindy's POV. I guess it works, so long as Mindy refrains from the term 'lady boner', but it feels really half-assed, especially in comparison. It's not like every other paragraph in PC has a line about how soaked her panties are getting just to remind the audience she's a girl.

    I honestly don't understand why everyone seems so bothered by this. Pretty much every girl I've ever heard of has had a crush on an older guy at some point. It's just that most of them aren't Hit Girl. Hell, since it's her best friend that she has a crush on, it's not even that bad.

    Everyone's a pedo for Hit Girl :awesome

    ...can't really argue, though.
     
  6. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Where Precocious Crush is fun and awkward moments, Only Her is dark and disturbing. Dave is a particularly tragic character. He's in love with a girl who's physically and emotionally under-developed. He worries about his self-control around her, but continues to tempt fate by continually putting himself in dangerously intimate situations with her. She's a drug he can't kick. The story is a tragedy.

    To add to that, Dave is in a physical relationship with his girlfriend while committing this emotional infidelity. An infidelity that he's not even attempting to bring to an end. He knows that he's a monster. He knows that what he feels is wrong. He's not going to stop.

    Only Her is definitely not a story for everyone. It's going to make most readers very uncomfortable. It feels like a train wreck in slow motion. I can't wait to see how it ends.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2011
  7. disposablehead

    disposablehead Seventh Year

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    @Styx: Everything possible with Kick-Ass will be half-assed when compared to Precocious Crush.

    @Yak: The tragedy is what I like about it. Instead of the cute irony of an 11 year-old crushing on an older guy who she could probably pulverize, Dave's crush goes into all sorts of weird territory. He's directly responsible for the death of Mindy's father. He is her only real friend, or at least that's how it comes across in this story. His role as masculine protector becomes very squicky.

    This story makes me cringe. That doesn't make it any less fascinating.
     
  8. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Not true. Shortly after first reading Precocious Crush, I want on a Kick-Ass binge and tried to find others. Found three/four great ones, plus a couple decent ones.
     
  9. disposablehead

    disposablehead Seventh Year

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    Links, motherfucker!

    Pretty please?
     
  10. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I didn't mean to imply otherwise. My comments about Only Her were meant to be a brief analysis, not an indictment. I'm hoping that Dave continues heading downhill, at speed, until we come to a tragic ending. Or at least an unhappy one [for Dave or the reader?].

    Only Her is Precocious Crush's evil twin. I'm hoping that they conclude in stark contrast to one another.

    Library. Please. <_<
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2011
  11. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Haha, yeah, no problem. I didn't at the time because my connection was shit, but I've no excuse now. I'll look them up and edit this post in a couple minutes.

    Edit: First off, Makokam has more then a few decent ones. Most are oneshots, and I won't bother linking them here for obvious reasons. I'd recommend you check them out anyway, if you haven't already.

    Act of Consecration
    :Oneshot. Not great, I'd call it decent. Probably about a 3/5.

    Misadventures in Dating
    : Short, four chapters. It's a fun little fic, I'd give it a 3.5. Just to avoid anyone giving it a glance and getting squicked out, this takes place several years after the movie, as far as I can tell.

    Mindy Vs The Bike: Oneshot. It was written for the contest Makokam put out in one of the earlier PC chapters. Don't remember if it won or not. Nice tone, it patches PC pretty well. 4/5.

    The Case of the Santa Claus Strangler: Shortish, ten chapters with decent size. The opening author's note claims family guy inspiration, but aside from one plot element it isn't noticeable. I remember this one being pretty good. 4/5. I remember mentions of a sequel somewhere, but I could be mistaken.

    Kicking Ass For Life: Shortish, eight chapters with medium-decent size. Pretty much deals with Dave taking up the mask again. Unofficial (obviously) sequel to the movie with comic elements. 4/5.

    Life Kicked Back
    :Shortish, seven chapters and a long authors note. It's the sequel to Kicking Ass For Life. Takes place years later. 4/5.

    Breathless: Decently sized. Eighteen chapters of varying sizes. It's a sequel to the comics, so if you aren't familiar with them already you'll be playing catch-up. I'll put an explanation of what you're missing in spoiler tags at the bottom of this post. This is a really dark fic. It's harshly realistic in more then one spot. Don't go in expecting bunnies and rainbows. That said? It's really damn good. 5/5.

    Nocturne: In progress, twelve good sized chapters so far. Sequel to Breathless, and it shares a lot of the themes. 4.5/5 for now, and it might get better or worse. Again, dark.

    Our Truth
    : In progress. Three shortish/decent chapters so far. Defiantly not for everyone, since I have no idea how old Mindy is. Pretty sure she's at least a couple years older, but I have no clue. It isn't very well written, I'd give it a 2 or a 3 out of 5 at best.

    The Bloody Adventures of Dave and Mindy: In progress. Four fairly long chapters so far. Future fic about Dave and Mindy having grown up and had children. The children became vigilantes as well. It's weird, but decent. 3/5.

    Huh. Could of sworn I had more then that. Oh well. For anyone trying to look up more, these were all found by setting the pairing to Dave/Mindy. I have no idea how many others are buried in the rest of it.

    For those unfamiliar with the comics and want to know the major diffrences without reading them:
    1.Dave didn't get the girl. After he revealed that he wasn't gay, she flipped out. Had her boyfriend beat the shit out of him, and texted him pictures of her sucking the guy off.
    2.Mindy's dad was lying. The whole mother killed by the bad guys, ex cop getting vengeance? Never happened. Dude was an accountant that read to many comic books, and wanted to be a hero. He kept his collection in a silver briefcase and sold them when he needed money, after kidnapping his baby daughter who he raised into Hit Girl. At the end, instead of going to Marcus, Mindy went to live with her mother, who she had been lead to believe was dead.

    Keep in mind that that's what I've grasped from reading the wiki and put together from a few different fics.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2011