I just started to read this (on Ashaya's rec) and so far I like it quite a bit. The worldbuilding has been pretty good and enjoyable.

But I'm not a real fan of the slash undertones. It seems as if author is just mentioning it jokingly, but it really doesn't come off that way.

I just finished chapter 19 and few things bugged me a bit. First it was calling Natalie, at eleven years old, a blonde bombshell. Really? I mean, Really? When I was eleven I was using my lunch foil to make figurines and have them kill each other. Also, she refered to the bit at the end of the chapter (Malfoy christmas part, Lucius/Narcissa scene) as 'M', and it wasn't really even 'T'.

Still, so far I am enjoying it, there have been a few typo's grammatical errors but not that many. I'd rate it at a 4, but nothing more due to some shaky characteristic inconsistencies.

 

See, when I was eleven, I was actively persuing girls, grabbing asses, and general being a young lecher. I was also cutting out stick men, attaching paper clips to them, and using them to kill each other. It all depends on how early you were introduced to sex and porn.

 

Sex-ed was 5th grade, so around 10 years old. But really, referring to a 6th grader as a blond bombshell? The story itself is fine for the most part, but there's just random lines that sprinkled throughout that seems like the author's resistance to speeding up their maturity levels has crumbled.

 

Mostly it works well. Most authors absolutely suck at maturity levels, so for this fic the inconsistencies were niggling at most for me. They don't start to consider romance until at around 14, and even then there is no weird pedo sexy times like in some fics. Maturity in other areas like intelligence do increase gradually, though I'll agree that generally these kids are higher order thinkers than their age would suggest, but not by so much it ruined my immersion.

 

I just finished part 2, book 2, story 2, year 2, whatever it's called (and the first chapter of year 3). I would be understating my feelings if I said I was merely disappointed.

The ritual scene with Voldemort and Harry was pretty cool and the writing was quite powerful... up until the point it was mention that Harry's magic had aligned with an element. That seemed quite pointless, but luckily it hasn't been mentioned again.

I dislike all the slash undertones... every male character has them. Draco joking said something about taking Harry as his boyfriend if one of the girls didn't... he's twelve. they're all twelve. I don't think the author realized how to write a character properly, they all are pretty much the same, and I don't like any of them.

But overall, the implementation of the Basilisk and the Chamber scene is probably the worst I have ever read. Umbridge... right. Parselflute...... right..... drowning in a puddle just so Snape can save him...... right. And of course there is finding Godric's sword at the exact right moment... that snippet was only saved by the idea of it being hoarded in a basilisk nest.

And then the next chapter Harry finds a job so he can speak parseltongue to the snakes... the author just showed that it was possible to make working copies of the parselflute.

The implementation of Tom Riddle overall was simply terrible. The author was trying to do something that was somewhat original, but actually managed to make it worse than canon.

And then the author makes Harry live with Snape during the summer. I don't mind the idea of magical children working, it teaches them life lessons and skills they might not get in a school, but Hagrid is forced upon Harry is some sort of unspoken bond of compassion. Having Hagrid working with magical animals is a good idea, but the author's implementation was terrible. But Harry living with Snape is so awful, its ridiculous. Harry by all rights should hate and loathe and detest the man, but again, it clear the author wants some sort of relationship between the two. And why is Harry even cooking for the man? There's been no indication that Harry even knows how to cook. Petunia fed him after he painted.

I hope year three is a lot better. The worldbuilding is good like many people have said, but the children characters are simply awful. Right now I probably wouldn't rate the story higher than a 3/5, but its still worth reading. Reading about a bipolar Harry with Stockholm Syndrome is not very entertaining.

 

Updated.

So so update, advances the plot some but no really meaty stuff going on. Kind of just waiting for the action at this point.

 

Interested in seeing what happens with this fairy princess in the future.

 

I thought the tweaked prophecy was stupid. It serves no purpose. It doesn't advance the plot or add any motives that weren't there any more than the original prophecy.

In fact I'm generally becoming disillusioned with this story. The beginning is awful, the plots pile up without much advancement, plot ideas are introduced and discarded and just pile up to the point where the author really needs to start resolving them. But he doesn't. He just continues to build. He gets so entranced with his new plot ideas that he seems to completely forget his old ones.

The worldbuilding's great. Other than that, I'm not as much a fan anymore.

 

This story felt much better when I read it over few days rather than waiting weeks between new chapters. Some stories (or chapters) just grab you right back in, but I'm struggling a bit here. For the first time this chapter really made me feel like some end could be in sight, but this fairy stuff just feels an addition that wasn't necessary. I can only keep juggling so many plot devices before I drop something.

 

I like this story a lot. It's very original and the society under Riddle is interesting.

I don't think there are too many plots, the story is divided into several books and there are different plots and adventures in each year. Like in the original books, it is one main universe and the themes continue throughout, but each year has different complex plots.

The complexity can get distracting if you have long pauses between chapters, but when you read the story in one go you can follow the plots and turns. I find the increasing complexity and new developements very exciting and when you get over the beginning the story is a real gem.

 

That's it, right there. This is what is happening with this fic; every time I start to dislike it, a chapter comes out and hooks me back in.

This is the review I left

and her response

 

New chapter.

A disappointment again. More and more stuff with elves and fae which I don't care about. I'd like for this part to end quickly.

 

Yeah, this story has just gotten too long with too many parts for me. I enjoyed it when it was going with the war/country angle, but now I've lost all interest. It seems like the other doesn't have any sort of plot planned out anymore and is just whinging it.

 

New chapter. End of the fairy tale finally, hopefully we'll get something interesting next and not some new plot idea.

 

Agreed. Seems like the entire arc is for a new magic sword and Voldemort losing an arm, really. I wish the time & chapter had been spent on Dumbledore and Krum and etc.

Also, just went all grammar nazi on the new chapter. This could seriously use some beta work.

 

The end part of the chapter was 10 times more interesting than the whole elf story arc combined.

 

I can understand the spelling and grammar mistakes (almost), but the way s/he just completely changes tense throughout the chapter really bugs me.

Anyway. Not a bad chapter; I like the action and it's always fun seeing Voldemort screwing with Harry. I'm not sure the new info warrented the amount of time the arc has taken though. I can't see her doing much more in the sixth year, so that leaves the seventh year to tie up everything, and I think there's going to be too much.

Edit: On the topic of mistakes, having Harry cast Sectumsempra, then having Voldemort comment that Serpensortia was a nasty spell was spectacular.

 

Even though this wasn't on par with most Hogwarts chapters, the end of the fae is good, and hopefully the whole Tom thing is coming to a conclusion soon.

 

Well. It looks like she is finally asking for betas. Actually, she is looking for six of them. I hope she manages to pick people that are good, and doesn't just deal with grammar but structuring the plot better. I would volunteer if my grammar didn't... well... suck.

In a few days, I think I'm going to post a massive review with her faults. She tends to read and respond to all her reviews, so I'll see what she says.