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WIP Prince of the Dark Kingdom by Mizuni-sama - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by headbanger22, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    An update. I like Amelon and Tom was great.

    I don't know if I like the author's heavy-handed approach to villainize Voldemort in Harry's eyes, when earlier it was quite the opposite. Too much of a change for me, it should be more gradual and less obvious.
     
  2. TSN

    TSN Auror

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    I don't think Voldemort is evil. he is a fanatic true, but no more or less than what I expected of someone living in a society as backward as they are. (from our point of view)

    Heck some country in the modern world still has ruler who have done worst shit than this Voldemort.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2014
  3. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    And a new chapter.
    Seems like ages since the last one. Though I could vaguely remember most of the plot points.
    The author likes to crawl. Not much happening. Even the ending felt a bit 'mah', would like to see how it finished. Since I will be waiting 3 months or so...
    Though kudos for killing a character introduced in the first book. Though it was unexpected, it had meaning for Harry, after all his childhood friend is now dead.
     
  4. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

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    I liked the ending, and I want to see this Amsel woman eaten alive.
     
  5. JohnThePyro

    JohnThePyro Headmaster

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    Updated

    Not quite sure how I feel about this one. The pattern of something always going wrong has gotten to the point where you can predict what's going to happen from the start of the chapter. For once I just want Harry to kick some ass without completely fucking himself up in the process. At this point, it would be a nice change of pace.
     
  6. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    Again with the homoeroticism. Voldemort confronts Harry naked in the bath and then they wrastle for a while, thankfully while clothed. When are they going to bone and get it over with.

    I liked the stuff with all the secondary characters like Amelon, getting to some good stuff there. And the duel was quite good, but I would have liked a bit more spell play. The writing could also have been a bit more clear as to what was happening, especially before the end. Overall though, quite an entertaining fight that had some great moments.
     
  7. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    That erotic undertone was there from the beginning and I do not think the author will ever change.

    As to the fight, it was decent, though a little over-the-top. I mean, the full moon thing? While cool, it is a real gamebreaker, you wonder why people are even afraid of werewolves. Yeah, yeah... forbidden knowledge, very difficult... not really, it didn't seem so from the fight. Reminded me of the super overpowered killer paper birds.
     
  8. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    To be fair Amsel has spent most of her life finding ways to kill werewolves. So her knowing an obscure and powerful spell to block the moon makes sense.
     
  9. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    Her not sharing it with everyone else does not.

    It's the same problem, if there are more powerful spells, why aren't people using them?

    That spell would render every werewolf powerless, why wouldn't she teach it to every auror in Germany? And why didn't Oblitz use it? And the idea that it couldn't work on Greyback's super werewolves is ridiculous, since it worked on Harry's divine super powers.

    It seems that the author just writes it a chapter at a time disregarding everything that came before, not that it is anything particularly surprising, almost every (even professional) author does it.
     
  10. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    Or maybe wizards are proud and secretive creatures, and these spells are family treasures shes using as a last resort. People arent always ruthlessly practical.
     
  11. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    Amsel, who was a fanatic and determined to the eradication of werewolves would not do that. At least not from what we have seen.
     
  12. LoyalFenian

    LoyalFenian Fourth Year

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    But you just answered your own question. She was and remains a fanatic. You simply can't predict fanatics.

    Period.
     
  13. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    What? Fanatics are the most predictable people there are. They are not rational, but follow the same pattern all the time.

    But, that issue nonwithstanding, I just feel it was a cheap way to introduce drama to the duel. As I've said it is very common.

    Let's create a fictional series in a fantasy world, with wizards. In book 1, wizards will conjure fire from their hands, in book 2, there will be a wizards who change everyone into sheep, in book 3, they will raise volcanoes, in book 4, they will destroy the moon, in book 5, they will change the gravitational constant of the universe. See?
     
  14. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    What are you saying here? I'm not sure what this is about, especially in relation to the fic...
     
  15. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    I thought I was being pretty clear.

    The short version is: it doesn't make sense. It contradicts the worldbuilding in previous chapters.
     
  16. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    I'm not trying to pick on you but I genuinely dont understand what your statement is trying to accomplish. You've just listed a bunch of cool spells that people could use, I dont see how breaking one law of the universe contradicts breaking any other ones later on. In fact that progression seems like a good scale of powerups for magic in a series. How does this contradict worldbuilding?

    I just want to understand what you're thinking here because currently it doesnt make any sense.
     
  17. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    What I was trying to say is that authors usually do not consider their earlier work relevant to the series as it develops. That's why you get a constant "power" upgrade in any ongoing one. It makes the reader more engaged, since the characters are getting more powerful from what they were previously. This, however, can contradict previous world building, as it did here.

    Let's take things apart and consider them one at the time (all the references are to PotDK).
    For the start we'll do this chronologically:

    1) Werewolves are powerful and dangerous (book 3)
    2) Werewolves are resistant to magic (book 5 - battle in the underground)
    3) A single wizard can disable any number of werewolves (last chapter)

    My whole point boils down to the fact that if there was a spell that could prevent werewolves from changing, then Oblitz would have used it in the underground. No way would a fanatic like Amsel withhold that crucial piece of knowledge from a man who went undercover to a country that supported werewolves.

    That's why this fic has fallen into the, very common, trap of powering up its characters disregarding the previous plot.
     
  18. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    Your argument is ridiculous. First of all increasing the scale of your story generally increases the stakes and makes it more exciting, not only because people are getting more powerful but for the spectacle and wonderment of shit blowing up on a grand scale. And the really weird part is your list there.

    You've made an assumption that the spell prevents werewolves from changing, which doesnt have a basis in the story. It cuts off Harry's connection to the moon, but he isnt a werewolf and he didnt transform. No evidence to say that it does or doesnt affect regular type wolves. Secondly, as we discussed earlier you are making a huge assumption about Amsel's motivations and behaviour. Others and I think that its totally within character for a hateful witch to keep deep, powerful secret spells to herself and not hand them out left and right.

    It also doesnt contradict the previous story points at all. So since the exists one obscure spell that hard counters werewolves, the species' resistance to other forms of magic and strength is somehow invalidated? Simply put the plot progressed and introduced new things and some of those shed new light on thoughts previously held in the series.

    I really dont want to keep arguing this, your interpretation of events is obviously just different from mine. I liked all that stuff and I guess you didnt.
     
  19. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Plus at no point do I see a contradiction because all your argument tells me is that a wizard is more dangerous than a werewolf. Something we all had a hunch about, I'm sure.
     
  20. Lysianda

    Lysianda Squib

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    An incredible story, well worth the read. It does take some time to get into, but that shouldn't put anyone off. The sheer effort put into world building is amazing. The author is, furthermore, willing to go the extra mile and put suspense and intrigue into the story.

    There are times when it comes across as a little clumsy and there are small mistakes scattered throughout, but on the whole this is one of the greatest fanfictions out there.
     
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