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WIP Prince of the Dark Kingdom by Mizuni-sama - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by headbanger22, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. LuxDragon

    LuxDragon Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
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    117
    Update. This new teacher just became really interesting.
     
  2. Anashek

    Anashek First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2008
    Messages:
    25
    Location:
    Missouri (Misery?)
    First off... 4.5/5 so far. I love this story because I've read so many where Harry joins the Dark Lord and their plans are just like this story - the kidnapping, the classes for muggleborns, etc. However, those stories usually ended there with no real detail on what happened, etc... This story brings to life something I've always wanted to read, and Harry being a child during it all just makes it that much better... I am curious to see whether he will ultimately side with Voldemort or turn against him.

    As for the newest chapter... The paranoid part of me thinks that Larousse is out to get Harry and use him in her nefarious plans... But the other part thinks she really just wants to protect Harry... But probably still use him (damn, that paranoia never leaves). It'll be interesting to see what happens with her.
     
  3. Galleon

    Galleon DA Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
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    United States
    4.5/5 Only missing the half a point because it's not completed. Fantastically original concept, great writing style, and a lot of likable characters.
     
  4. della_couer

    della_couer Second Year

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Location:
    Michigan
    Just finished reading this, quite the ride. Perhaps the one thing that I must say is that this story shows how much a tale can be shaped and morphed by an amazing setting. The multi-layered society created here is one that brings the story to life. Also the writer is quite accomplished at blending canon characters with those of the writer's invention. Something that isn't always done well.

    Perhaps the only part that has me cringing at times is the 'religious' aspect. The world seems split between two religious doctrines. Voldemort, while well written, seems to have become a pagen whose reason behind the war was to allow other pagens the right to practice their beliefs outside the wizarding world's Christian hierarchy. In some ways, raising the conflict to the level of a religious dispute may afford more validity than the ridiculous blood-purity...it still seems very odd by my mind.

    But, still a marvelous fic, well written, interesting plot, well developed characters and, as I say, a setting that makes everything seem new and fresh.
     
  5. Othalan

    Othalan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
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    595
    Location:
    Albuquerque, New Mexico
    Well, for a while, I thought 'hmm, this is pretty good', until I got to this part in chapter 22:

    He took one last sip of his tea and then stood, beginning to pace the breadth of the room. Fenrir watched him curiously, almost amused. He knew Voldemort never indulged in pacing while amongst wizards. Such a thing would be considered a lack of self control and dignity. Whilst visiting the werewolves (he did so once or twice a year, supposedly on diplomatic visits, but really because it was a vacation to him) he tended to care very little about appearances.

    He slept late. He didn’t bother shaving or brushing his hair. He ate with his fingers and drank too much. He swore. He kept his shirt untucked and walked around barefoot. He flirted with everyone. In general, he acted as young as he looked, and as uncouth as his muggle upbringing inclined him to be. The only reason he wasn’t degenerating at the moment was he would have to return to his usual duties within the hour and it took time to fall back and forth between behaviors.

    And with those two paragraphs, I was blown away. I have never seen Voldemort characterized in such a way. Never. I've seen smart!Voldemort, stupid!Voldemort, sneaky!Voldemort, and everything in between, but I've never seen human!Voldemort. Every fanfic author I've read, even the most skilled, has portrayed Voldemort as some talented, but shallow and inhuman monster. To see the Dark Lord's little quirks that affirm his humanity is simply amazing.

    5/5
     
  6. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

    Joined:
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    1,438
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    Florida
    Yeah, Voldemort's characterization is probably one of the best things about this story.

    It's actually probably my favorite characterization of him in all of HP fanfiction.
     
  7. The Duke

    The Duke Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    266
    Location:
    B.C. Canada
    From the newest chapter:

    SEMI-SPOILER

    “We shouldn't be following this woman,” the lone female insisted, “She's obviously a trap."

    LOL
     
  8. RustyRed

    RustyRed High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2008
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    546
    Location:
    Washington, USA
    Er, I'm secretly in love with this Voldemort. >.> Honestly, he's way more interesting than Harry in this story, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But their interactions are great. Harry biting Voldemort! Best thing ever. I'd say up until the last few chapters (Larrouse is kind of... weird and annoying and boring... although I do like the increasing attention on le Resistance!) this was my favorite work in progress.

    4.5/5
     
  9. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
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    1,279
    Location:
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    Larrouse is touching on being a Mary-Sue. She is beautiful and totally competent and doesn't take shit. She comes in and impresses Snape into being willing to marry her.

    I'de kinda like to see her end up fucking up and being eaten by the wolves.
     
  10. The Dark Monarch

    The Dark Monarch Backtraced

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
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    638
    Location:
    Stuck in the bleeding hot desert
    I give it a 87% chance of that happening.
     
  11. Samuel Black

    Samuel Black Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
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    1,302
    Yeah, she's really starting to annoy me. I really enjoyed this story, but the last few chapters that she's been in have just been 'meh' to me.
     
  12. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    I don't mind her too much. I'm generally not a fan of OC's, but she's decently well written and not nearly as bad as most other OC's that pop up in stories I've read.

    I agree she's somewhat Mary Sue-ish, but not over the top or anything. Yeah she's depicted as beautiful and competent, but I don't think that alone is enough to label her a Mary Sue.
     
  13. Samuel Black

    Samuel Black Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2007
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    I don't know what it is about her, but I can't stand reading her scenes. She just bothers me.
     
  14. RustyRed

    RustyRed High Inquisitor

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    Washington, USA
    Yeah, I think it's a combination of the fact that she's not an awesomely interesting good guy or a deviously intriguing bad-guy. She just sort of floats around somewhere in the middle. She's like... an average person, with nothing compelling about her to make me even care to know more. Well, except that whole werewolf history, but even that is both hard to swallow (considering what she's like now... lilac dress suits?) and she didn't seem to grow from it in an interesting way. She's borderline crazy, but I can't make myself care. And Harry's always been weirded out by her, so it's not like these revelations are any great loss. *shrug* And her scenes are written from her point of view, suggesting that we're supposed to want her to succeed in some way, but I really would rather have a character that I like doing the secret-agent thing.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2008
  15. LT2000

    LT2000 Alchemist

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
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    2,452
    She's attracted to Snivellus, so obviously there's something wrong with her...
     
  16. della_couer

    della_couer Second Year

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2008
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    66
    Location:
    Michigan
    Larousse sort of strikes me as an interesting character if only for her obsessive hunger for normalcy and safety in the world Voldemort has created. She has the capacity for great violence and she strikes me as the sort that can and could kill with no moral quandary involved. Yet her goal in life is to get married and have children? It's an interesting juxtaposition that seems at home in the Alternate world the writer has created.

    Her first home was essentially destroyed by the 'good' side of the previous war and so she's trying to settle into a place of security. Although somehow I doubt having Harry Potter and Voldemort involved in her life will accomplish that. Thats perhaps one little flaw in her logic. Voldemort is a user, and he's been using Snape for years. I'm betting that there are safer marital prospects. As for Harry--talk about a walking hurricane. But, I think she feels that by distancing herself from the old ministry she will be given the sense of security she lost. How better to do that then marrying one of the Dark Lord's trusted underlings.

    Having a character that is so desperate for something and who has such cold hearted inclinations...it makes her an interesting catalyst. Her hope of adopting Harry throws and additional plot complication. From a plot perspective she's in a great role to mess things up and surprise the readers.

    Also there is the fact that she's a little insane, her limitations are not quite grounded in reality. Her quest for home, family, something perhaps quite common is taken to an extreme level and I'm curious how this might play in the world created.

    As I say, she's interesting and plays to the world the writer has created. I'd be curious where this character goes.
     
  17. Fimbulvintr

    Fimbulvintr Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
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    222
    Location:
    Your closet
    New Chapter is up, we're now at chapter 62, quite an accomplishment.

    This chapter has me speechless, it was amazing, and so completely unexpected. It came out of nowhere and hit like a herd of rampaging snorkacks, and yet it flowed so flawlessly. I am utterly amazed at the quality of writing found in this story and especially this chapter. The emotions and complex characterizations found in the last parts of the chapter are just......wow. The author has just reminded us, in an unforgettable chapter, that hopes and dreams are fragile, and nothing and no one is off limits. To humanize a character so much, and then so abruptly and unexpectly......, incredible.

    I look forward to reading about how the repercussions of this chapter will change the characters.

    The action sequences, although relatively short, were well done. It reminded me of the Fellowship of the Ring movie, in Moria.

    5/5 just for the quality of this chapter alone.

    Finally, on a more serious note: Harry/Constantina/Lenora or Harry/Victoria FTW
     
  18. TehLicha

    TehLicha First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Location:
    US
    I'm going to have to agree, the building up of a (rather) important character, the excellent characterization and relationship between other key characters, and then killing her off... the author never fails to surprise me with the excellent and original ideas that (she?) churns out. As if this story wasn't epic enough already...

    Bravo.
     
  19. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,948
    Bravo! Thank you for that, really.

    Voldemort smirked. He hoped the castle got as much enjoyment out of it as he did. It had certainly relieved the worst of his bad mood.

    Then the body of Severus' fiancée nearly landing on top of him sort of ruined it all over again.

    The black, casual humor is epic. The scene was remarkably visual, I conjured the images very vividly and with ease. Perfect chapter, and the author picked the best possible candidate for a character death.

    I reason there's enough good characterization to spare, so Mizuni-sama can afford to kill off a character or two.
     
  20. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
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    Location:
    Alabama
    The update was definitely fun to read. I wonder if the author had that particular character death planned, or if he's been reading the opinions of DLP members and decided to please us?

    Either way, Andro hit the nail on the head. If it weren't for the black humor, the death probably would have seemed like an empty side effect of Moody's plans. And yes, this was the perfect character to kill. Nicely done.