Title: Prisoner of Hogwarts
Author: Captain Planet Apprentice
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Humor
DLP Category: As for now Humor/Parody
Pairing: None
Status: WIP
Summary: Harry Potter does not want to to go to Hogwarts, it's a stuffy place with people that just don't seem to use common sense, but it's his only option now as his guardian works for a manipulative old man. Thankfully there are perks to the position.
Link: Link

I found this while browsing the Just In section of ff.net and the title intrigued me. The writing is good,fluid there aren't any gaping grammar mistakes. Harry is kinda sarcastic and apathetic while it is suggested he is a caring person who stands up to bullys. I know it's only one chapter(18k words is something) but I kinda like it, not epic but the future is unclear...

 

Half way in and it looks promising so far. This could definitely turn into something good. Oddly enough it kinda reminds me of this plot bunny by Lindsey. I'll write a more detailed review once I'm done. Right now my only problem is that the chapter should've been carved up into smaller pieces.

 

Read the first little bit, and this shit is pretty fucking ridiculous already. Convicting a malnourished seven year old of causing an unexplained massive explosion in a house with two drugged up parents is something so retarded I'm not even sure the wizarding world would do it, forget about the UK. I'm going to try to finish the chapter but my hopes aren't high.

EDIT: I failed.

 

Its terrible. First of all in modern society a 7 year old abused boy is not going to be sentenced to juvie until he's 18, to be transferred to prison once he turns 18. You cannot sentence a juvenile to life in prison. That alone is enough to sink this fic. Then the depiction of juvenile detention is just preposterous. The children not separated by gender (Harry has girlfriends and sex all the time) nor by age (Harry prevents an 17 year old boy from raping a 10 year old girl.)

The characterization of Harry is terrible. He's apparently noble and self-sacrificing despite spending over half of his life in what appears to be a dog eat dog prison. He calls the warden "Paul" and is so mature and intelligent that he can tell anyone exactly how they're performing their duties incorrectly and the proper way to do them. He's a chick magnet, sarcastic, bitter, yet respected, adored by younger children, and almost always right. It's like the author went down the anti-social anti-hero checklist.

And of course, the story has the same issue Lindsey's plot bunny had, the unlikelihood that Dumbledore will leave Harry in Muggle hands away from Hogwarts. In this scenario, it's even less likely since Harry is in fucking jail. The Dursley's are potentially believable because of the blood wards. Leaving him in jail is not. And Dumbledore clearly knows that not only is Harry there and that his house blew up, but that he's also innocent. Mrs. Figg knew all of this and the story heavily implies she told Dumbledore.

The only possible conceivable way to explain this is that the author plans to use the "uber-evil, manipulative, teh Greatet goodz cackling Dumbledore. And indeed, the end of the chapter gives the impression that the fic is going this way. Joy.

It's just another shitty "hard-ass Harry from the streets" who is forced into Hogwarts at an older age by a manipulative Dumbledore. story. It's old, derivative, unimaginative Indy-Harry. It has so far shown absolutely no redeeming factors in the 18K words posted.

1/5

 

Ugh, basically what Tenages said.
No serious system of justice would convict anybody on that evidence, let alone a 7-year old. And no 7-year old gets sent to Juvie.. rehab, maybe.
Also the writing is meh at best.

I suppose this could turn into crack or parody, but as it is it's not cutting it.

 

Not badly written, per se, but I was actually shouting out loud at the monitor briefly. It's been a long day.

Arresting a 7 year old on terror charges? Convicting a 7 year old on terror charges? Dumbledore being cool with this? Jesus... I got to the start of the juvy bit and had to stop. For my health.

It'll never even be finished. It'll never even approach a finish. Do not want.

2/5

 

The plot device fails. Do not want.

Also, people need to stop put up fics for review while they still lack plot. This link comes to mind.

Basically:

 

Terrible. 'nuff said.

 

If we're talking realism here, you can't be convicted of anything at all in the UK until you're 10. Under 10s are not considered to be criminally responsible for their actions full stop.

 

Basically what Tenages said. Beyond that, the author must've never heard "show, don't tell", because we get the narrator explain everything for us.

1/5. And I actually hoped for a passable read.

 

There is fail and there is FAIL.

This was FAIL.

1/5 - the plot device completely ruins this for me.

 

Think this one has been recommended before. It's the one that's essentially Oz until like halfway through?

I recall stopping reading after the third rape.

 

OP: Don't rec bullshit, please. How you got through the first couple of paragraphs without hitting the little red 'X' is mind-boggling.

1/5

 

Ugh, this is terrible. Won't say anything that's already been said, but how the fuck does he figure out that "true appearance" shtick? MAGIC? Please :facepalm

1/5

 

QFT

I didn't even make that far. I stopped after the house blowing up. Seriously can't someone describe an explosion after seeing an action movie or two?

Basically what everyone else has said. But my rating is FAIL/5

 

In terms of realism this one fails completely. 1/5

 

According to English law, you can't actually even charge a seven year old with any crimes.

 

I stopped as soon as a seven year old had to stand trial. Seriously? The only way that would be believable is if he was black, retarded, and lived in the American South.