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Complete Proof by Novensides - T

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by Rahkesh Asmodaeus, May 31, 2019.

  1. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    5,093
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Title: Proof
    Author: novensides
    Rating: T
    Genre: Gen
    Status: Complete
    Category: General Fics
    Pairings: None
    Summary:

    "Proofing, also sometimes called final fermentation, is the specific term for allowing dough to rise after it has been shaped and before it is baked."

    Less than a year has passed since the final battle, and the Ministry is already up to its old tricks. Harry would very much like them to stop ignoring due process, tossing people in Azkaban, controlling the press, and menacing the populace with dementors.

    He would also like, if at all possible, to bake a passable loaf of bread.

    Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15687453/chapters/36450108

    Small (~30k words), complete post-war fic, starts about 5 months after the Final Battle. Harry is somewhat of a recluse at 12 Grimmauld, kinda just bored with life as he didn't go back to Hogwarts for the final year, and takes to baking as a hobby.

    The plot is decent, about him taking his seat on the Wizengamot and trying to change things from within. Where this story really shines, however, is the writing. It's fantastic. It's humorous, draws you in, and deftly captures every character's personality. Nothing feels forced, everything flows at a nice pace, and the author doesn't drag things out. It's a nice, light and airy fic to read. A breath of fresh air after how stagnated the HP fandom has become of late.

    5/5 for me.
     
  2. harryphoenix

    harryphoenix Squib

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2009
    Messages:
    16
    Location:
    Florida
    Honestly one of the most delightful stories I’ve read from the Potter fandom in a long time. It captures the somewhat whimsical nature of the books almost perfectly, while expanding on the universe and keeping the characters true to themselves. The author has a talent for language and mimicking JKR’s style that is truly wonderful. A nice little slice of life that I desperately needed. 5/5
     
  3. Damy

    Damy First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2014
    Messages:
    23
    Location:
    The cold north
    I enjoyed reading this. Good grammar, or at least I didn't notice anything that would break immersion while skimming. Characterization was on point - maybe canonesque, at least pretty close. A bit too much tell instead of show, but some of the character interactions are really good.

    The premise is is interesting, as I don't think we have a relaxed but serious topic political drama fic - of course this fic isn't that, but that's what it promised.

    The problem for me is that there is very little conflict, or indeed very little of anything happening. Part of this is the canon-like characters, that is to say the Hermione problem. Need the press to play nice? Hermione. Need to draft a bill? Hermione. Who gets a place on the super exclusive (which is part of the setup) hereditary council? Hermione. Admittedly, by that point like half the council has gifted their seats to Harry, so it doesn't actually make a difference, but still.

    Basically this story is: Decent setup, actually quite interesting, good interactions. And then everything worked out just fine.
     
  4. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2009
    Messages:
    3,602
    Location:
    Australia.
    Solid story, filled with enjoyable turns of phrase. It could have done with another twenty five thousand words to flesh things out a bit, show more of the main plot, and add some conflict, but honestly the way the 'conflict' played out is the way things should/would have gone in canon anyway with the state of the Wizard World after the war. 4/5 from me.
     
  5. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2012
    Messages:
    70
    Location:
    Australia
    This was a fun one. Solid writing, and I enjoy a Harry who’s clearly trying his very best to just keep to himself, like a happier Sum of Their Parts. The ending was a bit sudden, but the author said they didn’t know how to continue it, and I can appreciate someone knowing when to just stop. 4/5
     
  6. James

    James High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    505
    Solid slice of life, if a bit short. Especially when it hit one of my pet peeves (namely unresolved feelings of dissatisfaction) with post war Harry.

    Had quite a solid grasp on little tidbits of magic in the everyday objects, one of the better aspects of Harry Potter. 3/5 from me.
     
  7. Drachna

    Drachna First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    26
    Location:
    Ireland
    High Score:
    0
    I really liked it. Though it isn't a oneshot Ao3 has a handy feature that lets you view the whole fic at once so it feel like one, which I would recommend you do. It's funny and light hearted while still maintaining just enough gravity to keep you invested in the outcome, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

    5/5
     
  8. InfernoPlato

    InfernoPlato Squib

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2013
    Messages:
    11
    Location:
    Currently in the United Kingdom
    4/5

    I found this a fun read and I was left wanting for more.

    Interesting premise, engaging writing (although I did skip past the cooking bits which bored me), and competent writing. Where it falls flat in my view is that one: the plot moves at too fast of a pace for me to truly enjoy it and two: if you step back away from the fast moving plot, you see some of the flaws in the world building and it starts to lose its luster. In particular for me, the politics of the world just didn't make sense. Not from a world building perspective mind you, but in how the characters responded to what Harry was doing. It was wasn't realistic, people would not sit by and be that incompetent.
     
  9. PWIZDUO

    PWIZDUO Third Year

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Messages:
    82
    What a pleasure to read. Short, sweet, funny and very well written.

    4.5 rounded up to 5 with the half point coming because there could have been a tad more conflict.

    Deserves to be in the library for sure.
     
  10. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    6,483
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Yeah this is great. Does exactly what it sets out to do and I'd happily rate it at 4.5/5 but I'm rounding down. There's just not quite enough meat to it for the length but damn - well done.
     
  11. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,610
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    13,152
    My problem with this fic -- and with all such fics, no matter how well written -- is summarised in Chapter 1:

    Fundamentally, I cannot suspend my disbelief that the Order and their allies, who have just won a civil war against the pure-blood establishment via force of arms, would be willing to just sit back and let the law get in the way of "cleaning house". I recall having such a discussion with Sesc regarding Unatoned, and the same applies here.

    While I am interested in a political Harry without all the manipulative Dumbledore baggage, which pays attention to the real wheeling and dealing of politics rather than giving everything to Harry on a plate... the period immediately after DH seems the least appropriate time for it in the entire series. Civil war is what happens when institutions stop working and people take the law into their own hands. The natural and inevitable conclusion of such a conflict is that social institutions are remade in the image of the victor. Portraying Harry and Kingsley as the underdogs when they have just achieved military victory just doesn't wash for me, and I don't think it ever will. It would be like the Allies of WWII failing to convict anyone at the Nuremberg trials because of argument that the Nazis' actions were legal under German law at the time.

    Otherwise -- the story is well written, though I don't think it's quite as well written as those above have said. There's been more than one point where I've had to re-read lines because they haven't parsed properly. Just one example:

    When you first read the "that's not the point" line, you read it with Hermione's voice - she had been the one who had last spoken before Ron, and you can see that her name comes next after the dialogue, which you associate with a "Hermione said".

    While it's true that the author was aiming for us to be surprised that it was Harry saying it, rather than Hermione, they've rather overachieved their aim, because it literally reads as if Hermione said it, and then you have go back, re-read, and correct your understanding of the scene.

    Overall I'd give this a 4.5/5, rounded down to 4 because the title is not capitalised properly.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2019 at 11:07 AM