Hey, I read the first 12 (EDIT: 25) chapters and am giving my preliminary comments here:

The Good
- I want to keep reading further to see how this divergence in canon plays out (at least for a few more chapters).
- I like the idea of a seer being able to do more than just spout out a prophecy (and the idea that Divination is Albus's weak spot so it makes sense to get a second opinion).
- The idea of using Muggle weapons against Voldemort and the magical defenses of Lionfire Hall were actually pretty cool.
- The training sessions sound amazing and I loved the paintball game.

The Bad
- It's a little cheesy (particularly Sirius and Amelia Bones and the fact that Amelia is red-head, how about some blondes in there?).
- The language is stilted at times and there are typos in nearly every early chapter.
- The Australian seer basically summarizes each book for them and it's a huge deus ex machine (and suspension of disbelief was broken by the mention of Hermione Granger by name). The author could have used more finesse with this plot point.

However, since I'm following the story I think the writer has some interesting elements at play.

EDIT: The story has picked up and held my interest so thumbs up (it may or may not make it on the review board esp. because of the early chapters but it's a fun story so far).

 

Double-agent/traitor/undercover spies.

There is always going to be risk involved with going undercover, and there will always be hard decisions involved. Snape in book 6/7 illustrates this.

But fan stories wreck this. They have people executing Snape for not passing on information earlier, or for joining in with the DE activities.

Admittedly, he didn't join because he wanted to pass information, he joined because he actually believed Voldemort was right. But he did turn traitor towards the end.

Is there a line? Is there some point at which the character has to refuse to continue the charade, even if they haven't managed to pass on any relevant information yet?

And how far does this line move when the stakes are different?

I read a long MLP piece where Twilight joins up with NMM (I think. It's been a while since I read it).

Spoiler

Twilight is tortured, and starved, and beaten; she wants to plant herself as a undercover spy, but knows that her position as Celestia's student means her instant betrayal of that is unlikely. Once she's undergone the torture, she eventually becomes NMM's Vader, rising further and further until she reaches second in command status.

She has to commit all sorts of atrocities to get there.

However, she is helping to depose an evil demon god-empress, and restore the good angel one. Which will help the world for ever and ever, even if it means she has to kill thousands now.

And because of her position, only Twilight knows the secrets that will be of any use, so she will get a single chance to reveal them.

The other characters seemed to feel this was unacceptable, and she was not viewed kindly by them. In fact, she ends up going to hell in the canon ending.

TL;DR - at what point does a double agent give up?

 

I'd think that'd be a personal limit.

For instance, if you dumped two agents into identical situations, they might decide it's too far at far different points.

One might decide that killing an innocent is too great a cost to maintain the masquerade, while another might think that being forced to harm someone they love is too far.

Honestly, I think a good story would make it a part of characterization, the limits would make sense based on the character as they've been established.

 

Any Villain Protagonist fics where the main character isn't stupidly obvious about their agenda?

 

On FF it seems like the majority of slash writers on certain forums are girls. Is there a psychological reason why fangirls are obsessed with slash?

 

Is there a reason men like lesbians?

 

Yeah, nope.

There are not that many stories written by guys with a lesbian pairing.

 

Fixed that for you.

 

There, fixed that for the both of you.

 

Actually, the prevalence of slash in the HP fandom is pretty easy to explain. Harry Potter is the main character, and writers (and readers) tend to identify with the main character. So rather than taking the more obscure gender-bender route, teenage girls will simply make Harry gay in order to put him (themselves) in a relationship with their male of choice.

You probably don't see nearly as much slash in fandoms where the main character is a girl (see Twilight, Hunger Games, etc).

 

EDIT:

QUESTION: Is it possible to do the strike-through effect on here?

 

At the risk of speaking for a community to which I can make no claim to represent, I might venture that slash fiction can provide a personal yet communal safe space for (in particular, young?) women who exist in a culture where frank expressions of female sexuality are often highly stigmatized to explore issues of sexuality and desire.

Which would mean, of course, that it's especially dickish to use marginalizing language to refer to it or its authors.

Anyway, there is a fair chunk of academic and non-academic discussion on the subject that is all rather interesting. Definitely worth checking out if you have access to online journals and/or basic google-fu.

 

EDIT:

Yeah, I was kind of being a dick.

 

Hey, just trying my hand at writing a bit but I'm having a bit of a tough time. I'm not sure how to write my character thinking to himself.

Should I use italics? Quotes? I know what I want him to say but I can't get it to look right. Any ideas?

 

Inverted commas around italics usually works. After than, just frame it within the text like you would normal speech, although obviously you won't have people responding to it. Unless they're mind readers, of course, but whatever.

 

Branching off of that thinking to themselves; is it possible to write an introspective protagonist in third person or does it just look clunky having a plethora of italicised paragraphs.

 

I usually put it in italics and I find that if the introspection is not a lot, or doesn't go off on a tangent away from what is presently happening, then it's not distracting.

If it's a larger piece, it reads better when not inserted in the middle of dialogue, action, etc. It can be separated into a scene by itself.

 

It reads fine so long as you don't have characters thinking in full paragraphs. Just interject with some exposition every two or three sentences.

Like so:
______
The hulking bully slouched away from her, laughing under his breath.

Defeated, Alice fell to her knees.

What a massive tool. If only someone were brave enough to put him in his place....

She smiled, picturing herself castrating the boy with farm shears.

Take that, you cum-guzzling sheep-fucker!
_______

 

I prefer reading italics myself. If in doubt, have a couple people read over it and tell you if they're confused as to what's going on - it's always a shame when a climactic scene is destroyed by having to scroll up and reread due to shitty formatting.

As for girls and slash, I dislike erotica in general so I might be a little off base here, but my theory is that it often stems from insecurity. Teenage girls that are smart enough to realize no one wants to read a shitty self-insert sue, but too insecure to pair their beloved male character(s) with an attractive female character, cause they don't want them bitches anywhere near their man. So to circumvent this they turn him gay. Now they can write porn to their heart's content without blatant self-insert or the crushing sense of inadequacy involved when comparing themselves unfavorably to a female character.

Not sure if I expressed that in a way that makes sense. I guess it's the female version of a guy that refuses to watch porn with a penis in it because he can't get off while he's too busy feeling inadequate over the size of Ron Jeremy's wang (do guys like that exist? Goddamnit, never mind, I'm terrible with analogies.)