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Oneshot Ravenous by enembee - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by enembee, Jan 2, 2010.

  1. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title: Ravenous
    Author: enembee
    Rating: M
    Genre: Dark/Horror
    DLP Category: Dark Arts
    Pairing: None
    Published January 02, 2010
    Updated January 02, 2010
    Words: 3,343

    Status: Oneshot
    Summary: Dark. Oneshot. Bested by a basilisk and the teenage Dark Lord, Harry makes one last desperate attempt to keep his life and inadvertently releases a hunger that consumes the world.
    Link:PatronusCharm.net

    God it's been ages since I posted anything here. Anyway, not normally the sort of thing I'd write and I was originally going to leave it after the scene in the CoS, but somewhere it merged with the Master and then the Zerg, then I got a bit carried away.

    Anyway, enjoy.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 25, 2012
    The story was deleted on / by ff.net
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2012
  2. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    left a more detailed review at PC, but this story was definitely worth my time.

    4/5
     
  3. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, as KrzaQ pointed out the mechanics make no sense. It was more for the lulz than anything else.
     
  4. MattSilver

    MattSilver The Traveller

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    Mechanics are nothing compared to a good lulz-fest. So yeah, I thought the idea posted in Foxy Foxy's challenge were a little on the retarded side, but looking at it with humour was probably the way to do it. Highlight here was either Harry eating Ginny or Riddle and Hagrid being the last alive against the entire Bolivian Army. Heh, good job.

    No rating, but high on the funny factor and no overtly noticeable cock-ups in the spelling and grammar areas.
     
  5. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    I liked this a lot, and got a lot of enjoyment out of it.

    4/5
     
  6. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    I liked it. Funny and enjoyable at that same time. 4/5
     
  7. carvell

    carvell Professor DLP Supporter

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    For some reason i was thinking about the Master from the last Dr Who when i read this, Excellent one-shot it is something i would read again.
     
  8. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Compared to your other works, nmb, this is... frankly, a piece of shit. Mechanics of pretty much everything make no sense, and besides passable grammar and spelling I honestly can't say a good word about this fic. 2/5
     
  9. Banta

    Banta The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    There is nothing to this but an idea which you didn't bother to properly explain. It's a neat idea, but the execution of it was shit.
     
  10. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

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    I liked it. He took a stupid idea and ran with it. I don't really know how combining "wizard" with "basilisk" can make something that can replicate itself, but Plague!Harry isn't something I've seen before, so yippie.
     
  11. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    That was creepy as shit. 3/5*



    *Failshit idea + Legit author/execution = (-400/5) + (403/5)
     
  12. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    WTF. It's a terrible idea, and the execution was the only thing that saved it. That was the whole point.

    That said, to quote Sephiroth:

    What I want, Cloud, is to sail the cosmos with this planet as my vessel... then one day we'll find a new planet and on its soil we'll create a shining future.

    = awesome idea.

    Overall, as a crack-fic oneshot, this works well.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2010
  13. ZombieHunter

    ZombieHunter Fifth Year

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    The team up against snape made me think of the raptors from jurassic park.
     
  14. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    ^haha, yeah, and when Snape says "Clever boy!"

    enembee, this is about as good as that premise could possibly have been. 4/5 :D
     
  15. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    Stylistically and dramatically perfect. The ending with Hagrid and Voldemort reconciled was oddly fitting, a little more detail and it would have been genuinely moving.

    4/5. Textbook example of a well-executed oneshot.
     
  16. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Here I would say something about people over-thinking crackfics. But each to their own I suppose.

    Cheers for the reviews guys <3

    FTR, Taure.

    What I want is to sail the cosmos with this planet as my vessel... then one day we'll find a new planet and eat everything.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2010
  17. Inverarity

    Inverarity Groundskeeper

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    The first part was nicely dark and twisted, but I'm afraid the ending didn't work for me. As others have pointed out, the jump from Basilisk!Harry to overrunning the Earth with millions of minions just didn't make sense.

    I think Snape was a bit too much of a caricature, and the gratuitous Jurassic Park reference threw me out of the story a bit. I also don't buy that the effect of basilisk venom to the eyes would wear off after a few seconds.

    I did like the ending: "Sorry about getting you expelled" was worth a LOL.

    4/5 for a reasonably entertaining crackfic, but -1 for all the run-on sentences and other grammatical errors (and the annoying repeated misuse of "wretched" for "retched").
     
  18. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    While it was nothing special, you definitely pulled off the idea better than anything I expected.

    Little more to add other than, 4/5.
     
  19. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Can you say Zergrush? Hmm, Harry vs. the Zerg, who would win? Or hell, Harry vs. the Tyranids.
     
  20. Dethklok

    Dethklok Order Member

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    It was good for what it was, and it had a nice Marvel Zombies vibe to it which I liked.

    4.2/5