"And this," the Healer continued, "is the Boy-Who-Lived".

The small Ministry group pressed their faces against the glass, eager to get their first look at the child who had survived the Killing Curse. It was not pretty.

The small room he occupied was filthy. In one corner lay a pile of his own excrement. On the walls, written in pencil, crayon and the boy's own shit were the words Vernon Vernon Vernon, over and over. On a small bed in the centre of the room lay its occupant.

He was curled into the foetal position, naked save for a few shreds of clothing on his bare body. It looked like he had not bathed in months. But the most horrifying thing of all were his eyes. Wide, bloodshot, and unblinking.

After a minute or so Harry noticed the intruders into his world. His only response was to mutter these same words, over and over:

"No, please don't, I'll be a good freak, no, please don't, I'll be a good freak, no, please don't..."

It wouldn't fit with DLP as it wouldn't be Harry-centric. Unless you wrote it from Voldemort's POV as he destroyed the Ministry one step at a time.

"Baby Dursley dick?" More likely Dudley's gang is full of poofs that gang-rape him after school. But dear God, I'd never write it. I don't have a death wish.

 

I usually skim the setup, just looking for any glaring differences. A decent setup will clearly establish Changes in backstory, and gloss over canon repetition. What I find equally irritating is when the author insists on recapping the last paragraph of the previous chapter Every Damn update.

 

The worst sort of recaps are where the author recaps their own story, every chapter.

The author writes a piddling little 1000 word (or less) chapter, then feels the need to put the last three paragraphs at the top of their next chapter to remind you what happened. And since that chapter is also a puny little 1000 words or less, the recap makes up about a third of the chapter's word-count.

Hey, douchebag! This is fan fiction! This is the internet!

It's not pre-VCR television, where even though you couldn't save last week's episode, there was a helpful recap to help you remember what happened.

It's not a comic book where either they have to recap because you may not have bought the previous issue, or the plot point they're referencing is so old and/or convoluted that they feel they should refresh your memory.

If I want to know what happened in the previous chapter of a piece of fan fiction, I can click a button and see that chapter. I don't need you padding your chapter length and word count with bullshit!

Even if you haven't updated your story in months and the readers may need to refresh their memory, they can simply go to the previous chapter and read it, you don't need to recap.

The fact is, most people that write such recaps have stories that read like the literary equivalent of an upended colostomy bag anyway.