Title: Revelin
Author: Elizabeth England
Rating: T
DLP Category: Dark Arts
Pairing: n/a
Status: WIP (43,000 words and 11 chapters make it potentially safe to put up for review)
Summary: In a world where he was never defeated by Harry Potter, Voldemort raises his grandson.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7260301/1/Revelin

Interesting fic centred upon Voldemort. Don't be off put by the summary and the connected thought of a potentially paternal dark lord. Voldemort is unabashedly evil. This is no tempered fluffy dark lord but one who is securing his potential heir.

The start is slightly slow dealing with earlier years of a childs (though progidous) development. The last few chapters were were definitely filled with win!

Anything more would spoil the story!


A very solid 4/5




- I apologise for any mistakes made in posting this fiction for review. In fact this is my first post! I no doubt will be making liberal use of the edit button.

 

First of all, I want to say that I am delighted to see a fic posted in For Review thread. You made no mistake so far in formatting, though I could very possibly be wrong.

A fic with Tom Riddle aka Voldemort as the central character tends to win my heart easily. But for this fic... honestly, I almost can't stand the first chapter when the author started mentioning America, New York, and that Voldemort (of all people) have a daughter. I also noticed some grammar errors, strange narration and POV, and several weird things - like name Revelin Ellwood and it's origins. Seriously? so much potential for Mary Sue-ishness, even more for a 'daughter of the Dark Lord'.

I've reached third chapter, and so far what I read is still "Meh". Almost nothing at all there except usual cliches and usual facepalm-stuffs - which the author seems struggling so hard to avoid them, but still hit them nonetheless. I'll leave proper review after I finished reading this, but for now, I rate this 2/5. Well, 2.5/5 for being slightly interesting.


Ah, and welcome to DLP. Harden your balls, dude. Cheers!

 

Haha! Good advice if I've ever heard any.

I've been lurking around this site for quite sometime, and indeed did attempt a kangaroo type ball defence before posting being aware of what sort of comments it could generate. :awesome

You are obviously an awfully quick reader. I ask you to try read a little bit further as I am aware of the slow start and general Mary-suepossibilities that foreshadowed the rest of the fic. I found myself pleasantly surprised.

Though asking another reviewer to try soldier through something they found distasteful is more than most likely the opposite of how this forum is meant to operate.

Thank you for the welcome regardless!

 

Already in Almost Recommendable.

 

A very interesting story. Hope to read more of it.

 

Well, it's definitely something I've not read before. That is something. Update rate is pretty damn decent as well. As to a Mary-Sue. No, no, and definitely no, there is no Mary-Sue. I think Voldemort is written reassembly well, though liberties were taken with his personality to accommodate him for having a child.

And that is also where several cliches come roaring in. However, watching an innocent become bent to believe what Voldemort believes is oddly fascinating. The way he comes to fear Dumbledore is stretched a little, but interesting. The pacing is slow, so don't expect the child to be going to Hogwarts and having usual interaction with Harry and company.

That is why I like it. It's not a typical story at all, almost refreshing honestly. It's also written pretty damn well, save for the author's annoying habit to tell us too much what the characters are feeling. Luckily, they are also good at showing the reader also, so it's digestible.

Here's the kicker in recent chapters, though.

Spoiler

When Voldemort is killing his own Death Eaters, the situation was interesting and done fairly believably, he becomes even more powerful because he is essentially using his magic out of love of his grandchild. And watching Voldemort kick ass like that was, I have to say, pretty damn cool.

I've rarely seen it done in fanfiction like that.

The latest awesome scene, though with foibles, was something most authors can't pull off. Hell even a rare few published authors could. A conversation from two perspectives.

Opening in Lord Voldemort's, him talking to Ddore and trying to manipulate him, and closing with Ddore's as he bought Tom's charms. Reminding how as a student Voldemort could have easily hoodwinked his teachers.

Though, to clarify, Tom was in disguise during the conversation.

Seeing that charm, though strained a few times, in use was brilliant. Very rare in fanfiction. Though its a little glaring when he so often is more canon like with his Death Eaters. I also don't think this is a case of Voldemort becoming a good-guy, turned to the light by the love of his child. Thankfully.

I want to say this is a guilty-pleasure and give it a 3, but I think it's definitely better than that.

So all-in-all, I think this deserves a spot in the library. 4/5. To be honest, I almost want to give it a 5/5, but there are several factors keeping from doing that. The cliches above, the foibles in the writing, etc.

Still, would recommend it to anyone looking for something different.

 

This is probably Alternates or General, not Dark Arts.

I like this fic a lot. It gets better as it goes on, so if you only got to chapter 3 keep reading

 

/me hit x after the first 400 words.

I'm sorry, but... what?

Voldemort... I could see him Avada Kedavra'ing whoever the fuck was pregnant by him.

Why would he raise a heir when his whole schtick is "Immortality"?

I'm so confused.

Someone convince me that this isn't a pointless fantasy-jerkoff into a text editor and I might give it several more chapters. It's clocked 4 stars atm, but the first bit was inconceivably ridiculous.

 

It's actually good, give it a go for 4 chapters at least.

 

Anyone else saying "Give it a go", and "It's actually good" would have earned my contempt.

Oh, the things I do for people I respect. :X

/me goes to read.

Edit: You best get a-writin' Thunderstorm, brah.

 

As I said in Almost Reccomendable I just don't buy the basic premise. Voldemort as a caring grandfather I can't buy. Especially when it's established he didn't give a fuck about his daughter, who was also a very bright child. Why should he care about his grandson instead?

I get what the author was going for with the father abandoning the kid and his mother dying. The similarity and the symbolism is supposed to be enough to make Voldemort care. For me, though, that doesn't ring true. If anything I think it should make Voldemort distance himself from the kid as much as possible. He's spent his entire life running from his background and his weak, broken family. I don't buy that he'd basically adopt and raise someone who is a living, breathing reminder of that beginning.

Raising the child makes zero sense considering Voldemort's quest for immortality, his belief of himself as superior to all, and his attempt to erase entirely his past and separate himself from any real family. I can't give a high rating to a story whose basic premise is think is stupid.

2.5/5

 

I loved it. I loved the hell out of it, and then I read it again because it was filled with awesomeness. Like when the author, bless her soul, forced Voldemort to wait in line.

I haven't been this entertained by a set of characters in some time, simple-minded though that may seem. Voldemort is transformed by the child - as one would expect. And the child makes for an interesting layer of unexpected plot device.

I'm jealous. Stories like this make me wish Voldemort was my Grandfather.

 

Lord Voldemort does not wait.

And if you were really his granddaughter, he would kill you for believing so.

 

And if you had really read it, you would have sprayed your coffee all over your monitor in laugher like I did, and enjoyed the hell out of the way he had to step out of line and all the people he murdered right after.

 

You know... the way you phrased it... never mind.

 

I stuck it out and read it through. I probably won't be going back for updates, just not really feeling it. 2/5

 

I noticed straight away at work whilst mending shoes that this violates potter law! Theres no harry potter in the story at all, ergo not a harry potter fanfiction. Therefore not really relevant to dark lord potter.

I was preparing to just exit it right away as the story started talking about Voldemorts daughter at the start. (totally not interested in some 12 year old girl writing a story about being adopted by voldemort who is secretly really nice, handsome and caring)

I dont want nice voldemort, or parent voldemort or even sensitive voldemort.

Luckily I was very bored and when everything was done i skimmed it a bit more, the voldemort doesnt become all feminine or sensitive hes rather methodical in his ways of doing things. I also decided the story was decent enough that I should hold judgement on the author whoever she is.

I found the circular comparisons very agreeable in regards to Voldemorts mother and family. It is looking like it will be a decent read, one that i will follow....even if its not a harry potter fanfiction and more of a Voldemorts heir fanfiction.

I didnt like it when Snape said that there were "thousands" of wizards and witches summoned by Voldemort on one night in ENGLAND.

Just how big is the magical population?

I was under the impression it was very, very small. If Voldemort had thousands of magical supreme being soldiers wouldnt he have pushed aside the few dozen aurors at the Ministry already?

Thats just his HUMAN followers. If Voldemort had thousands of wand wielding humans I think he would not be fighting a guerilla war.

Maybe thats just me but I never thought there were "thousands" of death eaters, on a related note i was pretty suprised at the movies to be honest in the scene of hogwarts battle where there were so many of the baddies. Where the hell where they all in fourth year? Voldemort had like what? five guys?

The Ministry is also pretty small to hold all the government departments for a population so HUGE. If voldemort has thousands of soldiers and is the underdog then i suppose theres what, forty thousand aurors?

and maybe a thousand people in the order of the phoenix?

i take it that means azkaban is guarded by at least several hundred aurors and maybe fifty thousand dementors.

Its needed to protect magical england from the fifteen million dragons that live in wales, trying to live in harmony with the fourteen billion house elves living there as well.

Sorry that just bugs me, magic is about this small group, a hidden culture of maginificent power. Theres not that many of them, or at least that was always my impression.

Aside from there being "THOUSANDS" of death eaters and Voldemort is still miles away from dominance in tiny England i would say the story is probably a 3/5

I wouldnt mind this being in the library if it continues, I think if harry is raised pureblood and dark this could work well...oh wait its not a harry story I forgot when writing that. Whoever this brown haired non harry is.

 

Yeah, that is one of the things the author has to force to make the fic work. That, plus other things are hard to come to come to grips with. I was able to look past it, though, since the writing was good enough. That and the setting was different enough to get to the latest chapters, which I thought were pretty unique.

 

Well, here's one way to look at it. Voldemort's all about preserving the purity of magical blood. Though his own is questionable. I've always thought it would be logical for him to -Cough- suggest to his death eaters that they try to have a few more children.

Bellatrix has none. The malfoys have one. Considering how very few purebloods there are, it'd be useful to his vision of the magical community if they had more kids. As a step in this direction, maybe Voldemort could justify having a child.

Mostly I saw his as an asexual person, but I suppose there's gotta be some magical version of viagra.

 

Its kind of interesting, but Revelin is not realistic at all for a child. He's a ridiculous gary-stu.

I'm of two minds with this fic: on one hand, it has some interesting characterization of Voldemort, and the concept is pretty good.

But on the other hand, a lot of it is simply unbelievable and has parts that take me out of enjoying the story. Voldemort deciding on the name "Revelin Ellwood" is one example, as is the convoluted way he decides to punish his step-son, or the Snape's description of his uber-torture session of the DEs that did the unauthorized attack.

I'd say it's 3/5. Almost recommendable material.