I liked the History in this, being a history fanatic myself but one thing was bothering me: Why is there one city in the entire House's land? For instance there is only on city in all of Germania! One of the Largest areas in Europe, and also there were cities there before the Founders came, so were all of those just destroyed?

 

The entire story is in the process of being rewritten and the prologue has been reposted. The prologue focusses solely on the four founders, centering on Slytherin. Probably one of the best AU I've read in awhile.

 

Can't help but feel that this should be put back into For Review.

As for the repost itself;

It is, like all of the things that bylfox posts, awkward to read. He has a peculiar non-style to his writing that somehow makes everything seem incredibly bland and slightly incoherent. Likewise, it seems to stray between an omniscient third person and a subjective third person.

For example;

Again, as ever, the chapter is littered with poor punctuation, odd grammar and erratics.

It's not bad, I'll make that point. There's just nothing here from the first chapter that even slightly makes me want to carry on reading it. Nothing that leaps off the page and grabs my attention. The founders seem typical, which is to say, boring. Slytherin is sneaky, Helga is hard working and Gryffindor is a theatrical bumpkin being played by those around him.

There's not much to hate here, but not really much to like either.

I preferred it as it was.

3/5

 

great start, but i had a few questions,
how come slytherin is soo easily able to manipulate the rest of the founders.
the author makes it sound like he is the only one smart enough to come up with something,
all four of the founders are supposed to be the most powerful withces and wizards of their ages, i am sure powerful does not jus tmean raw, power, I am sure they have enough brain to use this power too.
rowena being the smartest witch does not just mean bookish smart, I am quite sure she would be able to figure out if someone is manipulating her.