You fail at sucking up.

 

So we've gone from 'dumb shitty story thank God it's abandoned' to 'poor idea with good writing'? No, I think you're just trying and failing miserably to backpedal because you realized too late that you done fucked up and shot off at the mouth about the wrong person on this site. The least I would expect is a public apology for an unwarranted and unprovoked pot shot. I don't care that you think Dakaath sucks. *I* think Dakaath sucks (and I also think that your opinion is worth about as worth as tits on a boar hog or a penis on Severus Snape). Next time show a little fucking respect. Trust me, a noob trying to act like a bonafide DLP hardass impresses nobody. Least of all me, one of the original DLP hardasses.

 

Back to the story. I for one like it and I give it 3/5. It just needs polish, just like mine.

 

yea, being in a foreign language is about the only thing that could make this fic better. :awesome

 

I quite liked the story, or well, i was looking forward to what it would become.

I always thought Goblet of fire was the best book and therefore love almost all fics that take place during it. What put me of was how Harry interacted with Daphne since i generally want to so a non-pussy!Harry in the stories i read.

3/5 from me, the story had some good parts but the Mafia and Harry really should have been a bit tougher.

 

After posting that shit H/HR you have the balls to bash a DLP Mod's story? One that kicks ass, especially when compared to that crap you recc'd? Good job, now be a good little girl and lurk more, hmmm?

As for the fic, Mafia!Harry isn't really my thing any way you look at it. I found some of the OC's irritating, The H/D interaction was over the top at points, and as a whole, this was just un-realistic. That being said, it makes for another decent time-filler. 3.5/5

And BTW: Twilight sucks large donkey cock. Period.


*Grumbles about glowey, gay vampires*

 

i've only read the first page of reviews and it bothers me how you people are so harsh about something you know nothing about.

unless you people are in the mafia or know people in the mafia, you have no right to criticize the guy cuz "they have stupid accents" or "the mafia isn't like that, they don't shoot at kids to train them". what the fuck do you know?

the author has a sense of humor as well, which i particularly liked.

Spoiler

“Don’t laugh Dudley, when you laugh your whole body jiggles and it just errghh-” Harry scrunched up his face in disgust. “I mean, it’s not exactly pleasant to see a man jiggle, just ask Polkiss, he knows.”

Spoiler

Throwing caution to the wind, not particularly caring either he was going to be rescued or die by the hands of his uncle; he did the only think he could think of.

“MOLEST! MOLEST!” He screamed at the top of his lungs while using his legs to bang against the cupboard door.

Spoiler

Gerard suddenly turned serious and asked “Harry, do you believe in magic?”

“You sick, sick bastard.” He spat. “What! Are you gonna make me touch your ‘wand’ so that ‘sparks’ fly out?” Harry scrunched his face up in disgust.


“PAEDOPHILE!” Harry screamed as he pointed to Gerard.

i like the mafia parts, but the instant one sided attraction between harry and daphne was pretty poor. they're 10 years old! sometimes, you don't need to describe her "raven hair that fell down in waves past her shoulder, the smooth alabaster skin, those magnificent blue eyes that shone with intelligence." not to mention, the sentence was not a complete sentence.

i guess that's another part to talk about: the mediocre grammar. it's a lot better than most authors, but it isn't exactly perfect.

Spoiler

An elegant dress that complimented her curvy features well. Harry gulped.

another example of incomplete sentences (the first one), and another example of how a 10 year old is admiring a much older lady's curves. he's TEN, remember? not...say 13, 15, 17, etc.

Spoiler

“Nice to meet you, I’m Harry Potter and you are ....gorgeous.” He said with the most charming smile he could muster.

another example of harry potter acting like a 17 year old more than a 10 year old.

one more thing to point out. besides the fact that harry acts like he's a kid who's already experienced puberty, there's the fact that he acts so outgoing from the very beginning. based on the background we are given by the author (and from canon in general), harry is supposed to be a lot more shy or anti-social, not this outgoing.

the very worst part is the cliched and constant use of harry's eyes. "the striking green eyes" and how they were "full of determination" and blahblahblah! i dunno about the rest of you people, but when i'm looking at people and i look into their eyes, it's never "striking", "full of determination", nor is it a "window into their soul." god damn cliches.

i dunno what everyone is complaining about when they say the dialogue sucked. i thought it would have been just fine if the dialogue was said by a much older harry (maybe when he's 13?).

im not done reading, but im just gonna post this. i feel like it's way too long.

3/5, the humor and whole mafia thing contrasts with the harry-acts-like-he's-17-despite-being-10 thing and the CONSTANT mention of harry's eyes, putting the score right in the middle.

 

The rewrite of this story, as promised by the author is up now, Made Man.

I've not read the Rise of the Vongola, so am not sure how it compares to Made Man. Other than that, the first chapter was kinda okay, nothing great but not bad either.

I'm not particularly fond of Mafia!Harry stories, the only exception being Nightfox's Cosa Nostra, which is probably abandoned.