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[WIP] Salvation in shadow by odev

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by LightLess, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. LightLess

    LightLess First Year

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    Title: Salvation in shadow
    Author: odev
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Dark Arts / General
    Pairings: not important
    Summary: In a world where twisting the very fabric of space and time is commonplace, Harry Potter is considered something extraordinary. Yet when he finally arrives at Hogwarts after being missing for seven years, no one can quite figure out what kind of person he is. Himself included. Darkish themes, no slash, no pairings, some lemons mixed in.
    Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9735652/1/Salvation-in-shadow

    I started reading some days ago and enjoyed it a lot. It's been some time since a fanfic has this strong impact on me.

    It's fast paced and full of confrontations. There's no filler and boring stuff.

    Beware, it's powerful Harry Potter.

    As english is not my native language, I'm sorry for any misspellings.
    (the fanfic is certainly not mine, but I sure hope you guys like)
     
  2. RustyRed

    RustyRed High Inquisitor

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    Oh god, this is so bad. D:
     
  3. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Alchemist

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    I made it all the way to chapter two, but couldn't make it all the way through it. At the risk of not providing a quality review, "hurrr, Harry outwitting and outspeaking Albus Dumbledore, chalk full of Dumbledore making verbal mistakes and Harry being a classic orator."

    I'm gonna skim a bit further, but I'm just gonna go ahead and drop a 2/5.

    Lol, chapter 3. Enter shithead Ron Weasley, complete with outrageously outspoken vitriol towards Slytherin, stupid temper, and adorably antagonistic relationship with Hermione after the latter refused to do all of his homework. Throw in a ridiculously charismatic, genius, and "respected immediately" Harry Potter and the trifecta of poop is complete.

    Hah, and then chapter 4. An excessively malicious Snape can be forgiven, I suppose, but then you get to the totally expected part of the chapter where badass Harry Potter goads Snape into legilimizing Harry, only to find, "his probe smashed against Potter's shield like a raindrop against a castle wall," giving Snape a seizure. Exceptionally powerful Harry combined with lazy Occlumency that involves "mind shields." Heh.

    I'm lowering my grade to 1/5
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2013
  4. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    This story has no place in the Ponyville Library. That said, it was a very pleasurable read for me.

    I spotted no glaring spelling errors, that should be a point already.

    The whole world is dumbed down so that the average protagonist seems smart. So what? At least the author keeps it consistent; Dumbledore is still fairly smart and smarter than your average student, while Ron Weasley does say "all slytherins are evil" once, but doesn't sound like a fucking broken record.

    And sure, there are some overused things borrowed from fanon, like mind shields, but honestly, this isn't such a bad idea, it's just too common and usually poorly executed. Here we have no epic mind battles, intricate mechanics; it's as simple as Snape attacks, Harry retaliates, violently. Snape might've let himself get goaded into attacking a little too easily, but I can see it happen if Harry consciously tries to do that.

    I really like how driven and ruthless Harry is in this story, going as far as employing underhanded, dirty and sometimes morally reprehensible tactics against people who aren't his enemies or are those in the broadest meaning of that word; all that to achieve his goal.

    Unfortunately the same does not go for the other characters, they're all one-dimensional replicas of fanon templates. Stupid Ron, awesome Daphne&Tracey, fangirl Ginny, slut Lavender, pathetic pureblood supremacist Draco, hateful Snape, mollycoddling Molly, allianced Neville, probably more. I think I made my point. Ah, obviously, murderous (although inadvertently) Dursleys too.

    The other thing that vexed me a little was how perfectly every plan of Harry's worked - he always got at least what he wanted, sometimes more. Kinda like in DisobedienceWriter's works. It's fun for light reading, though.

    Overall: 4.5/5 in category Light Reading/Guilty Pleasure. 3/5 for Ponyville Library. Don't expect too involved in this story, you won't love the characters, but at least you won't want to smack the protagonist in their head in a fit of rage over a retarded decision made because of morality or some other hippy shit.
     
  5. dokein

    dokein Squib

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    I disliked it. Lots of really, really dumb tropes that take me out of the story:
    - Enter Harry, who's super tall and has such a commanding presence. Did I mention he's super tall? Let me say it again in the next chapter just to be sure.
    - Girl makes eye contact with Harry, and in that one moment his entire mysterious personality--and the entire published works of mankind--and the entire history of the universe--is communicated.
    - etc.

    EDIT:

    After reading a lot of other posts, I actually went back to finish the story. I have to say: things improve a LOT. The fighting scenes are very well done and creative. There actually is a plot that develops. I'm surprised. Skim the first few chapters and you'll be in for a decent read in the later ones.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2013
  6. Zeelthor

    Zeelthor Scissor Me Timbers

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    Any fic that uses the word "Lemon" to describe a sex scene needs to be eradicated with fire.
     
  7. Punt

    Punt DA Member

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    @OP; There is a seperate thread called Almost Recommended fics to recommend this kind of crap. This isn't good enough for the library.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2013
  8. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    Voldemort Dumbledore duels is easily one of the better duels between them and the infiltration chapter was just a classic.

    And Harry collecting the horcruxes was very well explained.

    The first few chaoyers are shit. The story is the authors first and the improvment in writing is clearly visible.

    However, have to go to the Almost Recc thread for the poor start.

    P.S- Keep reading. The story improves leaps and Dumbledore is pretty kick ass. So is the Order and aurors and DEs.
     
  9. bob99

    bob99 High Inquisitor

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    I'd say it is readable. I'm following it, but the story is kind of a guilty pleasure. It is cliched, and it seems like the author can be more interested in writing individual scenes than connecting the chapters together.

    But it does improve some, and I'm kind of enjoying it. I'd say it would be better for the Almost Recommended thread. Definitely not library worthy.
     
  10. Stormey

    Stormey Groundskeeper

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    Starts off pretty bad, but towards the end I found myself looking forward to what happens next.

    Yes, there are heaps of annoying moments, but I reckon it gets better. At least its fast paced and has a quick update rate.

    3.5/5.
     
  11. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    This is a fascinating thread. After the first few posts I was ready to completely dismiss this story, but some of the other posters persuaded me to give it a chance. I'm glad they did.

    This fic is a fine example of the Indy!Harry genre. In fact, I think it might well be the finest example of said genre. Not too long ago someone made a thread asking for "definitive fics" within the HP fanfiction genres, and I would be happy to recommend this story in that thread.

    Yes, it features many of the cliches of the genre. Cliches which annoy me: idiot Ron, manipulative but somewhat incompetent Dumbledore, snarling out of control Snape, a Harry who has things very easy after experiencing some token disadvantage which leaves him ridiculously powerful compared to his peers.

    But the fic seems to recognise that, while essential parts of the genre, they're a bit shit. The author lingers on them only very briefly and never returns to them. Moreover, they exist in a very mild form.

    Manipulative Dumbledore: Dumbledore, while he does worry about Harry's political leanings, isn't stupid. He's powerful, skillful, knowledgeable, and intelligent. He expresses only reasonable concerns -- Harry is acting like Tom Riddle. He doesn't pull ridiculous shit like stealing Harry's money for no reason, getting students to spy on him, trying to kill him off, etc. Harry wins a verbal spar with him once, and that's because he caught Dumbledore by surprise by being nothing like Dumbledore anticipated.

    Idiot Ron: Ron has only really appeared once in the story. After his necessary idiot appearance he's vanished.

    Snarling Snape: just like Ron, Snape served his indy!Harry purpose of getting smacked down and hasn't been heard from again.

    Gary Stu Harry: I admit, I'm a sucker for skillful/academic Harry, and also love Harry inheriting memories fics, so this isn't really a problem for me, even if objectively the story lacks conflict.

    And on the plus side the fic is well written and formatted. The author has a few problems with repeated words/phrases but it's nothing big. The prose is highly readable.

    Another big plus is Harry's calm, rational demeanor. No rants, no raging at Dumbledore, no lashing out angrily and no ridiculously obnoxious showing off/grandstanding. While he's obviously the centre of attention, he deliberately adopts an air of slight modesty and calm, even while appearing strong. This is exactly how an indy!Harry should be.

    Normally I might call this 3/5. But as it's probably the best example right now of an important HP genre, I'm going to say it's library-worthy. 4/5. That said:

    LOL. So true.
     
  12. LightLess

    LightLess First Year

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    I agree with everything you said Taure.

    For several years now I have your ratings/opinion in high regard.

    I was never one to post because I have trouble trying to express myself in English.

    I realize, though, that I should have said more about the fanfic and given some warnings.

    I admit I have read most of the fanfics here in the library and much more that's not here. I'm sure most of you guys are in a similar situation.

    I still think it's library worth. While it does have some problems it strongly shows lots of characteristics of one of the dlp acknowledged genres and I particularly think it does that much better than several other fanfics that already are in the library.

    I might have given the wrong impression about something by using the wrong word.

    Sent from my GT-I9505G using Tapatalk
     
  13. Tutorial Boss

    Tutorial Boss Seventh Year

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    Taure, your comment has good points.

    But that is exactly why I consider this story to be non-library worthy. It's bog-standard, typical Indy-Harry. While it may be the best current fic, that might be because the genre in and of itself has evolved, branching out into new categories and taking in new ideas that diluted the core, simple show of Harry roflstomping everything.

    It's meh. And nobody can take that away from it. Firmly 3/5, 2/5 for personal opinion.
     
  14. tragicmat1

    tragicmat1 Death Eater

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    I don't know, I feel as though there's been some nice conflict with the Hocrux finding and internal battles. But, now that the search is over, I hope this story won't last for more than 3 chapters at most. I could see this being library worthy if the author wraps it up about now and finishes it without unnecessary side plots. Considering how fast the updates are, it's probably all written and completed.


    I honestly went from no way I would ever read this with the first couple of comments, to maybe I'll try it out as an almost recommended. I'd say it's 3/5 atm, but if it wraps up and finishes well, can easily go up to 4/5.
     
  15. Alexx

    Alexx Card Captored and buttsecksed

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    I stopped reading at the DA bits. Its not bad but I've read plenty of better Indy!Harry fics like this. Everything is too easy for Harry and the characterisation of half the characters are bad.
     
  16. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    Taure's post made me read this, thanks for that Taure. I was pleasantly surprised.

    I like how the author shifts POV. I feel it gives the reader a different sensation about Harry's character. I don't know how to say it, but I felt like every description of Harry made by Daphne, Hermione, Snape, etc., was full of subjectivity. I don't know if the author intended it that way, but certainly helped. Because when the POV changed and it was centered on Harry, the reader understands it's not what it seems. Harry is not a Gary Stu, I think, or perhaps not the common one. He's an interesting character, who knows very well his abilities and flaws. He doesn't believe he can take LV one on one, he uses his brain and is very manipulative.

    There're a few things that seemed unreal, but I felt this Harry could have pulled them off like he did. Perhaps if the author was more skilled the scenes would have been more believable, but it was enough for me.

    He (the author) improved a lot from the first chapters, and the conflict seems to have been resolved. He intends to finish it, and I think there isn't much more to tell.


    4/5 for me.
     
  17. Triple_9

    Triple_9 Squib

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    I just started reading this and I couldn't get over the characterisation of Harry. Sure he's independent and all that jazz; but a morally repugnant Harry stopped being interesting long ago. I don't know if it ever was interesting to begin with. I mean, sure, dislikable characters have their place, but there should be some redeeming value in the text; through either the prose, or compelling narrative, or maybe even fleshed out secondary characters who stand in opposition to the protagonist.

    This story has too few redeeming qualities for what it is. 2/5
     
  18. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    In what way is he morally repugnant? I mean, he's pretty self-interested, but I'd consider that morally neutral.
     
  19. Triple_9

    Triple_9 Squib

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    Dude, that chapter with Ginny was basic sexual predator shit. And the way it was written (from a young, star-struck girls pov) serves to play it down, as if it's no big deal. We're even invited to laugh at her naivete! It's only morally neutral from when compared to fandom!Harry, but since when do we judge characterisations of Harry by his fandom equivalents?

    It's probably just an expression of my recently developed distaste for the way certain fanfics handle sex, particularly underaged sex. That Ginny scene at the beginning just sort of rubbed me the wrong way. It's dark, borderline stuff topped off with mind rape and a memory charm. Maybe it's because I haven't been reading too much fanfiction lately. I used to be blase about this sort of thing, especially when it happened to Ginny. But that was 2005. This is now.

    I think it speaks to a larger problem with the entire sub-genre of indy!Harry. Too often, it's handled in an incredibly ham-fisted and unsubtle way that speaks more to authorial wish-fulfillment than any artistic integrity.
     
  20. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Eh. I wouldn't say it was morally repugnant. Harry was an asshole about it, but I wouldn't say he did anything morally wrong there. Having consensual sex with someone who is completely infatuated with you when you don't share their feelings is a dick move, but it's not wrong. Ginny is responsible for herself, she has the ability to make the choice to have sex or not.

    And if you say she doesn't have that choice because she's underage then that applies to Harry too, as he is also underage. So going the underage route means that yes, Harry raped Ginny, but Ginny also raped Harry. (In real life this kind of legal situation does exist).

    The memory charm is something of a separate issue to the sex. Personally I have something of a pet hate for the term "mind rape", which I think imposes how Muggles would feel about memory charms onto the magical world. Wizarding culture is clearly quite blasé about manipulating the mind. They don't seem to consider it as any different to manipulating the body - and this actually makes a kind of sense. One of the main reasons the mind is so special to us Muggles is that it's so mysterious. We still lack so much knowledge about how it works. But wizards have direct access to the mind. Hitting someone with a cheering charm is a valid response to a person being sad, just as putting a plaster on a cut is a valid response to physical injury.

    The other reason why Muggles have such a hang up about the mind is the issue of identity: our memories make us who we are. But magical people know that souls exist, and their sense of identity relates to their soul, not their mind.