Dumbledore portrayal is a weakness, when it comes to Magical theory he isn't ignorant he might have his opinions but he is far from ignorant.
The author took an easy route instead of establishing something more deep and complex.
Dumb Dumbledore is boring, this is the only thing that really annoys me.

 

This story is boring to read. The characters are very shallow and their only use is making Harry look SO SMART SO PERFECT. Also, Harry himself is very annoying.
2/5 at best, because technically it's written correctly.

 

I have to admit I love dark!Harry stories, and the idea of Lily as a fiery existence that has more or less a will of her own is something I haven't read before. Points from that!

But as other people have said it before me, the prose is appalling. The fact you warn the readers of 'heavy prose and first person' is thoughtful, but it doesn't lessen my trouble with reading. By the end of the first chapter I felt like I was drowning.

Since this is a WIP fic, I won't give a final rating yet. As of now, this is 3/5 at most. That's because of the story and not the writing, mind you.

 

Easy 4 of 5 if not better. The repetition of apostrophic descriptive phrases is overused, but a good culling after the fact could fix that. Stylistically a cut above most multi-chapter/novel length stories, though it plods here and there. Definitely worth reading. For me personally, best new fic I've read in ages.

 

The author seems to be attempting a Tolkien like prose with some weird artsy description that makes this story a pain to read. Literary writing tends to have a message or some intuition hidden in it, that outside the typical Potter wants control of his life cliché does not seem present. That’s not to say the author can’t work that in or even should, but otherwise, this writing seems cruel to its readers. Intelligent writing doesn’t need to sound mysterious all the time, and the story could benefit a lot from the author being more direct in their writing, instead of trying to be smart.


As of now, the story seems to rely on the characters to be the main source of conflict and interest. To an extent, I see potential in Harry’s and Voldemort’s characterization but making characters act stupidly is not a substitute for actual cleverness. I had to walk away and nearly dropped this fic whenever a scene had Minerva, Flitwick, or Snape in it. To be fair, in the latest chapter, it seems like the author plans to add some depth to Dumbledore.


Despite all of this, the plot seems like it can be pretty interesting given some time to develop if the author decides to stop torturing us. At the very least, the story will be a decent powerful Harry story. In its current state, I’m giving this a 2/5 with a fair chance to improve in the coming chapters.