1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

WIP Seaborn by Captaink-19 - T - Original

Discussion in 'Original Fiction' started by Blorcyn, May 17, 2020.

  1. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    Location:
    That place
    Just read all of this and it was disappointing. Strong start that gets bogged down in unnecessary details and a super dumb MC. Seriously the everything after the picrate town was dumb and he should feel bad. The path forward should have been laid out.

    Once he got the slave crew he should have started freeing other slave ships. Angry slaves are a great source for a new army, that's revolution 101. That would have defintely pacified his crew. Keeping the slave captain was dumb, he should have known dude would double cross him and had too much built up hostility with the slaves. Instead he regularly insulted him and everyone around him so that a takeover was easy. He really could have started a slave revolution and caused tons of chaos fulfilling his mandate and doing it in a way that could have not made him a fucking ghoul or whatever.

    I finished what was out just cause, but I'm not picking it back up. Dom is too dumb. 2.5/5 for a strong start and being readable grammar wise.
     
  2. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2009
    Messages:
    8,379
    Location:
    The South
    Anyone still reading? I’m about 25 chapters behind because of how frustrated I was with the story. Plan to pick it up again if it ever gets better.
     
  3. neongreenbeast

    neongreenbeast Second Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2015
    Messages:
    67
    It's getting better. Hasn't regained the charm it had when the story first began, but the MC has done more in the last 6 chapters than in the 30 before that.
     
  4. neongreenbeast

    neongreenbeast Second Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2015
    Messages:
    67
    After a long climb from the depths this story had sunk to, we finally see it return to its roots. The last chapter balanced light-hearted camaraderie with world building, while still maintaining the tension on the horizon.

    The first half was a bit of a drag with all the talk about spending XP, but the latter half made it worth sticking with the story for so long.
     
  5. invinoveri

    invinoveri Third Year

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2012
    Messages:
    108
    Got to chapter 40 before I gave up. It’s somewhat interesting. Strong start but a lack of characterization.
     
Loading...