That was the movie... but I thought for sure that they wore something red...

MysterioX, I had the beginning of that planned for this chapter. But the Duchess wont be a pushover. :lol:

 

I just read the latest chapter (11, I believe).

I'm a bit confused by the start - it's like my copy (from FFN) is missing several parts - chapter 10 ends with Harry writing a letter to Fleur and chapter 11 beggining with the fallout of a fight Harry & Fleur had - there was no description of the fight, or why Harry had even left for France (it's mentioned later on that he's there to form an alliance with Veelas, but that's not mentioned in Fleur's letter in ch 10?). Am I missing a part, or was this supposed to be like this?

Veela city is as it should be, but it could be considered way too flashy. Be mindful not to overinflate Veela's power and influence (many authors do this with other contries besides Britain and/or other races - Vampires, especially) - they wouldn't be hiding from wizards if they were so strong.

Other than these half-arsed objections, this chapter is very much OK - no groundbreaking ideas or plot twists, but a nice filler nontheless. I hope Harry find his brain soon enough and do something VERY nasty to that duches bitch.

 

What you see is what you get, pretty much. I added a little later to try to smooth between 10 and 11. I didn't want to write a whole series of exchanges about getting Harry into France.

You are right, but there'll be plentiful reasons as to why the veela might value their secrecy, I hope. I'm trying to hammer out the veela's desire for secrecy even as they are arguably most visible while in public.

 

I think I remember a story from way back when that had the Inner circle wearing either Red robes or Red masks to show how high up in the foodchain or something. I've never seen anything red on their robes/mask in cannon.

 

Aha! I just found it....In the Order of the Phoenix(Chapter Thirty-five(Beyond the Veil)) The very first sentence is....

Not exactly the best quote, but I'm almost posative they're black cloaks...Also the transition between 10 and 11 was pretty confusing, I'm glad you added that part in the begining. It makes a lot more sense now.

 

Finally had a chance to read this. Stellar chapter. I felt like this chapter was neccessary to the plot, and it was probably a tough chapter to write.
Overall, decent. Not much really happened. Lavender was revealed, etc.

I hope Harry doesn't get seduced by these fucks. Hopefully he'll get into a fight with them. Infighting would be sweet.

Anyway, update soon!

 

Read the first few chapters and felt that it was all rushed and should have been out of hogwarts by the third chapter at the max.

Maybe if it was revised and more detail and story given to the earlier chapters it would prove to be a better read... IMO least ways.

 

That's a good point. I love the story, but when is September going to come?

Any plans to get him to Hogwarts?

 

I'm actually not sure what you mean by that, though several people said the same I think. It just looked as if anything else I add would have been regurgitation of the canon book.

Oo...I realized that could be a long while. I haven't even gotten to Voldemort's machinations or Dumbledore yet...

 

god i hate slashy male veela stories. I am really looking foward to getting into this one.

 

What I meant was this:

From what could be gathered from canon, the Third Task was towards the very end of the school year, maybe like a two or three weeks before the end of term. When I was reading yours it felt like there was a month or more left in the 4th year. Thats what I meant when they should have been out of Hogwarts by the third chapter.

DS Edit: And the second quote belongs to ChuckDaTruck.

Just joining the two posts together. Use the edit button next time instead of double posting.

-DS

 

right fixed that.

As for the 3rd task yeah. Timewise, I'm pretty sure I got it right. I made the time between ch1 and the end of the school year to be just shy of a month. 6 chapters might have been a bit much I guess.

 

hmmm im very new to this site and this story already seems appealing. im not really into the whole smuttty thing, but from what ive read, it seems good enough. i shall begin immediately

 

Something has screwed up on the AFF.net link and it won't go to your story. Maybe you could let them know that the story is down or something, I don't know exactly how AFF.net works so, and the site I'm getting is AFF but the page is telling me to fix the problem.

Figured I'd let you know there's something wrong on that end.

 

AFF is all screwed up right now. You can't read any stories there. I'm beginning to lose faith in the place period, as they've been pretty much fucked all the time since like February.

 

Yeah. They are supposedly loading the stories from the archieves to the new site. The new author page for the story is actually http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/authors.php?no=1296789058 but it's empty as they haven't moved the HP stories yet. I'll ask IP to change the address.

In the meantime, I have posted the latest up to date chapters at Ficwad:

http://www.ficwad.com/viewuser.php?uid=6593

 

Uploaded 12, how's this ppl. It's closer to the kind of stuff I wanted to write, and the climax is next chapter.

 

Not only was the context of the dispute utterly inane – from his perspective – the girls jumped topics faster than they ever jumped his boner.

Undeniably the Best Line Ever. Great Chapter. Loved the Fleur and Regine part im the middle showing what Fleur really felt, that was great characterization.

Oh, I have a question did you purposely do line, hook and sinker!...its hook, line and sinker!