Ch 13 was kind of repetitive for Harry: "zomg attack that's sure to work. zomg attack fails. bloody hell. rinse repeat."

It was irksome but still a very good action sequence, probably the best (and most lengthy for the HP category) I've seen on FFN. The 'drawing-life from a mate' was questionable, but it worked well enough for the scene. Having the other veela effect his emotions was a nice twist, especially with Lavender at the end.

If you want battle tactics, I favor the "banish a sword through the person and into a wall so they're impaled and follow up with Avada Kedavra" style. Physical submission and a magical finisher for the win.

Edit: Grammar (and I'm still too lazy to fix run-on sentences)

 

Hehe, I knew some of the more mature readers would get a kick out of that. I was smiling when I wrote most of the scenes.

Just realized how true your comment about RL was. I probably should have given it to Comtesse de Noire a bit more, but the story would have been too bloated.

If by steam, you mean ideas? I got plenty of that and they relate back to canon HP too. But as for how fast I'll write... eh we'll see.

You are right, it was repetitive, but then it was either that or he just wipes the floor with them. And the life bond is a clichee concept, but I was trying to show that there's a flipside to it too which makes it a point of vulnerability as well as strength. Guess that didn't work out too well.

 

.....Wow...thats all I can think of at the moment..I still think she needs to be cut up slowly piece by piece but it will do. But I did like that she was able to put harry on his knees by killing the other bonded when she needed to. i just wanna know when your gonna bring in the succubus( that is if your still going to use it). I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work.

 

What did work out well was him nearly being crippled by the deaths, and the Countess preparing to murder one of her own to hurt him more.

I agree it was really repeatative, so much so that I skimped quite a bit thought it, but as you said, it was a fight, in a fight it's more or less doing the same thing till someone gives up, it's not this massive complicated thing

As for Dirty Politics, you could of left out the sex scenes, it's the great plotting and deception bit I was referring to

 

I enjoyed the last chapter untill the end, where it seemed to get a bit erratic and confusing. Who died? Lavender got stabbed in the chest and is still alive and able to duel? Did Regine die? It just got really confusing, especially with the whole life force thing.

 

Regine and Fluer are still alive, thought petrified and unconcious respectively. Lav had a knife embedded in her back while Gwen is still inconscious. The other three veela mates are dead.

Good chapter btw. One of the better fight scenes I've seen.

 

I think I have a very unique way of making Comtesse de Noire suffer in the future even though she's dead. But yeah, she went down pretty fast. Most people enjoyed the bond tactic she used. Succubus...comes in next chapter I think. It won't be what you expect, but should be interesting.

That was what I meant. Mature = grown up/humorous serious topics like Harry politiking, shadow playing governments. I know what you like. I don't know why I said mature given its obvious connotation.

Oh whew, thanks for answering that, niffler lord. And Gwen took basically a metal spear through the gut. IllusiveOne, you would have been lost if you were skipping. But in that case, all you need to know was what Niffler Lord said above. Glad you liked it.




***Spoiler - a bit, not really that much***

Harry's veela bond:
1. Forms with any magic woman he sleeps with (currently)
2. Positive: Share energy/life/magic
=> Fleur+Regine's heal Harry after he was stabbed
=> Harry heals Fleur and Regine after they were cut
=> Fleur sends her force to Harry after Lavender hit him in the back near the end.
3. Negative: Violently severing the bond i.e. killing one of Harry's bonded causes Harry great pain. i.e. each of the three times in which one of his bonded enemy veela is killed.

Hope that clears it up.

 

ah thought you meant you were grinning from Susan giving it to Daph with the strap-on =)

 

My turn to comment about this great chapter, the way de Noire went down was ok would have been better if she was burnt alive a prolonged painful death.
Now I can’t wait to see what you do with Lavender I really like the way you changed her compared to canon. Will they both be punished for life bet something like no sex for life will be the best type of torture.
How will the veela community react to what happened? The French govt? Dumbledore? Voldemort?

 

all i can see it this is going to be intresting

 

holy jesus shit balls. cool. one great battle sequence, but im gonna have to agree, the comtesse died to fast. btw, is regines arm permantently gone, or is some bond shit gonna make it alllll better. and does the killing of a bonded make harry lose power permantently or only hurt him in the now.

 

Mehe... that's really funny only in the sense that they are supposed to be polar enemies in public.

Punishment? I'm trying to come up with something suitable and semi-believable. As for the rest, some of the questions should be covered in the next two chapters. But no one will actually know the specifics. It's very hush-hush... in a black ops kind of way.

Democable, it should be. Welcome to DLP btw.

Regine's arm wasn't technically gone. The bones, cartelieges, ligaments were all left intact. The spell "only" ripped the top layer of skin off. Fleur repaired the arm i.e. reapplied the skin soon after so it wasn't that bad. As for Harry losing the bonds. Technically there shouldn't be any permanent effect. But the bonds are like semi-soulmate bonds (no worries, I won't go into the goggly-eye stuff, but the mechanics have excellent plot uses). But he can only take so much loss before his psyche is affected. It's like killing in war. It just gets easier to pull the trigger after a while.

Thanks everyone. The reviews have been generally very positive. I'll have some idea I can use to clear up some points in later chapters or work in a little more vengence .

 

Your newest chapter is a work of art. I like how you had the Veela fighting in formation and using strategy to take Harry out. You don't see many writers using that kind of strategy in their fics.

My absolute favorite part was when de Noire killed those two bonded at point blank range. So cruel and devious.

As for the fighting, I'm inclined to say that it was a bit of the same. Harry would get wounded but manage to cleverly defeat opponent after which he would get wounded etc. But I think that this method clearly showed the graveness of the fight. So I'm still happy with it.

Keep up the suberb work!

 

so if fluer was killed he would develop post traumatic stress syndrome symptoms and shit. i get it. well kudos again you lucky bastard. is it as good for you to write the stories as it is for us to read them?

 

I don't like the whole "Lover Bond" thing. It really weakens Harry considerably. Maybe it'll be better once he getrs controll of the bond, but right now, its like if you kill enough lovers, yhou can kill Harry. What if he takes on a few squibs or something? Or fucks someone like the countess again? He needs to get control of those bonds ASAP! He's WAY too vulnerable otherwise.

Update soon!

 

Masterfully done Mrriddler such fine work. You dueling scene was incredible i rate it well up there with Sibff's dueling scene at the end of his fic between Harry and Riddle. Like most have said i think that it would of been nicer to see the mastermind behind the plan to suffer a more painful death then that of getting impailled by a sword, but you get that. To see what Riddles up to will be refreshing and i look forward to it.

 

I hate to say this as I love your work but that really really stunk. No not the writing style or the chapter as a whole, but the fight was confusing and erratic (not in the good way if you know what I mean..8)) But still well writen.

Please don't take this wrong and think I don't like the chapter(or story as a whole) but it was very frustrating tring to keep track of who died and what not. Felt kinda rushed ended up skipping a bit....kinda like this reveiw/post

 

I think this chapter was good. At least on par with the chapter before it.

 

Yes on the fighting thing and de Noire tactic. I'll work on the fighting sequences. I doubt it'll ever be that heavy in the future.

Hmm, I believe so, but it's more from putting pieces of my plot together than anything. I don't think I enjoy quite the same parts that my readers like. I for one never reread the smuts I wrote.

You jumped the gun, my friend. I'll get to that. Yes, it is a big vulnerability for Harry, but I needed to show that there is a negative side to his nature.

Sibff had some excellent dueling scenes. Glad you enjoyed this chapter as much. You'll enjoy Riddle, I'm sure. It'll be short but betrays a lot of things...if you know a little about early 20th century history.

Hmm, I don't think I had too much complaint about that. Though if you skipped a lot, you definitely could get lost. I built the latter scenes from the former ones and used earlier identifiers for several key/unnamed veela throughout. Eh, don't know what to say, but I guess it shouldn't matter much. If you get a general gist of what happens, it's ok. The extra stuff in there is for the various subplots I need to built up.

 

i was so let down. i was looking on ficwad for some shit and i see your story, and it says 14 chapters. i was sooo exicted thinking that by some crazy muse related occurence you had already updated. alas you had just broken up the last chapter. im crying.