New chapter is up.

Since it is really early in the story and errors are easy to fix, I really want to know how this story needs to be fleshed out. What needs more depth? Does something need a longer or more detailed explanation? Is there a gaping plot hole?

Kindly email me, or IM me, or PM me or reply to this. Be as specific as you can. My feelings can heal themselves, but my fics need help.

 

As I said in my review on FF.net this chapter is much better, the length was semi-decent wish it was a bit longer, also the wait wasn't quite as bad this time. Hope to see more, preferably soon but I guess I can wait

 

Your latest chapter shows a definite improvement in your writing, but there's still a bunch of work to be done. I took a quick look around for a couple of tutorials that'll give you pointers better than any review that I could possibly give you at this time.

Tutorial: OC PERSONALITY BUILDER : Backgound/Appearance

Tutorial: OC PERSONALITY BUILDER ~Introspection and Emotions


Tutorial: OC PERSONALITY BUILDER: ♦ ENNEAGRAMS ♦

Tutorial: OC PERSONALITY BUILDER: How to go from SUE to complex OC

Tutorial: Adverbs and Adjectives

Tutorial: Passive Voice vs Active:


These tutorials will help you more that you realize. Hell, they're half the reason I decided to go back through and rewrite parts of my own stories. There's a lot of neat information tucked away in these tutorials that I wished I had know before I started writing.

 

Thanks! Those were really helpful. I read them all and my brain has absorbed as much as it can handle. Let's see if my next chapter improves. It should be up soon.

Edit: it's up. It feels a little weak to me but I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with it.

 

Newest chapter is up. Thanks very much for the help, Swim Draconian. I feel like my writing is a whoel lot better already.

 

Your welcome, your writing doesn't feel as awkward to the reader anymore. Its coming together well.

Now I just need to find my muse so I can write something. :/

 

Very good. I have not seen another story with a plot like this. Seems to be very good so far. Keep up the good work.
Everything does seem to go a bit too fast tough. You could have made your chapters quite a bit longer in my opinion. Anyway 4/5 =)