I think for me that's part of the reason why I like this story. I've read so many great but extremely unrealistic stories featuring things like gun-wielding!Harry, half-demon!Harry, aristocrat!Harry, that it's good to just read a story that is pretty canon friendly while still featuring a Harry who is smart, independent, yet still being in character.

Anyways, reading this story is like reading what HBP should've been. So I like it, but I can understand why others won't.

 

So far, this story has had an average start, but only because the author still hasn't done anything to make the story his own. I have to wonder though, if The Doctor is reading the same story as the rest of us.

"--in the end, something that easily outdoes HBP" Well, so far, this IS HBP, although the changes in the fundamentals have a lot of potential. And yes, Harry has been (briefly) burdened by the Chest Monster.

That said, my only gripe so far is that the story isn't as original as I'd like, but I can see this changing as Harry's 'Order' grows into a stronger role.

As others have already said, the characterizations are spot on, and the writing style is excellent. I'd love to see the grammar cleaned up, though.

For now, I'll refrain from rating what has the potential to be a great read...so long as the author expands on his own ideas, and leaves some of JKR's behind.

 

So far this seems an easy 4/5 from me, it is well written and pretty easy to read, however the recounting of so many peoples lives in the second chapter got on my nerves enough for me to skip almost the entire chapter.

Other than that, it is a good read for a slow afternoon like now.

 

Basically this is one of the fics with a much used plot only it is far far better than 95% of the fics with this plot. The Characterization is great. Ill agree that the retelling from different POV is annoying but I can stand that.

4/5

 

I think I'm up to chapter six now. Its .. fairly good, despite the errors of omission and some spelling mistakes. Has a huge H/Hr tone to it in most of the story.

Personally, I like it, despite being rabidly anti-Hermione. 4/5

 

Harry overcomes the Chest Monster in this, however.

It's better than HBP in the simple fact that there's far less OOC-ness, which is really what killed it for me.

 

This fic is meh. I mean its nicely written and everything, but all the recaps really piss me off. The dialogue feels wooden Like no one has any emotion. Everything is pretty predictable from what I read.

Theres just nothing I could sink my teeth into. 2.5/5

 

I like the fic, it's well written and all, but I can not get into the plot line at all.

 

Ok, so Harry and Hermione are both aware of the 'alterations' made to their relationship...the question is, will they do anything about it?

Ginny...yes, love potions seem right up her alley, and she's obsessed with Harry. Ron...wow. I don't like Ron, but attempted rape? Far-fetched, if you ask me. Bill...also a bit strained, I think. Unless he's perceptive enough to know that the author's Fleur still has a thing for Harry, I can't see his motivation for the way he reacted to the secrets between them.

Characterization is getting a bit out of hand, here, if you ask me. By throwing the love potion scam in, the author has barely changed some elements of HBP, and so far, doesn't seem inclined to change the general storyline. Malfoy in the RoR? Check. Dumbledore out searching for something? Check. Awkwardness between characters? Check.

That said, there is still a lot of potential here, but inserting a few new plot devices into the HBP plot probably won't make it a better story. Unless the next couple of chapters show drastic improvement, this story will be summed up in one word, in my opinion; Disappointing.

 

4/5

The different points of view are interesting in that they give us insight into minor characters minds but I agree that the chapter where this happens gets rather slow. Given Ron's sub-plot we needed his insight to understand how he is different from the cannon portrayal. It seems somewhat far-fetched for him to resort to rape but he never actually committed the act. When he set out, that was what he was hoping to accomplish but it seems very likely that he would have done anything.

Bill's portrayal is quite different from the fanfic norm but this fine because he is a very minor character and was basically an OC up till this point. In any event he is still a Weasley, brought up to worship Dumbles and believe in family unity.

This really is just a O-make of HBP, while removing basically all the things which the members of DLP dislike. The story is a nice read, even if it isn't very original, and has a lot of potential.

 

It's like a HBP without characters drawn from the cast of Bizarro Hogwarts like in canon. I like.

 

I mostly like what I've read so far. The story has a fresh slant to what is obviously becoming an independent Harry story. It offers characters that actually seem to have grown a little bit since OotP unlike canon.

The potions or mind fucking that is going on is a bit cliched, but it's handled well. I like the fact that he's actually training, and becoming a better dueler instead of having a powerup or using some DBZ trunk with time capsule. The plotting is pretty good so far. We get to see things from the characters' perspectives and see mostly Harry and Hermione make decent guesses at what's going on around them.

Ron's characterization, while not quite canon is plausible and not the over-the-top betrayer rapist that so many authors advocate. The same can be said with Ginny's character. She's not the character from the books, per se, but it's close enough, and presented in a way that I'm not looking for a pod person. The scene with her freaking because Harry is with Padma was well done. I thought Fleur's thoughts concerning Harry were a bit stronger than they were at that point in time.

Harry's interaction with the other students is actually believable and the dialogue is handled well. He's got a good start at making the different characters unique without destroying canon. I especially liked the conversation with Hannah and Susan at lunch. The different perspectives work for me.

Spelling and Grammar outstanding for a fic, above average otherwise.

The author does need to be a bit more concise, I find myself skimming too much, especially the first few chapters. I think going back after/if it's finished and editing is a must. The fight with Bella and the duel with Hermione were nicely done.

Pairings, intermediate or final haven't been announced, but it currently has a strong Hermione or Fleur slant. I personally hope it's not Hermione, but we'll have to wait and see.

If you like stories that have solid canon characteristics and feature a canon-ish Harry that actually has the start of a clue, then I'd recommend this highly right now. I think the story has a lot of promise. I'd give it 4/5 currently after eight chapters.

 

As my Chemistry professor said, "HF is so powerful that it can dissolve glass."

 

Reading the first chapters it's as if I'm reading a synopsis of all the previous years. He summerizes his defence teachers,the times he was nearly killed at school... meh I'll read the rest anyway 3/5

 

Ah yes. Bonus points = Ron and Ginny are in a love potion scheme involving guess who?. Very entertaining read, certainly above the usual fan fiction nowadays...then again the standard isn't very high.

4/5

 

First off, thanks to everyone who has said positive things about the story. For those that don't like, to each his own. I don't mind, especially considering the audience I do have following currently is at least double the amount that I expected.

Secondly, I'm now present to answer any queries you might have, without spoiling things.

Thirdly, the next chapter will still be another few days. I've been incredibly busy the past few days and have only just managed to reply to all the reviews I received I little while ago. I've also reached a rough patch in my draft writings. I want to keep a minimum of five chapters ahead of the work posted on FF.net (I'm currently writing chapter twenty) and want to finish that chapter before I post anything more.

Lastly, I have to say this. This fic will be completed. It may take me another year or two, but it will finish. I didn't set out to do a half assed job and leave, so there should be no worries about that. Actually, I'd like to write more after I'm done if this continues to be so highly regarded.

Well, it's nearly 1am here and so I should be off to actually sleep, even if I'm an insomniac.

Darren

 

I gave this one a read. Admittedly, some parts I skipped over. I found them tedious, pointless, well-written, but uninteresting. Then again, those of us on this forum are typically extremely familiar with canon thus reading about it is a waste. If Darren's target audience is to include those new to fanfic, or even those unaware of Harry Potter canon, then the rehash is a necessary evil.

It's not unlike every freaking story that starts by talking about how "normal" the house located at Number Four Privet Drive appears. If you've read fanfic before, starts like that make you want to kick a puppy.

That said, there's just too much Sweet Valley High in this story for me. It's like an improved, semi-intelligent Harry, crossed with unending teen romance all set pretty close to canon.

Some people love this kind of thing, and frankly I'm a little surprised this fic hasn't got more reviews and popularity than it does. But there were a few points where I had to force myself to keep reading. Everything was about these annoying teens and their annoying teen problems. Ron and Ginny acting funny, Padma over and over again appearing 'smart', Harry angsting over his friends becoming a "couple," forcefully injecting mystery into Daphne's appearance on the Map, Seamus and Parvati snogging and how clueless Harry is not to notice. This is teen girlie drama stuff, not an action-adventure story filled with magic.

There's just too many minuscule details completely unimportant to the overall story. Seeing characters' questions written in the exposition, especially when it just keeps going from one character to the next... it just feels more like pages from random diaries than a cohesive and forward moving plot. The style is very smooth and easy to read, it's just there should be more story here.

Hearing the characters come to a conclusion that "Hey, Merope Gaunt used love potions on Tom Riddle, Senior? She died so Voldie was an orphan and unloved? Sounds like you Harry." It just feels dumbed down. We know these things. Is Draco a Death Eater? Of course he is. Everyone reading the books knew that before half the characters seemed to even consider the possibility. Would Mrs. Weasley and therefore Ron and Ginny manipulate and control Hermione and Harry? Of course they have. It's been established several times in the story, yet discussion of whether its going on continues.

I guess my biggest problem is that we're 92,000 words into this story, and 95% of what we need to know so far was learned in the summary. The rest is just window dressing. Seriously, you could probably cut out 70,000 words and still have the same fic here.

The duel with Bellatrix was... canon-friendly. It wasn't bad, but it felt disappointing to see how inept and incapable not just the Death Eaters, but the students were. At least it's a fair fight, I suppose.

Overall, I can see some neophyte Indy!Harry fans enjoying this, and some of the more open-minded canon-thumpers enjoying it. But would I expect the average DLPer? Or me? Not so much. Maybe when it's done I'll give it a read, but this looks to be a very long ride and considering this story is just Year 6, with a Year 7 sequel already planned, it may end up being just way too much story to interest me.

3/5 for the open-minded author here on the board looking to improve, the smooth writing style, and nicely developed grasp of teenagers, teen-drama, teen points of view. But there's not much here I'd recommend unless you're looking for "One Tree Hill" crossed with a generic independent/betrayal plot all told in many exhaustingly canon-like voices.

 

Nonjon, that was probably the best review of this story yet. I would quote it just to have it posted twice but that might seem a little over the top. So instead;

/me points to nonjon's review for the truth

 

Read the latest chapter, and found it pretty good. I liked the battle scene, but I really didn't like the wills, I've read those wills over and over in every independent!Harry story.

 

It was done pretty good, considering it's been done more than ten thousand times.

Harry doesn't inherit more money than Donald Trump (though the comment "richest Wizard in Europe" raised my hackles), doesn't inherit from fifteen different families, and the Weasleys and Hermione get jack all (Sirius knows that what's Harry's will eventually also be Hermione's.).

Ragnok is used once more, Griphook goes virtually unnoticed (there's no "You recognised a Goblin?! Here, have ten billion galleons), and Harry's unbiased views are done well.

Really though, the inheritance of head of the House of Black was too much. It would make sense for Sirius to will it to the Tonks', with Harry as acting-HoH due to antiquated Wizarding laws that make only a male a HoH.

Hogwarts is comprisimed, and Harry's gone to France. Let's hope scaryisnit can do a good job of the French Wizarding World. Or just the Delacour's.