I’ve escaped Helgen after the dragon attack. I killed a handful of Imperials that got in my way because I needed some gear and they were assholes. I followed Ralof since at least he wasn’t trying to chop my head off - but he talks a little too much. Sometimes he just needs to shut up. He mentions a sister in Riverwood, so it sounds like a good place to go.

I make my way down the path and notice a rabbit in the bush. I’m pretty hungry but I’m not fast enough, the bugger gets away. I then remember I scavenged a few rabbit legs from Helgen, as well as some salt. Maybe I’ll cook a meal when I get into town.

I follow the path until I come upon a cobbled road, and then follow that further down. In the distance, I can see large ruins, perched on the side of the mountain. I wonder what is inside? I wouldn’t mind exploring them.

I walk a bit more and I’m almost past them when I see them - three guardian stones, Ralof explains. What the hell? Was he just waiting here to tell me that? After he finishes, he walks off. What a weird fellow. I pick the warrior stone because I’m a kickass warrior.

I pick some flowers as I walk. They are pretty so why not? It isn’t long before I find myself wandering off the track and find a place called Embershard Mine. Don’t ask me how I know. There is a guy outside. I go to say hello but the asshole attacks me - what the fuck, man? I have a shield, though, so I block and skewer him with my Imperial sword. It was pretty badass. I loot his corpse of any gold he has, as I’ll do with anyone I kill in the future.

I go inside the mine because there must be a reason why that guy was there. Inside two of his friends are walking by a fire. I pull out my longbow and nail one of them in the back of the head. He drops like a sack of bricks. His friend yells and charges up at me, so I fire again and again. His chest is now full of arrows.

I see some mushrooms and pick them. I’m still hungry and they’ll go well with the rabbit meat I pinched. There is also some wine. After letting the bridge down, two more bastards come running out screaming. This time I dispatch them with my awesome swordplay. I smash the first one in the face with my shield and slice him up. The second gets hacked and then impaled.

All this fighting is making me thirsty, so I drink that bottle of wine. I move on and find a catman. He is pretty angry so I kill his ass and take his key. There is a whole lot of money behind a locked door, so I take it all. The chest is filled with mostly useless crap and more money. Oh, and a spellbook. I learn Clairvoyance.

Moving on, I find a large cavern with wooden walkways. There is a woman here, but she is a bitch just like her friends and tries to club me to death. I litter her with arrows. Two of her friends come running - one is an orc with a really big sword. He is pretty slow though and I bash his face in with my shield. His friend suffers a similar fate. I also hit them with my sword a bunch of times. I must be covered in blood by now.

I’m starting to get thirsty again, so I raid their food stores. There is more wine and heaps of carrots and apples, which I take. There is also a charred strip of skeever meat on a plate, so I eat it. You should never waste food, even food that someone else has prepared. Skeevers are pretty disgusting rat creatures but they taste alright, with a little hot sauce.

There doesn’t seem to be anymore people around so I pick a few more mushrooms and then leave.

When I exit the cave, I can see Riverwood. It’s also night time now; the moon is full and looming over the town. The sky is a bit cloudy, but the weather is fine. I head into town and even at this late hour, there are a few people walking around. Even children.

I find Ralof behind the blacksmiths, talking with some woman. I’m assuming its his sister, but who knows. We talk a bit and some kid runs over, Ralof’s nephew. He is a morbid little shit, though.

I wonder why no one asks me about my appearance. I’m completely decked out in Imperial armour. Oh well.

We talk some more about the dragon beating the shit out of Helgen, then Gerdur - his sister - offers me the key to her house - wtf? - and a gift. I take the sweetroll. She also asks me to head over to Whiterun and warn the Jarl about the dragon attack. I suppose I can do that, I have nothing better to do.

But maybe tomorrow. I feel like sleeping and now Ralof is trying to recruit me into the Stormcloaks. I don’t know about that. Their uniform is pretty shitty. I decide to sleep outside because I’m a Nord, fuck yeah.

 

I only sleep for a few hours. When I wake up, it is still dark. I get ready to move out when I notice that the Riverwood Trader is open. What a weird hour to be open. Whatever, I need some shit since Whiterun is a pretty decent walk.

When I enter, I’m met with an argument. A brother and sister are fighting about something. Truth be told, I don’t really pay much attention. At least, not to their words - the girl is pretty smoking. I talk to the guy and he goes on and on about some thief breaking in and stealing a golden claw. Being the guy I am, I offer to help find it. I love rewards.

He tells me they have gone to Bleak Falls Barrow, the ruins on the mountains. Looks like I’m be getting to explore them after all. The sister offers to show me the way but her brother only lets her take me to the edge of town. What a control freak.

She leaves me at the bridge - her name is Camilla - so I continue on and nearly have a heart attack when a flock of birds pass over me. Bastards are out at a strange time, what the fuck? I also see a hawk circling further up the mountain. Does nothing ever sleep anymore?

I’m only been walking for less than a minute when I hear a wolf howl. I glance around a bit nervously. I take a few more steps and a wolf comes hurdling out of the forest, snarling wildly as it leaps at me. I smash my shield into its snout and it whines, so I stab it in the throat. Blood gushes all over the road. I make sure to skin it, because wolf pelt! Don’t ask me how I store all this shit, it’s probably magic.

Moving on, the landscape quickly changes. It’s snowing and cold as hell, but I’m a Nord so it doesn’t matter. I come upon a tower halfway up the mountain, with two douche bag bandits outside. I peg one in the dick with an arrow, and his friend froths at the mouth in battle lust and charges me. I quickly dispatch him with a nice sword thrust.

I find some gold inside and an orc, who tries to kill me but I slice him to pieces. The treasure chest has some jewels, which is nice. There was nothing else around so I made my way up the mountain once more and arrive at Bleak Falls Barrow pretty quickly. There are three more bandits outside. Two of them are easily killed but the third one is a tricky prick who shoots me with arrows. I finally get him and take his hunting bow because it’s better than my longbow.

I go inside and kill some more bandits and cut off some skeever tails. Further in, there is another bandit inspecting something. I’m about to jump out like a ninja and kill his ass but he trips some trap and gets killed by poison darts. What an idiot. The trap is pretty easy to figure out - snake, snake, whale. It’s all right there on the wall.

Soon I come upon heaps of spider webs and someone calling out for help. Is it the thief or someone else? I cut my way through the webs and see him, caught and bound, like a piece of food. I’m about to question him when a giant spider falls from the roof. I nearly scream but I control myself and charge. It shoots some poison at me but I’m dodging like a boss, hacking into it’s hard body. It thrashes around and nearly kills me, but after a few moments it drops dead.

I ask the man about the claw and he says he has it, just cut me down and I’ll show you what it opens. I don’t believe him, he is pretty shifty and is an elf - so fuck him. Soon as I cut him down, he tries to bolt, so I grab him by the shoulder from behind and ram my sword in through his kidney and up into his ribcage. He flails around like a spastic and collapses, so I loot his shit.

Golden Claw is now mine.

And then... zombies. The place is filled with them. Every room I enter, three of the pricks jump out and try to murder me. They are also much harder to kill than regular people, which is a pain in the ass. There are also a heap of traps like swinging axes and spikes. I’m too smart to fall victim to such obvious things, though. I also burn a whole lot of them because there is oil on the floor and lamps hanging from the ceiling which are easily dislodged. It's fun watching a zombie run around on fire.

Soon enough, I come across a massive stone door. You obviously use the Gold Claw to open it, so I do - after inspecting the palm, I dial in the correct combination of animals - wut - and it opens. Not very difficult, really.

Inside is a huge chamber. I walk around a bit then head towards a weird wall with strange writing I can’t understand. It seems to be whispering something - maybe I need to eat something, that sounds crazy. But one of the words is glowing and howling and as I walk closer, I suddenly understand what the writing for that word is. What the fuck is going on?

Freaked out, I try to leave but some super zombie busts out of his coffin. He is pissed, probably because I woke him up and starts screaming at me. Strangely enough, I feel myself being pushed back. This dude is for real.

He has a massive axe and it hurts my arm every time I block it with my shield, my whole body shuddering under the force, but my shield stays true. I hack at him again and again and again, slicing strips of dead flesh free with every strike. The bastard keeps swinging like a berserker and nearly takes my head off with every swing. My shield can’t take much more, so I charge him and stab him through the gut. Twisting the blade, I pull it free, spin, and slice him across the chest with all my might.

He tumbles to the floor, dead - um, deader. He has a weird stone in his loincloth - wut - so I take it and get the fuck out of there, because holy shit this place is dangerous and creepy and after super zombies, a fucking dragon will probably pop out next.

At least I’ve got that guys stupid claw.

 

I exit the ruins through a cave. It’s pretty high up on the mountain and there isn’t a clear path on getting down. I have to act like a spider and scuttle from outcrop to outcrop, but I finally make it to the ground. There is a pretty big fox nearby but it runs as soon as I look at it, so no pelt for me. The place is littered with mammoth bones, though. Weird.

There is a river near by so I head that way to clean the blood off me. As I do so, I hear a howl. Moments later, two wolves come charging out from behind a few trees. I make quick work of them with my sword and shield, spraying their blood across myself once again.

Fuck this.

Taking their pelts, I move on. I notice that there is a woman on the other side of the river, sitting by a tent and fire. I swim across and talk to her - she is a hunter and willing to trade. I trade my pelts for a bit of coin, then leave. She has no more money, so no point in sticking around.

As I’m nearing Riverwood, I find two dead wolves in the middle of the road - what the hell? Whatever, I skin them and continue on. I go straight to the Riderwood Trader and hand in the claw. He is pretty happy and talks a load of shit, but he rewards me, so I’m happy. I sell some of the loot I’ve picked up - mainly an assortment of gems and those two pelts, and some extra weapons. I sell my Imperial Sword and buy a steel sword. It does more damage for some reason.

His sister is pretty sweet on me now but doesn’t say much, so I leave and head into the inn. I’m stopped by a bard named Sven. He sounds like a jerkass, though - he spins some tale about Camilla and an elf, and gives me a fake letter to ruin their relationship or someshit. I take it because fuck him, I’m going to ruin his shit. But first, I go to the counter and order some mead.

While there, I learn about a bounty job up by Whiterun. Sounds like a nice bit of easy coin. Orgnar - the man behind the counter - also tells me about some creepy little shit in Winterhelm trying to summon the Dark Brotherhood. Maybe I’ll go pay him a visit - or not. I don’t want to get mixed up in that shit.

I go back to the Trader and show Camilla the letter, but tell her it is from Sven, not the elf. She thanks me and tells me to talk to the elf, so I do. He is chopping wood and says he is also thankful, and gives me some money. Score.

I leave town after that. I’m hungry but I can’t be fucked finding a place to cook. Just outside of town, I run into a dark elf. His name is Faldus and he is going to the Shrine of Azura for some reason. He doesn’t really explain, but he shows me where to find it on my map - without asking my permission. What a douche. I also notice he is walking the wrong way, but whatever.

I notice that I can’t see very far. It’s very misty and as I approach the village on the outskirts of Whiterun, I have trouble seeing the hold. It’s rather strange for fog to still linger this late in the afternoon. It gives everything a rather dull feeling.

As I get closer, I notice three people tangling with a giant. I charge in immediately to help - it’s a damn giant, man. I barely get one hit in before it dies. Okay, they didn’t need my help. They kicked its ass.

Some woman called Aela talks to me about shield brothers and Companions or whatever, but I ignore her. I just nod and then leave after she finishes talking.

Outside the gates, there is a caravan of cat people. They are selling and buying, so I sell a few more of my things and browse their wares. There isn’t much I want, so I move on.

The guards try to stop me from entering, but I mention the dragon and they let me in. Idiots. I wander through town a bit, just looking around. Some Imperial dude is talking to a blacksmith lady about an order of weapons. It isn’t very interesting so I head up to the Jarl’s place.

His housecarl comes charging over as I enter but when I say the word dragon, she lets me pass unmolested. These guys are pretty lax. Kinda strange for a female dark elf to be a housecarl, though.

I talk to the Jarl about the dragon and it’s pretty boring. He rewards me with steel armour, though, so that makes me happy. We go talk to his court wizard because the guy is obsessed with dragons. He wants me to fetch something for him but guess what? That weird stone I looted out of the zombies loincloth? That’s what he wants.

I’m the man.

While I’m busy admiring my awesome skills, the lady elf comes running in and says a dragon has been sighted. After talking with the Jarl, I head out with her and four other men to slay a dragon.

...are they trying to get us killed?

Apparently, it was sighted at the Western Watch Tower so we head over as fast as we can. It’s a pretty decent run but we make good time. The place is ruined, though. There are bodies laying about, smouldering. The stone is on fire and everything is eerily silent.

When we approach the tower, though, someone comes running out and tells us to watch out. The dragon returns with a roar and starts setting people on fire. We fire arrows when we can and when it lands, I charge in with my sword. I land a few hits before it gets pissed off enough to turn and tail swipe me.

Damn, that hurts.

My arm goes numb every time I strike it but I continue anyway. I’m enveloped by fire but survive, dealing the killing blow as it tries to take off once more. It flops rather boneless to the ground and people start cheering. That is, until is starts turning to ash and everyone freaks the fuck out. A strange light pours off it and I’m surrounded, much like that weird wall in the ruins. It’s rather odd.

The men start talking about dragonborn and devouring souls, but I have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. Whatever - we just killed a fucking dragon.