Title: Slither Hither
Author: Jessica X
Category: Romance
Rating: NC17
Ship: HP/PP
Words: 2986
Status: Completed
Summary: After a brief altercation in the hall, Harry Potter is under the distinct impression that Pansy Parkinson is out for his blood. But for some reason, Cho Chang is taking her side...
Link: http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/. . .

A very interesting Harry Potter/Pansy Parkinson story.


Checked July 23, 2012

 

Erm, one of the more unique fics i have read but a solid read!
3/5

 

Not a bad one-shot. oh crap i had a really good review planned out in my head and now it has totally gone!

oh well anyways not bad. keep it up.

 

solid fic


4/5

 

I likey... 4.5/5

 

Harry Pansy: 4/5 (doesn't change the way she looks so up form a 3/5)
Screaming I love you to a person you have hated during sex: 2/5
Screaming i hate you because i can't hate you: 4/5
Screwing your a person who just told you to rape them: 4/5
Just because it has a few funny parts does not a great fic make. 3.25/5 better then average but lose the I love you scream and we can talk.

 

I didn't like the hints that Pansy loved harry but in general was a good fic. As much as I hate to say this, as I don't like one-shots, it would have been better as a one shot.

3.8/5 with room to move to 4 on a good day.

 

Really? hp/pp?

I cannot COMPREHEND why someone, or anyone for that matter, would push Potter/Parkinson. Parkinson is a useless background whore to stand on Malfoys arm.

 

Was posted for review in 2005.

And weren't you the person who wrote Ron/Voldemort slash? I'd rather read H/PP any day.

 

Oh snap. Dude the normal rules y'know, canon compatibility, characterization common fucking sense, they don't apply to slash writers. That's why R/LV is somehow better than HP/PP.

Also: has DLP gone progressive now? We have LV/Ron shippers? WTF?

 

Well, at the risk of being an apologist...

Compared to say, Draco, (who gets shipped with both Harry and Hermione constantly) canon Pansy is never shown to have death eater parents nor is she herself Marked, isn't among those that restrain the 'six pack' in Umbridge's office at the end of OoTP, never says mudblood, and never physically attacks anyone (that I can recall).

And as for being a whore, well, we see her fawning over Draco at age thirteen, but we never see her so much as kiss someone... Where, if we're talking numbers here, canon!Ginny is seen trying to choke Dean Thomas on her tongue before she hooks up with Harry and Hermione kisses Viktor Krum and Ron.

[Including 'man-whores', Ron scopes Lavender Brown's intestinal tract via her mouth before hooking up with Hermione and... Well, I'm not sure Cho Chang sobbing onto Harry's mouth actually counts as anything more than awkward... Either way, the main cast is up on Pansy's whoredom two to one.]

And if we examine canon!Hermione's reason for being with Krum that night to begin with: Either she was simply the girl who annoyed him least, or he saw her disinterest in him as a challenge.

By her own admission he barely spoke to her and had little to say when he did, and most of her own motivation for kissing a guy she probably thought she'd never even see again was a combination of 'screw you, Ron Weasley!' and 'bookworm gets the star jock, screw you, bitches!'.

So who's the whore? Apparently nearly every girl (and boy) above twelve in the world.

Frankly, Pansy is one of those characters of whom so little is said in canon that what we do see of her could be interpreted in a million different ways.

Mostly she's a cliquey little bitch.

Really, she only does two things in the series that reflect very badly upon her character. The first of which is liking Malfoy over the course of the series. This can be ameliorated, excused, or explained in fanfic by one of any number of viable plots, each and every one more valid (and sane) than the reasons (if any) that are given for D/H and D/Hr.

The second moment is in Dubious Hack- I mean Deathly Hallows, which no one comes out of looking good (supremacist Dumbledore plots Harry's death from the moment he's marked, deadbeat dad Remus abandons his pregnant wife, Unforgiveable user Harry tortures and uses mind control, airhead Hermione is an airhead, useless panicking hothead Ron, abandoning his friends Ron, using a date-rape how-to book to win Hermione's affections Ron...): Pansy shouts that they should hand Harry over to Voldemort when the Dark Lord himself is threatening to huff and puff and kill everyone in the castle.

Which itself could be interpreted a number of ways:

• She's a death eater sympathizer
• She's a complete coward
• She's succumbing to desperation after six years of trying to survive life in the Slytherin dorm while neither announcing her loyalties, nor arousing suspicion among the death eater's children, and a year of living in a school run by the death eaters themselves without getting tortured like Longbottom or 'vanished' in the night like Lovegood, or getting herself and her entire family put on Voldemort's shit list because she put a foot wrong during lunch.

This flexibility, taken to its extreme, is the reason for the popularity of characters like Daphne Greengrass, who is only mentioned at her sorting, and Tracey Davis who is only a name on an extra-canonical list of students (and, yes, the emergence of Morag McDougal).

They have a hint of canon authenticity, but since they are never shown doing anything in the books AT ALL, they are pure potential. They also, I'm sure, have the added appeal that since they aren't described, they avoid Pansy's biggest sin in canon: not being drop dead gorgeous (so shallow...).

Which in and of itself is debatable, since the only mention of her looks is from children who dislike her, saying that she's got a pug nose. A: They hate her guts, B: children pick on ANY notable feature in order to make a person feel bad, C: Rita Skeeter describes her, in writing, as being pretty.

Sure, Rita's an inveterate (and invertebrate) liar when it suits her purposes, but she's rarely nice to anyone when she doesn't have to be. Also, she describes Hermione as plain... which up until the Yule Ball fits her appearance to a tee.

Many H/Pansy fics unnecessarily smooth this over by either saying Pansy got her nose 'fixed' (often citing Hermione's teeth getting fixed as Pansy's inspiration) or claiming she's been hiding her true beauty under an illusion (which was a decent plot device exactly ONE time, the first time it was done in 'White Knight, Grey Queen', and even then the fact that she was actually taller was retarded), usually so her fellow dungeon dwellers don't rape the shit out of her.

All in all, Pansy isn't that bad a choice for pairing with Harry. The caveat here, as always, being that you need a decent writer to make it happen without a godawful mess of hand waving, illogical bullshit, and simply ignoring canon and all good sane sense in order to impatiently rush toward their goal of 'hawt sechs' scenes with two characters who should hate each others guts at the beginning of the story.

Of course, no amount of 'Pretty Pansy' hand waving can compare to the way fanfic writers ignore unflattering canon descriptions of Draco, to say nothing of Snape's lank, greasy hair, yellow teeth, sallow complexion and hooked nose (and, if Mary GrandPré's illustrations are to be believed, his goatee!).

​

Of course, some would still be attracted to him; go fig'.

 

If it makes you feel any better, almost everyone who read her intro thought she was a troll.

 

Warlocke, you are my hero.

 

Apparently someone agrees, since she was banned.

I do try (but was it the picture, the post itself, or both).

 

I'd say it was both, plus the invertebrate dig.

What little we know of Daphne is even less stringently adhered to: given that Draco marries her younger sister, you'd think she must be the ugly one. Daphne also never made it to NEWT-level Potions, so she may also be less than brilliant.

'Ice Queen' my ass.

 

"Danced the Hempen Jig"

I get that this means the person's been kicked out or whatever, but why hempen jig? What I mean to say is that I don't know what a hempen jig is.

 

They were hung.

 

*hanged

Unless you meant these banhammered ex-members were well-endowed, in which case...

o-0

 

Ah, unfortunate implications, where would we be without you?

Any excuse for a tvtropes link

 

Warlocke, that was an absolutely awesome post. Now I want to write a Harry/Pansy fic. And I can honestly say that's never crossed my mind before as an actual possibility.