Right, that's the second time I've written a massive post for this story, only to have my internet fail again.

As is becoming common in this story, I agree with Sesc. Harry in canon was not the proactive gogetter everyone wants to make him. He went from enthusiastic about magic to just getting by (to please Ron) and just did enough to keep Hermione happy. He didn't take any actual steps against Umbridge despite bitching to McGonnagal, didn't have any plan for his career, and the DA was Hermione's idea. He even died because he was told to. The fact it all turned out okay doesn't change facts.

Here, at least Harry begins to change. He doesn't just take Daphne's crap, but she scores hits with the 'you're a lazy shit' argument. He begins to make his own plans, even if he's amateurish at it (for now) and is beginning to come to terms with how he handles himself affects others. He's improving.

So I like Harry and the Greengrasses. My biggest character gripes are Hermione and Ron, because how they parted ways just feels off. Ron has a jealous streak, but it always comes from his own perceptions of how people treat him and Harry - it's never caused by outside sources (which actually push the two closer together). Even book seven camping schism was because Ron interpreted Harry's intentions wrong, not because he was actually struggling against Voldemort. He felt betrayed, not beaten (even though he was as usual wrong).

Hermione, frankly, I'm even more ill at ease about. The saving grace thus far is that Harry has jumped to defend her against Daphne once actively, and once Daphne questions whether he would protect her if it meant risking Hermione. Leads me to believe that the schism here is much less than that with Ron, and so I'm hoping there is more than meets the eye.

 

Chapter 1 review:

Another Slytherin apologist story. Joy.

Other thoughts: Yes, we are Greengrasses, possessing of 'amazing' business acumen and capable of manipulating the law to fleece muggles, oh! and before we forget we have that Slytherin subtly of kidnapping to get our way.

:sighs:

Edit:

Chapter 2:

Oh, right, this is only the guy who got you to submit to him by threatening to kill your muggle relatives. But, hey! Semi Indy! Training Montage Harry doesn't require things like logic.

Edit 2. Chapter 3.

Harry shows off his scars to Daphne, wakes up to find himself strapped down and being examined. Righteous rage follows but soon all is forgiven about the trust being broken.

Aaaand, bitchy abusive soon to be girlfriend female character arrives in full force in Daphne Greengrass. <-- Familiar much?!

I've invested enough time in this. It is irritating to read these cliches with bent over Harry and the Greengrass family rocking strap ons. Shit, isn't this why the whole indy! genre came into existence in the first place because people wanted Harry to be less of a pussy. How is it interesting to read him being even more submissive with the typical fangirl addon of the 'tough' 'ranting' girlfriend character?

 

Just read chapter one, and I'm not sure if I want to continue. I'll keep going eventually just to see what happens, but the only bright spot in the first chapter was Daphne's characterization. She was fun in a bitchy way, and it's easy to see how a love/hate relationship with Harry could develop.

But Harry's characterization - he really is stupid, incompetent, and stupidly incompetent here. Much more so than canon. This is the kid who stood up to Voldemort and dueled him less than a month before. Here he literally falls on his ass when strangers invade his house. He drops his wand when confronted by the horrors of a sonorus charm. Really?

And then it takes him, what--fifteen minutes, a half-hour?--to even consider the possibility that these strangers might be Death Eaters. He just gives up, sits and watches while they threaten the Dursleys, and then finally looks at their arms. Seriously?

And then there's Harry's belief that all his friends--including Hermione--had abandoned him. Say fucking what? This is post-GoF, and Hermione is the *only* one of his friends who remained steadfastly loyal to him that year, going so far as to teach him new spells and train for each task. For Harry to praise the twins for their loyalty and dismiss Hermione reveals nothing but the fact that the author doesn't like Hermione.

Like I said, I'll read more later, especially given the glowing reviews. It's unfair to judge a story solely on its opening chapter, but damn...

 

Hmm, okay, let's see...

• "Preface" - I don't care for that. Don't ever explain your story. Ever.
• Especially if you haven't even started it yet - don't justify its existence before even starting.
  
• Chapter 1: Harry's characterization seems off to me. Why does he suddenly care about winning the Tournament? Really, he only cared about SURVIVING all that Moody/Crouch/Karkaroff/Parvati mess.
  
• Positives: I like the general writing style, and the descriptive language. Good use of somewhat evocative metaphors. Solid technical ability.
  
• "Ron, Ginny, Hermione... at some point they'd all turned on me." - Uh, no, only Ron did.
  
• I... don't get it. Why were these Greengrasses even able to get to the house? I thought only Voldemort had bypassed the blood protection.
  
• The Greengrass-Harry interactions annoy me. Antagonistic and helpful? Severely threatening and bemused? It's all kind of ... off-putting.
  
• The sudden "Good Slytherins???" really was not so good - very cliched, I think. Harry shouldn't be so stupid. Plus why does he trust them so implicitly? I also don't like how he is "told" he has titles. Yes, yes, it's all very noblesse oblige of them, but come on - you can come up with something more creative than: Suprise, Harry. You are a Lord of Junk and Stuff and Things!
  
• Also, the whole title thing rarely works outside of parody fics, so I'm automatically very skeptical.

Not sure I can read more; it's kind of boring expository writing. Perhaps it improves later on. Perhaps I shall eventually read more. But now I'm leaning towards "Meh".

Sometimes it seems like the Story of Harry And Daphne is always the same:

 

Jeram's point may have been that Harry was being creepy.

 

This.

For a story that's supposedly trying to be believable and keeping Harry in character, it's failing rather spectacularly.

The showing of scars and the fallout, the ease at which Harry seems to accept the Greengrass family's thoughts on selling him out, and the fact that Harry is always in the wrong about everything make this a tasking read.

You're trying to make Harry flawed, I guess. I can respect that. He most certainly is very much that in canon, so I can see where you're coming from. Unfortunately, for me, he's coming off as completely unlikable - a la Sansa Stark.

As a matter of fact, at least Sansa eventually learned when to just stfu and smile.

 

Jeram was showing how an original Harry/Daphne story is told. 5/5 Jeram. Stalking, poisoning Ginny, polyjuicing parvati Harry is now my new favoritie sub.genre.

 

Mediocre, I'd say. I'll give it a 3/5 for now with potential to improve. Points lost for usage of the term "Ice princess" in Daphne's description.

 

First, the point of that little story is what I said:
Sometimes it seems like the Story of Harry And Daphne is always the same

They can be awfully predictable. In terms of AU, I can of course accept that the story is an AU in that it is not canon, obviously, but I have to assume unless told otherwise. Hearing Harry just say throwaway lines about altered motivation and sudden betrayals without "seeing" a difference in the story makes it more like Harry's being schizophrenic or amnesiac.

As for liking the story, I don't hate it, but I don't like it enough to keep reading past the first chapter. It doesn't make it Kinsthrow it away, but it's all kind of too much talk, not enough action for me.

 

Just finished reading the available chapters, and it gets better. The latest chapter, in particular, where Harry and Daphne get drunk and bicker, was excellent. Their relationship is based around combative affection, and I really hope bellera keeps it that way. It's fun to read.

My biggest problem is still with the first chapter, though the valorization of pureblood culture here is a close second. I was gritting my teeth by the time Daphne finished lecturing Harry on Hermione's failures as a witch and the importance of protecting their 'traditions' from people like her. Daphne's analogy with learning French fails on every single level.

Pureblood 'tradition,' here and in all other similar stories, amounts to nothing more than the preservation of Victorian manners and medieval government. That's not an alien culture that muggleborns can't understand - it's one they discarded as outmoded and sometimes barbaric. If purebloods would riot and murder people over electricity in Hogwarts, well...it's probably a good thing if they die out.

Anyway, I'm interested now, and the plot seems like it will really take off soon.

3.5/5 with the potential to go higher

 

I actually like the fact that pureblood culture in canon is so rooted in the past. It was charmingly quaint, and the books would have been less fun if magical culture had been modernized. Think about the opportunities for comedy that would be missed.

It's just that I get mildly irritated when that antiquated culture is held up for praise so one-sidedly in fanfic; there were many places in Daphne's argument where Harry could have poked holes in her self-righteousness, but he was either too stupid or too cowed to do so.

I think that's a good analogy for a muggleborn's first year in the culture, but not thereafter. The trouble is that they aren't just guests in someone else's home. They are home, in the sense that they, just like the purebloods, possess magic. It's an inherent part of who they are. Why should they have to choose between leaving magic behind and learning how to live as if the past 200+ years never existed?

It must be like entering a time warp for first-year muggleborns. Suddenly they are thrown into a world where power is inherited and arbitrary. Their family name and their blood counts for more than their skills, and there are things like marriage contracts still around.

If you toss in the discrimination against them in school, employment, and government, plus the fact that some people literally want them dead...you can see why simply nodding politely and adapting would be all but impossible except for the meekest of people. It would be incredibly hard not to want to make magical society more modern.

Anyway, it's not a story-killer, and I can appreciate the pureblood perspective on such things. That's just the way they've always done things. But, to quote you, that doesn't make it right.

 

I'm a big fan of this. Mostly because every story like this is terrible. Belleradh is good enough to make it reasonable and not sicken me with shit characterisation. I find myself actually interested in it. I can't think of a single flaw (unless you count the overload of detail in the lordship stuff). 4.5/5

 

I liked it simply because the POV builds suspense. Something that is frankly lacking in at least 95% of fanfiction. Is it a little cliched? Yes, a bit. Is Harry reacting very differently than canon Harry would? Yes. But I honestly don't mind a little OOC and cliche as long as the writer is telling me a good story, and it is refreshing to have a Harry who is different from the usual portrayal of both canon and fanon Harry. It makes him less predictable, especially to someone who has been reading HP fanfiction obsessively for something like six years, which makes the plot less obvious (which again helps build suspense). It works for me. 4/5.

 

Are you kidding? Do you lack any sense of self preservation? If I were to live for seven years around people who discriminated/hated/wanted me death, I sure as hell would nod politely to get my ass out of the fire line.

The fact that I would be plotting a revolution behind the scenes is completely irrelevant.

Wanting to change anything/ Trying to force people to go along with your ideals are different things. DE's wanted muggleborns dead, not giving a shit about the ones capable to adapting. Hermione wanted the house elfs free, not giving a shit about whether they wanted it or not.

You wanna make a big change in the world? Play by everyone else's rules until you've seized enough power to actually change something, big changes do not happen overnight.

/rant that came out of nowhere.

I still enjoy this story, and look foward for moar.

edit: I agree with the post above.

 

Same thing to NightSpy: Are you kidding?

Do you really believe the overwhelming majority of 11yo, when bullied and looked down upon, would have the forethought to hide their motive and plan a revolution from behind? No, when you are *there*, and constantly made fun of, you fight back, or your confidence crumble and you begin to get truly weak and scared.

And if you begin a 'revolution' in people's back, it's even worse, as your position mentally force you to become a crazed fanatic.

And Hermione's position about House-elves get criticized by pretty much everyone, and it's true she was silly in her lack of understanding in how to get about it. However, it is worth noting that things like house elves aren't studied, friend of Hermione didn't tell ehr anything (even harry just assumed that it was better if he didn't tell ehr about the hats) and so on.

It's not easy to make rational decision when everyone else around you aren't rational and look like fanatics.

Hell, the "House-elves don't want to be freed" doesn't work, whatever fanon says. We have seen three names houselves in the books, and two of them agreed to freedom.

It is a historical fact that people who are sued to something go along as 'tradition' and 'peer pressure' is hard. White Slavers did say, too, that black selves were happy that way. Didn't mean they really were, or couldn't be happier otherwise, or that it is *right*.

Sure, it's easy to say 'this is a different environment' and so on. It is, however, just a way to excuse the fact you don't care.

 

I can't believe I am saying this, but I wish old DLP was back. This place was about standards. When definitions of "realism," "good characterization," and "newness" have come to be linked to this, might as well be a forum on ff.net.

Edit: eh, I'm just salty because I didn't realize how much a fanboy Sesc was for this pairing. If I'd known that I'd have been prepared walking into this that the story recommendation was about the pairing.

(/raining on your parade)

 

The bit about the revolution was suposed to be a joke, and the house elves was there to make a point. You will find that in a world ruled by a selected few, those that get too noisy tend to suffer accidents and disappear.

Oh, and while I'm not pro-slavery in any way, you will find that what the slaves think does not matter at all. Slavery was not abolished because people were nice, but because a new set of ideals were coming up, and it was not advantageous to keep it going any longer.