Title: Stchorlei
Author: Amsuhl
Rating: K+
Genre: Fantasy/Action/Adventure
DLP Category: Independent Harry
Pairing: H/G
Status: WIP
Summary: Prophecied to bring victory to the side he chose in the war, Harry Potter was kidnapped at a young age by one of the legendary Stchorlei assassins and is raised as one. Later, he reemerges into the world as one of Stchorlei's top graduates... HPGW later..
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3342493/1/
French Translation: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3580232/1/Stchorlei

Note: Manipulative!Dumbledore

This story sounds very cliche when first reading the summary. However, believe me, it's written far better than what you're expecting. The best part is its writing style. The author is very skilled at writing, and one of the best parts of the story is its tension.

It's more of a drama type story. There's not that much action - it reminds me of theJackofDiamonds and his story.

Harry's characterization is very well done as a detached, somewhat arrogant person who just wants peace. His power is well-done: he's powerful - far more than the students at Hogwarts - but not as much as the teachers. Actually, this is probably one of the only active fics that sets Harry in Hogwarts nowadays.

Another great part is the romance. There is none, which is why I love it. Harry's has yet to feel any attraction at all to Ginny, and his first date with her is an accident.

The author also has a plot, according to her author's comments. Actually, those comments are amazing. Apparently, the author is a 12 year old. And she's writing this! All I know is that when I was 12, my writing sucked balls - I wrote a book for a school project, and I cringe whenever I read it again. She's either a genius or a liar.

A great weakness I see is her battle scenes. The only one I saw was pathetic - there was one sentence of action, and the rest was just them running away.

Another one is the length. 90,000 words in, and in truth barely anything has happened. I do credit the author for skipping past Harry's training in a rush - many authors abandon their stories before even getting past that.

Apparently, the author's been on DLP - although I'm not sure if she's a member here.

So, as a rating, 4.25/5. A decent fic.

I'm not sure it'll get into the library due to the cliches and the H/G, but I think that it deserves to be in there. They're done alright, and the writing overcomes it.


Edit by Minion, September 17, 2014
Dead link is dead. If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.
Added the link of a French translation.

 

I started reading and almost stopped--the description of the hierarchy is poorly done in a sense of tact; it's not worked into the story at all, and had the next few lines not sounded somewhat intelligent, I would have stopped reading. As is, I'm on the fence. I'll make some more remarks when I've read more.

EDIT: Another 'Wands-limit-a-wizard's-true-potential-so-we-train-you-to-use-wandless-magic' story. I'm gonna keep reading it (cuz I have nothing better to do), but I'm giving it a 2.5/5.

 

Read this a while back, and quite frankly if I were to post it here, it would be in the Unreccomended Fiction thread, at the barely readable end of the scale.

 

Hmm... Well, I found it pretty boring.

It annoys the hell out of me, the way she has characterized the assassins. It seems to me like she can't really make up her mind whether they should be hard core and without morals, or of the more redeemable kind.

It's pretty good when you take her age into consideration, no one starts an expert, but then again, it doesn't make me like the fic more. 2.5/5

 

Wow. This story is really amazingly lame. It's so boring. I just nearly went back to sleep skimming through it.

 

Considering the age, this is very impressive.

Not considering the age, this fic blows donkey balls. The attitudes of the characters the painfully cliched "assassins are evil!" idiot!Sirius, "Woe is me, my godfather hates me and doesn't know me" immature!Harry, and "I shall hire assassins by stealing all of Harry Potter's money!" manipulative!Dumbledore are so hollow and paint by numbers in their development that I couldn't read further.

Hands down the best twelve-year old's fanfic I've read in a while. If I were twelve, this would probably be fan-fucking-tastic.

But I'm not twelve. And there's nothing worth recommending in this one. 2/5 for me.

 

I enjoyed this and it is on my alert list - but then lots of stuff is...
I agree though with Kate, that the author needs to decide whether assasins are irredeemable or not. It all seems a little confused at the moment.
I was going to post this a while ago, but thought that because of the GW factor I'd get killed. Nothing concerning has happened so far if you do fancy reading it.
It's not brilliant, but it certainly is better than a large amount of the other fics I've read recently.

3.5/5

 

Best line in the story.

2/5

 

Until now I quite like it. True, the pace is slow and Harry's characterisation is a bit shifty... (meaning he tries to be bad ass assassin and can't do it because he thinks that his parents could disapprove )

It has quite some conflict in it with everybody trying to influence everybody. But it also has the normal fanon characterisation of Dumbledore as manipulative, Ron, Sirius and Hermione. Eventually Ginny could become more interesting with her "slytherin" insights and the comparison of Harry to Tom Riddle.

As it is two o'clock in the morning I'll shut up now.

But this gets a 3.5 for now

 

Well, the beginning of the story wasn't so bad (although I still don't know how they train 5-12 years old in almost everything reaching master's level)

Great line indeed

However from chapter 6 it's rapidly getting worse and worse.

Come on, all this mantra of "I am an assassin, death comes to all and I sometimes help him do his job" and a few paragraphs later having some doubts (not to mention that Harry has no reason to have any... all in all he was raised and trained to be an assassin, it's his life. From the way the story is written I guess that he even enjoys it...)

Don't forget about all the going-to-Hogwart business or Sirius-being-his-godfather...

The author needs to set his (or rather his characters) priorities straight...

I'd give this story a 2/5
Taking into consideration that the author is supposed to be 12 I'll give 2,5/5

Still I gave up after chapter 10, it's just too... lame.. annoying due to the lack of direction/decision... whatever.. read only if you REALLY have nothing better to do.

 

I'm on chapter twelve and this has gotta be a god damn feat because I have never seen an Assassin!Harry fic where he doesn't kill someone within 4 chapters.... and its now chapter 12 without Harry killing anyone or for that matter, nobody dying... and this fails. Assassin's are supposed to kill.... not whine like little bitches and never bite back.

Oh can I forget that this fic seems to never shut up with Harry hating everyone yet secretly wanting to like them?

The final kicker though is we haven't really seen much of Harry's training. Basically... we have no idea what the hell he can really do cause he hasn't done much of anything.

Yeah, this belongs in the trash bin with a solid 3/5.

Its readable if you have nothing better to do.

PS: If you say Necro, I say story thread.

 

I was impressed with the fact this was written by a 12 year old... a KOREAN 12 year-old.

Shit they teach English better over there than here in America, it seems.

+1 for age/fact it's second language fic (I didn't even know it was until I read the author's bio)
+1 for pretty decent Harry, he's not a pussy anyway
-1 for Harry/Ginny (although, so far, the relationship has been handled fairly well, I actually don't mind it that much)
-1 for flat characters (Harry is developed a little, but everybody else is predictable and boring)
+0 for Stchorlei - it's not stupid or ridiculous, like you'd expect from a preteen, but, it's not brilliant or noteworthy, either. Rather simplistic, too.

Average. 3.25~/5.

 

*Reads the new summary*

I was about to slam this with a score of 1/5, but thanks to the summary, she gets a 3/5 from me now!

 

She has a great sense of humor.

 

Lol. I enjoyed this fic. It was different from what we usually get. The only point I have is that Harry seems to be an angsty assassin. And he has a problem killing people. Isn't that an assassin's job???

Anyway for a work of fiction done by a non-English speaking 12 yr old this is a hell of a fic. But the story seems to be heading for a 'we all live happily ever after' theme so thats kindda brings it down.

3.5/5

 

I'll read whatever she produces in a couple of years. It's bound to be good.

 

Actually, she's thirteen, now. Her profile says she was born in 1994.
Maybe a 2.5/5 story, or 2/5. Hellishly boring, although her new summary is... (grins) I keep wondering, though, why some foreign writers have better grammar and spelling than a lot of Americans. At least her grammar is pretty good, and although she stumbles sometimes on her spelling, it's passable.
Yep, I agree- she does show some potential. I've read her previous long story, which some girl I can't remember the id of adopted, and it was rushed, and it stank. She's actually improved in Stchorlei, hard as it is to believe...