1. Hey Guest, welcome back to DLP

    As you can see, we've changed our look. We've migrated from vBulletin to the Xenforo forum system. There may be issues or missing functionality, if you find anything or have feedback, please check out the new Xenforo Migration Feedback forum.

    Our dark ("Dark Lord Potter") theme is under heavy development. We also have a light ("Light Lord Potter") theme for those happier with a light background and darker text.

    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Please be courteous to staff and post NEW threads for NEW Issues, instead of posting them in threads that are not related to said issue.

[WIP] Still I Rise by undsy1525 - PG-13

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by undsy1525, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    2,553
    Location:
    Music City
    I should let this thread die; I'll admit I have little to add, and I don't read DM/HG under any circumstances, let alone when I haven't caught up with the WBA here in, oh, a few months. So I'm not piling on - honest. As Vash points out, the OP has weathered the storm better than probably 90 percent of those coming here looking for praise, etc.

    Still, I thought this was funny, and I do hope it was intentional --

    If so, well played, madam. Well played.

    Don't wait. Post your story (or stories) in the WBA for truly honest critiques and advice. Just, well, don't say we didn't warn you if what you post is more DM/HG or similar. That's pretty much blood in the water or whatever metaphor will spark a mental image of being torn apart by a pack of dingos.

    Since you're purported to be a female from Arkansas, let me surmise you're white. Picture, then, you and your bestest friend have gone to L.A. only to get lost and have your truck break down in what's colloquially known in AR as 'the ghetto.' You and she are now surrounded by a dozen or so large, muscular, white-girl-lovin', afro'd black men and their booti-licious, whitey-hating significant others. I hope that gives you a sense of the ramifications, from an Arkansas perspective, of posting DM/HG in the WBA.

    Welcome, though. In all seriousness, post your stuff and you'll be improving quicker than you can say 'START THE TRUCK, RHONDA!'
     
  2. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Order Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2011
    Messages:
    886
    Location:
    New Jersey
    thumps up for metaphors.

    Specifically the dingo one.:colbert:
     
  3. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,930
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    ... I ... What did I just read? I don't even... I haven't the faintest idea if that's relevant or not, so I will leave you with something that is both relevant and irrelevant.

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Kyouzou

    Kyouzou First Year

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2011
    Messages:
    45
    Location:
    Richmond, Virginia
    I may have missed someone pointing this out, but just in case:

    Unless you intended to use AU, that is completely wrong, Diagon and Knockturn are both in London, where as Hogsmeade is in Scotland, just down the road from Hogwarts. Perhaps you meant the Leaky Cauldron?

    Other than that, and some overt punctuation, spelling errors it's not a bad idea, personally I don't really like it, but that's more out of preference than quality. Good luck improving it.
     
  5. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2006
    Messages:
    1,884
    Location:
    Texas
    My biggest gripe with this is that anyone could think that Hermione might be willing to date Draco after the events in the last book. They were just on opposite sides of a war. She was tortured in his house. Frankly, I don't really understand why the Malfoys weren't arrested after Voldemort died.
     
  6. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,784
    Location:
    California
    Probably because Harry's a sissy and stopped him being arrested? According to DD: "He didn't do anything", which is bullshit. He should of been killed for treason (allowing DE's into the school).
     
  7. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2011
    Messages:
    2,144
    Location:
    Behind You
    Lolwut? Treason is a crime against a country or government, what government was there inside Hogwarts. If anything Harry and co were the ones that committed treason, since they were the ones fighting against the government in DH.
     
  8. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    2,553
    Location:
    Music City
    Luckily, you took care of that treasonous bastard.
     
  9. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,784
    Location:
    California
    Still considered treason. He defected to a terrorist group. He went against his own country (the school's included in this). He was planning on killing DD (who is a governmental official). Though the school is still in Scotland, he had the motive of betraying his own country. Therefore treason = death.

    And my story is absolute crap, lol. I still have it posted as a reminder to other people that I couldn't write for beans. That might've changed recently, but I don't really have an inclination to write anything.
     
Loading...