Title: Strategic Retreat
Author: anolfrik
Rating: T
Genre: Action/Adventure
Status: WIP
Pairings: None for now
Summary: AU through 5th year Harry saw Voldemort reborn and decides to stop being the Gryffindor hero. He takes himself out of the affairs of the war. The tricky part is to do it without anyone noticing. Slytherin!Harry
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2743481/1/

Brand new Independant!Harry story.

The best thing about this story is that it starts off after the 4th year - Harry realizes that freshly reborn Voldemort will be after his arese and decides to give in to his Slytherin tendencies and start training. Another good bit is that not everything is known from the start. For example, this is likely to be Manupulative!Dumbledore, but that is only hinted so far. Quite refreshing approach and understandable, seeing how after GOF, Harry was worshiping the old man.

Bad bits include the almighty penthouse-trunk and Dobby the super best friend. Actually, it feels like too many situations and problems Harry is facing are being resolved by him simply calling for Dobby and letting the house elf deal with them... that's pretty weak and overused plot tool. There are some other clishes and irritating parts too, but nothing as bad as these two.

At the moment, this is only 3 chapters and 11,000 words long, but it has potential to slip either way... I'll be watching it.

 

" train to run" WTF?!
The only thing different from typical indie!Harry story is that this is post GoF.

That doesn't sound good, actually I think its "The Office" good kind of paragraph:
Dobby’s eyes bulged. Yes, Harry, Dobby can try find strange magic in Harry. Harry must undress and lay down on bed.” Harry ripped his clothes off on his way into the bedroom, by now his heart was racing. He lay down on the bed and looked at Dobby expectantly.

“Dobby must calm Harry.” With that Harry knew no more. When he awoke, he was in his bed under his covers and Dobby was looking straight at him.

 

I've found that a lot of post-GoF stories entirely ignore Sirius. Even MRiddler's story does that, although it doesn't really matter, since the way the story is headed leaves very little need for Sirius at all.

 

Yea sirius is ignored way too much..
In this story it seems like h/dobby are butt buddies, lots of easy grammar and spelling errors, stupid slow down time thing, and weird big ass trunk. It sounds like everyother story every written. Why couldn't harry go with sirius to train?

 

omfg i'm getting Sick from this story. The first and the second Chapter were ok, i and an friend had a lot to laugh, but the third is making me sick especially:

Are they a couple, or is Harry the Master of Dobby, or is Dobby a whore...

OK if the Admins of FF.net started a poll about deleting this story i'd say YES

 

Read the quote on my earlier post. It's very weird relationship.

 

Meh, I've seen worse... He IS going overboard with that whole Dobby<heart>Harry shit, but it has not been taken further than in a bunch of other fics... at least not yet.

 

I dunno...it's almost as if this will turn into a Harry/Dobby fic.

Sure, it's an Indepndant!Harry fic, but it looks like it will fall into a load of cliches. He already has the trunk and the helpful!Dobby, i'm just waiting for griphook to show up as well as the Basilisk Wand.

I doubt i'll continue reading it if the next few chapters aren't interesting.

 

I`ve just finished reading the fic. It has the potential to be good if the author find a better way for harry to deal with his problems instead of asking Dobby.
I think the author still has not brought out harry`s slytherin side properly, because it still seems that harry is still relying on instinct instead of good planning. :| [/quote]

 

comments from the author

thank you for your comments to my fic

My explanations are thus:

Harry was a golden boy for a long time in his young life. How can he be a Slytherin from one day to another, even if he tried? You need experience for that. He is 14/15 for heavens sake! How can he be Slytherin, the only king of social skill he has to this date is in running from Dudley, hiding/underestimating his potential and the blind Gryffindor way of judging people. He doesn't know whom to be wary of. On one level he distrusts everything that he was shown so far but he isnt yet in the state of mind to dig for answers.
I am trying to develop a Character, not somebody that grows up in 2 weeks and kicks ass afterwards, nor is it reallistic to confront all the manipulations. I for myself can say that sometimes even if you are shown the hardships of the real world there is only so much you really see. So he will not be bombarded with that stuff at once, he will deal with it in his own time, as every human would.

A word to the Sirius topic:
Harry had no reliable contact to Sirius. Sirius is not the adult to trust with Harrys uncertainties, first, Sirius is rash and runs off without consuting anybody, rightious git that he is, he is a fool that acts befor thinking and he has real problems with everything Slytherin. Then how would Harry know when to trust a wanna-be-parent if he never experienced one except the weasley banshee, who gives him a cookie and sends him to bed?
Sirius is an older ron for me, and I cant stand these bigotted morons and rightious Gryffindor fools.

The kickass topic:
If you are waiting for kickass Harry and battles, dont wait. This is no warrior Harry, he will grow to be cunning, sly and ambitious. Maybe you put the fic in a wrong category, then. Harry will deal with the stuff the Slytherin way, not run with a sword and mame DEs.


The Dobby problem:
All that Harry learnt so far is rather useless in a real world, as you see. What did he learn so far at Hogwarts? how should he know what to do when he is alone? Run for help to the knowitall who tells him he shouldnt do anything but cry to the old coot? So Dobby is the most trustworty and the onlyone where he doenst has to secondguess everything. But Dobby ist still a pathetic houself with no real personality. Harry will learn to not rely on Dobby. But what a glorious thing to do everything alone. I allready told you, harry will be sly and cunning and no proud and rightious Gryffindor. He takes what he gets. (I allways wondered if the canon Dobby wouldnt service harry in any way he could.

Summary:
No kickass Harry
No emotionally unstable superHarry
No Lets-be-Marauders-and-prank-Snape Harry
Will be Slytherin-Harry

 

Append this to the authors comment

For the resorting stuff: a large part of the fic will be timetravel, I was ponering how much to reveal the whole time, but as you have a timetravel category here, maybe it shoul go there.

 

Well, sure...but i can't help but find some odd parts to what you mentioned.

First: Harry being a Golden boy for most of his life? I dunno about that. Until he was 11, he lived in a cupboard, ostensibly (since JK is obviously loathe to mention how he was beaten) knowing that if he was to fuck up, then he would get beaten. I would assume, that no matter how naive someone is, you learn quick that if you aren't prompt and quick about things, then you get beaten.

I'd think that the first ten years of his life would cultivate a lot of Slytherin qualities in him. He would have to be sly and cunning to twist his way out of punishment, unless he is a glutton for punishment, and he tries to be brash and brave like a Gryfifndor. That would just get him beaten like there was no tomorrow.

I'd guess that he knows exactly who to distrust...the Dursleys. Sure, growing up in 2 weeks is disgustingly cliche and unlikely, but one would think that after living such a hard life, he would already have matured. The only thing i realistically see Harry being immature about is relationships, and that too gets overdone when he blushes when anyone smiles.

Second: Sirius- In Harry's position, Sirius is the only one he can trust. Dumbles fucked him over, Ron's useless and Hermione keeps nagging. Ginny, of course, isn't even worth mentioning.

He has a godfather who went through 12 years of hell on earth, and lived most of this last year eating out of trashcans just to be near him. I would trust him.

Where do you see Sirius being an older Ron? Sure, he's impulsive...but we only see that in the Shrieking shack. On the floo, he was mature and quite thoughtful. In the shack, it was understandable. I mean, he escaped from prison, and finally seeing the person who condemned you to hell would make anyone at least a bit emotionally driven.

Third: I'm fine with no Kickass!Harry, as long as we actually see some independance from him. All he's done so far is:

"Tee-hee, lookie here! I'm doing things right under Dumbledore's nose...AND HE DOESN'T KNOW!!!"

I guess it goes along with the Dobby thing...he needs to do things on his own. You mentioned that he would see that Dobby only has limited use, and that sounds great.

Now, in no way do i mean this to be a flame...the aforementioned is simply my opinion, and you are entitled to yours, even more since it's your fic.

If you say that you'll have what you mentioned at the bottom, then good luck, and i hope to read your next chapters. As you outlined it, it sounds like it certainly can get good.

 

Ohhhh! tought debates groing on. to me both of you are right. i read a fiction where they portraid sirus as a nothing more of a shell of a human that was forced to stay life of hell. and that the only thing he has left to live for is harry. a very good story.

 

HAHAHAHAAHA...you wrote groin!

sorry. i decided to skip class and go to sleep. i've been up for only 34 hours now. I love pulling all nighters that last three nights! *sarcasm*

 

My impression was pretty much what IP said. Pretty good, but wasn't too humored by the H/Dobby. Not sure if you meant to be funny or what but that was pretty mehe... Other wise, it's pretty good. All of the character interactions look very sound to me.

Now as for Sirius, everyone has a different opinion I guess. Personally, I'm pretty sympathetic to the old mutt. And btw I haven't thrown him away in my story. I just put all of the other characters aside while I deal with the veela. Sirius should be in at some point, though I'm not sure what kind of role he'll play.

 

Re: comments from the author

I have no problem with Harry's character so far. I think his current mind-frame is OK for a canon character a week after GOF.

I also think that his desire to hide and lay low throught the war is the most interesting aspect of this story. Most of the people here forgot that he still doesn't know about the prophecy. This is post-GOF, not post-OOTP, remember?

That's why I recomended this story here... sure, there are some clishes, but the very layout of this story is bound to lead it to some fresh waters... unless the author screws it up completely .

I would have to disagree with you there.

I think that Sirius is more alike to Harry than Ron.
Remember, he's also raised by his mother to be a perfect Slytherin.
But then he rebelled against her authority, went after James and tried to push down his Slytherin tendencies and act lika a perfect little Gryffindor... just like Harry did.
If you think about it, his plan to play misdirection with Voldemort was rather Slytherin in it's nature...

Well, anyway, his character can go either way, but I don't think you should forget his sacrifices from the 4th year. Harry would definitely hold him in high regards at this point.

I 100% agree with this. That's what I'm trying to do with my story too.

Without the prophecy to push him after Volemort, there's no single reason for Harry to do anything at the sight of DE's, other than RUN LIKE HELL.

My problem with this is that Dobby for some reason can do EVERYTHING that Harry needs.

His usual job is to cook meals, clean floors, do laundry etc...

Why the hell would he then know how to:
- Pop around carrying wizards (I think you used this somewhere)
- Detect binding spells on wizards
- Shrink and copy books
- do any other thing you had him do.

Also, Harry's relationship with Dobby is too pussy-like for my liking. If you're really trying to build a Slytherin character, Harry should just accept Dobby for an obidient slave that he is and try to make the best out of that situation. He seems awfully Gryffindor with all this "you're my friend" "please call me Harry" etc.. bulshit.

 

Dobby

Harry is still awfully Gryffindor at this point. It would be too hard a change to make so fast.
One of the strongest of Harrys personality traits through canon is that he tries to be friendly to everybody until he is somehow offended or rejected. I think it is the whole "I didnt have friends before and I crave for them" thing.
It is annoying like hell, but it is what has to change as well. And Dobby is so pathetic that it would be a hard change to make for Harry. He needs time.

The things Dobby does for Harry:
I think that just because they only clean and cook in a traditional environment doesnt mean that that is the only thing they can do. House elves in my understanding are magically very strong. Think about the bludger or the Malfoy cracking in CS. They can do anything (if they want) by twiching a finger. They are just so pathetic that they dont use their powers. But maybe thats a topic for a whole new debate and probably doesn't belong here. But my Dobby is mentally pathetic and magically strong.

 

Re: comments from the author

Just because he is becoming more Ambitious/Cunning/Independent (Slytherin as an adjective pisses me off). This doesn't mean he has to turn into a twat. You can still have friends and be a nice person whilst still having the above traits. I'd personally hate someone calling me master or by my surname etc. Personally I'd find dobby exceptionally annoying anyway but if I felt so desperate that I needed him around I'd get him to call me by my name.

I really like the way this story is going, even if it's not the best writing in the world and is slightly rushed. Keep it up and I'll be interested to see where it goes.

Where are you planning on having him time travel to? Founders? Marauders? Other? Or Cyclic (e.g Power of Time) If you make it Marauders I'll probably stop reading and Founders is always touch and go.

 

Timetravel

I'll send him to the founders timeframe, but not to train or such rubbish, just to grow up and get a personality.

 

If you don't involve the Founders at all, this could prove to be really interesting.

If he just hangs around in the background, learning arcane magic, chillin' with the bitches of the time (who, of ocurse, might find him hot and go so far as to flash an ankle! *gasps*) and make a bit of money that he then invests, and a 1000 years later it's a fortune.

Hmmm...a lot of people make the mistake of thinking that Hogwarts was created 500 years ago. Didn't the Sorting Hat's first song say that it was a thousand?