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Complete Team 7's Ascension by Eilyfe -T- Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Pasta Sentient, Jan 31, 2014.

  1. Necrule Paen

    Necrule Paen DLP Elite DLP Supporter

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    He told Shikamaru about protecting Hinata but not from Neji and that is the sensitive information here.

    Naruto is just utilizing some assets for his mission.
     
  2. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    New update, and it was pretty good. Kakashi in this if is starting to become my favorite Kakashi by far. He failed at fooling the general but the way he left and his plan for confusing the pursuit teams is pretty good. I'm hoping the author throws some wrench in his plans though, to add some excitement. Start of the Chunin exams was good, and I like the different direction that was taken for the first exam. I'm hoping the second ends up being exciting as well.
     
  3. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    Looks like the author is back on a regular update schedule. The past two chapters have been easily in my top versions of the Chuunin Exam. I think the author is really hitting their stride.
     
  4. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Yea this Chunin exam has turned out really well so far. Team 7 showed that they are a combat team well so far. The 6 v. 3 fight was really well done too. I can't wait to see what team 10 has been up to.
     
  5. Nazgus

    Nazgus Headmaster

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    Naruto says that in the night Shikamaru's abilities won't work, but isn't night just one endless shadow (discounting artificial light)? Wouldn't a Nara be arguably even stronger at night?
     
  6. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    Honestly I feel this can go either way because it's not really clarified in canon. That said, I justify it this way. Naras seem to have medium chakra reserves or even low. It takes chakra to manipulate the shadows. While night is technically the shadow of the moon it would take a fuckton of chakra to manipulate that huge ass shadow.
     
  7. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    I liked the espionage and beginning of the Chuunin exams, I didn't like the Forest of Death part. Naruto is not an apathetic killer. That is a core part of who he is. Changing that means that Naruto is now a complete OC, which is not what I want to read. I'm OK with Naruto killing as long as it's required or if they guy deserves it, but he knows it's not required in the Chuunin exams. All of them could have handled their opponents without killing them -- they chose to kill them because the author is on a grimdark schtick. The people he killed were weak and unimportant. This isn't wartime, and they killed shinobi of a village that's allied to them because that was the easy way out.

    It isn't Naruto. It just disappoints me. I don't mind gritty stories, but there's a limit to what you can do to a characters innermost self before he isn't even recognizable to what the canon character is. A character who kills enemies indiscriminately is different from a character who kills enemies only when necessary or to prevent other deaths. The "Will of Fire" may be somewhat cheesy, but it's an element of Naruto that shouldn't be taken away completely.
     
  8. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    I can understand where you are coming from and agree for the most part. However when I go into a fanfiction that becomes dramatically AU as this one is, I try to just leave all my Canon preconceptions at the door. I treat it as its own work if you will. Which is what to enjoy a story like this people would need to do. Based on this Naruto's character growth, it didn't seem that far out of left field to me.

    That said, I'm probably kind of biased because I hate Canon!Naruto and the whole notion that Naruto can become one of the most freaking powerful ninja and never even kill someone with his own hands. I cannot really think of one character Naruto has actually legitimately killed in canon. It breaks immersion from me and reminds me this world is not realistic.
     
  9. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, I agree that the concept of NO killing is stupid, but this concept of killing everyone who opposes you is just as stupid. This Naruto would kill Gaara without a second thought, and where would that lead them 3 years down the road without Gaara as Kazekage? He became one of Naruto's greatest friends because Naruto wasn't an emotionless asshole.

    The best fanfic is the one that can take the canon character and make him better without getting rid of his essential self. That's hard to do. What's easy to do is to start from scratch, Naruto's "mask", for instance.

    What about this Naruto is even remotely similar to canon Naruto? He's always serious, he's killing people left and right, and he's not even a wind user. He's not a goofball, he doesn't pull pranks, he doesn't joke around with people. He's just a slightly more affable Sasuke, basically.
     
  10. Himuradono

    Himuradono Professor

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    I'd say that chances of Gaara being cast in antagonistic role here are pretty high.

    This is from chapter 5, where Sakura ruminates about her family(the middle of the chapter):
    Sounds familiar? People suddenly dying in Suna? Hmm, smacks of little Gaara. We'll just have to wait and see but I think Gaara will be cast here in a unfavorable light. I wouldn't be surprised if Gaara kicked the bucket in this one.
     
  11. Jazerus

    Jazerus First Year

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    It seems likely to me that Naruto is going to lose some of his emotionless brutal edge soon - his level of callousness is probably going to escalate throughout the Second Exam and he will reach a breaking point. Many stories that feature this kind of Naruto have him lighten up during his training with Jiraiya before the tournament and it seems to fit the pacing of this story and Team 7's development.
     
  12. Ayreon

    Ayreon Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    It's so grim now, it isn't even realistic anymore.
    This is supposed to be an exam, not the Hunger Games.

    The exam has become a total meat-grinder, a bloodbath. I'd be surprised if more than a third of the teams make it out alive from what we've seen so far. Either this exam is very unusual, or no village would send their promising young shinobi to such an event. The attrition rate is far too high.

    It's also possible that Konoha are the bad guys. The one crazy village with teams that murder everyone they come across. All the other teams are completely freaked out about it. I'd be pleasantly surprised if that turned out to be the case, but I find it unlikely.
     
  13. Stokbrood

    Stokbrood First Year

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  14. Nazgus

    Nazgus Headmaster

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    The chapter had Naruto realize the pit he's fallen into about the way he feels about killing, so hopefully there will be some form of development there soon.
     
  15. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    Woa...this last chapter was intense and incredibly amazing. I loved the interactions between Shino, Sasuke, and Ino but the best part to me was Kakashi's segments. The Sarutobi family was pretty neat to watch as well.

    Also it's really nice to see the reasoning for why the exam has become a bloodbath. It's a strategic decision to protect Konoha assets in the coming war.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2014
  16. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Indeed, a great chapter, though...

    Poor Kakashi.
     
  17. Eilyfe

    Eilyfe Headmaster

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    Thank you for all the critique and praise. So far, both has helped me tremendously in writing this story - the former to improve, and the latter to keep me motivated.

    Some of the critique was invaluable, especially concerning my overly Team 7 centric focus. I tried to change that after the Wave arc, and will do my best to further explore the side characters to give them more depth in the future. Anyhow, back in 2012 when I started publishing my first chapters on FFN, I never imagined how much there is to learn about writing. I do believe that this forum will help me get better over time; it's a shame that I only registered now...

    My biggest problem at the moment is my impatience though... small things like missing letters / your-you're / knew-new (pointed out by Republic) happen mostly when I write fast and don't edit the chapter once I'm done. Silly, I know. I'm a review whore though, and in most cases overeager to get many different opinions as quickly as possible (however low the turnout rate for actually meaningful reviews might be on FFN).

    Cheers,
    Eilyfe

    Ps: :fire This smiley is seriously awesome.

    PsĀ²: @Pasta Sentient: I changed the rating from T to M on FFN. Don't know if that's important, but maybe you want to change the thread title.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2014
  18. Nazgus

    Nazgus Headmaster

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    Glad to have you here Eilyfe!

    If what you want is lots of opinions quickly but still want to get some editing in, I recommend opening a thread in the Work by Author section. It's a great way to get good feedback in before you post the final chapter to FF.net, and has plenty of people who are great at pointing out those little things that get past the author when writing in a rush.
     
  19. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    What Fogo said. The WbA section is a great place to have everyone beta and bounce ideas off of.

    Great to have you here though, big fan of the fic.
     
  20. TheStarTiger

    TheStarTiger Squib

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