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Abandoned Temptations of a Dark Soul by Amerision - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Dark Syaoran, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

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    i like the spells you made up, and the dueling scene is written well. good chapter, i am curious about what harry will do next, now that he has nothing to do.
     
  2. Runeknight

    Runeknight Second Year

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    Auckland, New Zealand
    Very, nice update. A good healthy length and interesting to read. 5/5

    Syaoran: Crash Bandicoot is good. I've got it on my GBA and on my PS2. :)
     
  3. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    Thanks for the great reception of the newest chapter.

    However, I need some serious critical advice before I go on. Are there any parts of the entire story, storyline, or any single chapter that you feel are subpar?

    Why? How do you think I may be able to fix it?

    Is there anything you feel should be left out, added upon, or changed to make the story flow/read better?

    I feel especially insecure about the first chapter, which has remained largely unchanged. It's my first fanfic, so it's not exactly my best work.

    All thoughts are welcome.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2007
  4. Roborant

    Roborant Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I am really gutted actually that you abolished the noir atmosphere you had going on the first time.

    However I think that completing the fic this way could be jst as interesting, if not more.

    Qualms maybe about first chapter, but enjojed the latest one greatly.

    5/5
     
  5. DoWnEr

    DoWnEr Second Year

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
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    74
    Wow. I very original twist on a classic Dark Potter idea.

    Gotta say the scenes with the Dursely's had me laughing so hard i think my neighbors think i smoke weed. That whole baking soda and lemon juice thing was beautiful. Although i don't know why they'd rape a woman that looked like a horse. Oh well... to each his own i guess.

    Harry seriously needs to get laid. Other than another mans leavings though. I would think the Voldermort part of him would recoil at getting sloppy hundreds at the least with that whorish redhead. But then again maybe Harry's teenage hormones would allow him to screw a pussy as wide as a railroad tunnel.

    Maybe he should start focusing on learning Mind Magic either by himself are using his other persona so he can learn how to merge with the other entity or at least learn to call it to him whenever he wants.

    Hope to see more soon.
     
  6. Bittersweet

    Bittersweet Groundskeeper

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    I think I've read a Harry inherits Voldemort's memories and that pushes him towards the dark before, but that was a long time ago. Either way, the story and style are simply brilliant. The duelling scene was brilliant, in the dark/independent Harry genres we often see Harry getting superpowered, (something I myself am guilty of, and I'm trying desperately to remove it entirely) so it was a nice change to see Harry get his ass whooped, but still coem out on top.
    5/5
     
  7. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Amazingly done, though I'm usually not one for a dark arts story like this. More independent Harry, see. Thing is, I love myself a good battle scene and this author is amazing at them. Most just go: "Oblitero" "Reducto" "Illkay" "Avada Kedavra"

    The true bull shit.

    The whole plot design was well done, enough so that I would give you my best golfers clap if we met face to face. Again, nicely done. 4.5/5
     
  8. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    Any criticism?

    The praise is nice and all, but I really want a critic to point out what they find bothersome, wrong, or just plain stupid.
     
  9. Marie M

    Marie M Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2007
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    349
    I loved it as I already said in the review, only thing that I don't like is slow updates.
    But anyway, I rate it 5/5
     
  10. Azrael's Little Helper

    Azrael's Little Helper High Inquisitor

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    Finally updated, and no sheep involved either, I'm intrigued. Not as enrapturing as previous chapter, coming off the high of a brutal pitfight but having 'Dung as the mentor figure can only spell a most unorthodox, unscrupulous and brilliantly opportunistic Harry. Good show. Hope you feature some hookers in the next update.
     
  11. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    This chapter was, in my opinion, far worse than the previous ones, with Dung acting far out of character during the history lessons.

    On the flipside, it had Tinn-Tam as a Beta, who pointed out many errors I'll be avoiding in future updates. I didn't correct them all, as it would have taken a complete rewrite I didn't feel up to doing at the time.

    I'll be going back to earlier chapters and fixing them with Tinn's help as well.
     
  12. SushiZ

    SushiZ Auror

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    Island of Time
    I liked this chapter mainly because Harry realizes that he's not superman and needs other people's help. Your idea for the special fighter team thats been dispatched to get Harry is cool.
    Update Soon!
     
  13. SiriuslyAzn

    SiriuslyAzn Guest

    This is a great story! I'm not the biggest Dark!Harry fan, but I really enjoyed this story!

    Really good beta work, it bugs me when stories have a lot of errors.

    Unique formatting style too, which is a plus.
     
  14. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
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    710
    Hello Amer...here is a review.

    [review] Awesome story. Loved it. Write more. [/review]

    There.

    ^_^

    Now on the red-head person and who she is...I'm thinking a relation to Grindelwald?

    Yes? No?

    Also Digitalstorm [IRC] seems to believe that this will be a crossover...assuage my fears and prove him wrong Amer...please*?

    *Not that a crossover would be so bad...just...well...let's talk about it if we ever get there ;)
     
  15. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    I love being in 'the-know'.
     
  16. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    No crossover.

    Spill the beans Jon and I'll rip your nonexistent testicles off.

    :)
     
  17. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Lolwut. Amer, you know I'd never tell them about how she really is <snip>. We're buddies after all. :)
     
  18. digitalstorm

    digitalstorm Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    LOL. Thisperson, I was just worried about the "gear" that Harry stole from the Death Eater. It annoys me for some reason.
     
  19. Gullible

    Gullible Headmaster

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    Sitting in front of a broken compooter, lolololol
    Hmm, what can we deduce from that?

    Well, it seems to be contradictory, if she is really <snip> (castrated for those, not in the know) then she somehow has to be a male, or maybe a male masquareding as a female.

    Oh I don't know, I should leave this stuff to death. :(
     
  20. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    A rewrite for the first few chapters is in progress.

    The first chapter has been rewritten.
     
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