Nahh just slap him silly. Obviously he's high on something.

 

How about a story featuring broke!Harry?

Harry moseys on over to gringotts for his overdue going-independent-shopping-spree and finds out his pops really was a lazy good for nothing who basically drained his vaults, and lost Harry's trust fund gambling, effectively putting the boy-who-lived-to-end-up-broke in debt.

I'd pay to read something like that.

 

I think a couple of us came up with somethign similar in a challenge thread at one point. We had Harry going to Gringotts to find that the Potter family was really quite poor, but had a deal with Gringotts that if a scion of the Family was left without any support from the rest of the family (ie was the only oen left alive) they would be provided with enough gold to manage their way through school and live decently in comfort before that. So basically Gringotts would provide a vault with enough money for harry's guardians to raise him in moderate comfort and for him to get plenty of schooling. We thought that Harry would find this out from a letter from Gringotts on his 17th birthday.

We thought that the previous summer Harry had done a shopping spree of sorts, bought a library and maybe hired a tutor or two, really spent a great deal of cash.

The downside of the deal, was that Gringotts could choose whether they wanted the person to work off their debt to Gringotts, basically be a slave for Gringotts in whatever capacity the goblins want (Harry/Griphook/Security Troll threesome anybody? I think Vash might do that quite well) or if they would simply take like 3/4 of the persons wage until the debt was cleared.

We thought Harry would be forced to undergo training provided by the Goblins whilst in his 7th year, as well as learning for his NEWTs. Basically they would be training him to work for them for nothing for the rest of his life.

It would obviosuly be a post-OotP, AU of HBP.

I still like the idea of it.

 

The three magical wizarding schools are horcuxes so Harry has to destroy them but since he can't tell anyone about the horcuxes everyone thinks he's evil, or instead of just 7 horcuxes everyone with the dark mark is a horcux so he has to kill all the death eaters before he can kill Volemort.

 

You mean, that Voldemort has split his soul at least say 20 times. I am a proponent of the idea that you can only split your soul a certain very limited number of times. I like the idea in some fics, where Tom found out after making his second or third horcrux, that you can't split your soul more than that many times. So Harry is left searching for horcruxes that don't exist.

I do like the idea of the Harry having to destroy the schools to destroy the horcruxes though its a bit unbelievable that volde could make the actual schools the horcruxes. Maybe make it that one single stone somewhere in the castle is the horcrux, and it would take far too long to test each individual stone, so Harry goes radical and destroys the whole building completely.

 

Yeah that's a better idea actually, or the horcux is underneath the school or something. How about some of the Proffessers and Order members being horcuxes so harry has to kill people like Mcgonogal and Remus.

 

Or maybe important political leaders all over the world were made horcruxes so that if he had to die he would leave the world in chaos.

 

How about that the whole Boy-Who-Lived is a ploy by voldemort and he is "defeated" by harry potter but in reality he never leaves and harry potter is really harry riddle.

Can either be lily is the mom and is in on the big plan and she is also alive or they already killed the potters and they place little riddle there and create the boy-who-lived

 

Hmmm, seems like a fangirls invitation to ~squeels delightedly~ Harry/Tommy slash, I mean Tommy is such a loving caring person deep inside, that he would of course fuck his son.

How about, post-Hogwarts, post-Voldemort, WW3 starts, some random middle east country sends a nuclear/hydrogen missile or two around the world, perhaps one at the US and one at Britain. What would the magical worlds responce be. They would have to face up to what was happening, would they simply hide, or would they help.

I can actually see that as being a good mix between a political fic, and a kind of commando!Harry fic.

 

A story where *GASP* Harry doesn't have a massive penis and gives a girl an orgasm his first time. I have never read a smut scene where the girl doesn't have at least one orgasm.

 

*gasp* what kind of stories do you read? I thought two was the absolute and seldom used minimum.

But really, I don't think failure!Harry would be much of a joyous read.

 

As a comedy it would be hilarious, but as a real fic, not so. Like if you had a fic where Harry finds he's actually not very powerful, the power the dark lord knows not is something fairly useless, like being slightly double jointed, and he has just failed his sorrows. Somehow he gets lucky and heads into a back room with a hot chick, but seriously fails to perform to her expectations, gets bitch slapped, then hunted down by her gnag of brothers and cousins and whoevers.

 

Does penis size really matter in the wizarding world though? I mean just likeEngorgio WHAM instant porn star.

 

One question though, would you really want to point a wand at your penis?
Also it's not the size that counts, it's how you use it. Although Voldemort has a longer wand than Harry, which would suggest that size does have some relevance.

Litha

 

Lol, yeah I mean what in there was backlash, but say it's a girl you really hate, then you just make it really big and...... I'll stop. Some one should take one of their novel length fics and just change all the Blaise, or Fleur to Ginny and say H/G in the summary and see how many more hits they get, or just change it to slash and change all the names to Draco. I bet it would double the reviews.

 

Ummm...I beg to differ! I was wanking at seven or eight and wanting very much to see what makes us all different at that age! I also messed around quite a bit with a few girls from the neighborhood at that age. The only difference is at that age I didn't know where to go from there. A funny idea would be a Harry who sneaks around all perverted like and setting up situations he doesn't know how to handle...

Now here is an original idea! I'd love to see one of these!

Truman Show much? I'd still read it if it were done right though.

This is another original idea I don't think I've seen before!

I think this would be a brilliant setup for a long fic where 'Moody' trains Harry for [insert goal here]! Dumbledore would go along with it so long as the charade of Crouch = 'Moody' continues to play out. You could either have Crouch try to convert Harry to the Dark Arts (and by extension Voldemort) or have Crouch defect to Harry's side and they build a new faction in the war seperate from both Voldemort and Dumbledore. Of course the best way to pull this off would be for Crouch's attempt to sneak Harry's name into the tourment to have failed or for him to never have been unmasked at the end of GoF...

That one exists: It's Bobmin's Parallels

Hmmm...

'Anti-cliches'? How about...

Harry is taken from the Dursleys after Petunia is killed by death eaters when Harry is five or something and given to Snape 'for his protection' against Voldemort. Snape HATES the living, breathing reminder of James Potter's existence. Harry is abused by Snape for several years until one day Vernon happens to be in the area and recognizes his nephew. Having lost his dearly beloved wife and Dudley having been killed in the car accident he pulls out a gun or something and shoots Snape from behind, then takes Harry and raises him as the 'last living connection' to his dearly departed wife. Also Vernon raises Harry to consider Dumbledore as personally responsible for Petunia's death and Harry's abuse by Snape?

I know we've seen Snape always rescuing Harry from the abuse of the Dursleys; how about the reverse of this? I had this idea a bit back before I disappeared and thrashed it out a bit with IP82 but it never seemed to go anywhere whenever I try to actually write it as prose.

--bornagainpenguin

 

Bornagainpenguin:

I'd love to see Vernon rescuing Harry from Snape. Nice to see you back alive and posting.

How about a story where Bellatrix, after losing the heir of Voldemort during childbirth, stumbles upon a 4 or 5 year old Harry Potter and decides to raise him as the heir instead. Since Voldemort died before she gave birth to his heir, he can't know what he looks like. And then there's the fact that Harry and Voldemort look somewhat similar...

Bellatrix, being pregnant, did not go and torture the Longbottoms with her husband and brother-in-law, staying safe and away from Azkaban.

I can totally see Bellatrix happily carrying Harry around the house, teaching him how to torture the house elves, or taking him Muggle Hunting at age 7.

It would of course have to be humor, a fussy, mothering Bellatrix who worries about the standard of her son's Cruciatus.

:::

"Can you read me a story?"

"Half a century ago....there was once a great man named Lord Grindelwald. He was the hero of the wizarding world, torturing the evil Muggle children..."

Little Harry's eyes were open and wonder.

"Did he cut their tongues out?" he interrupted.

Bellatrix smiled at her only son.

"Why yes, he did."

"Did he...tear their limbs off? One by one?" He whispered.

"Oh did much worse than that..."

 

That could be a good humour fic but not a serious one.

 

Yeah, it would be hillarious once he got to hogwarts.

 

Why, in the name of all thats holy, would he go to Hogwarts? It makes no sense. Being taught by Bellatrix since he could pronounce incantations would I think place him slightly above the level of first years. It would be a waste of time, something to bulk out the fic, and let him angst about friends and homework. Maybe get a few scenes of Bellatrix threatening Snape to treat Harry better. Better to have him taught privately, and start the fic when he is 17 and an adult in the eyes of the law.