Hi Jon-

It's good to see you here. Take it easy on the kid, once he reads the umpteen-thousandth wish-fulfillment story where Harry gets SOOPR-KEWL POWERZ, blows up all the Death Eaters then gets to bang every chick in Hogwarts he might "get" what you've done here.

Until then, it was pretty clear to me that the point went straight over his head (Clue for the clueless: The title contains the word "Healing," which is sort of a dead giveaway that one of the major thematic elements is Harry's healing, which implies that at some point he needs to be fixed... nevermind)

-Sean

 

In cannon, as it is clear now, cildren will not be playing any role in the war at all. Harry will defeat Voldemort due to a freak Deus ex Machina accident, as cannon Harry Potter books are made to show that Love always defeats Evil no matter how strong it is.

Kids can't successfully fight grown-up men who kill left and right without concern. Kids can't surpass accomplished specialists who spent their lives to learn their trade. They're just that -- kids.

But that minor thing doesn't matter, epic battles I can live with, and even enjoy sometimes. Just as with High-elves, Dragons, Hermione-the-warrior filler material.

What matters more here is how Harry recovers with the help of Gabrielle.

I was trying to say that the Veela trick was, in fact, a plot device used to avoid more common (and expected), lond and gentle approach Gabrielle should have deployed when treating Harry and his emotions. So I think that was cheating; cutting a long and strenious process with the Veela easy-thingy (sadly, I myself have no clue how to do it the long way without this plot device. Still, pointing out the flows is a good step, IMO).

And then, Harry was forced to relive things that, as you said yourself, 60 year old Vietnam Veterans, after all these years, still struggle to cope with. Maybe that was necessarily for Harry, but not in that way. What he relieved was, (and that name was regrettably ruined with overuse in fandon) essentially, a mindrape: an extreme personal violation to the highest degree. So, was the rape necessarily then?

I have only one name for that: Harry acted a pussy and got bitched around by a girl.

Quote from the fic:

You think after that anyone will just sit quietly and smile? Well, pussy-Harry in thousands of cliches out there will do that. His reaction to that is unexpected, il-lo-gi-cal.

Yeah, every woman friend would have done that, destroying someone's stack of bottles that cost fortune, and that served as the only outlet for this someone's emotions -- would have done that and have effectivelly and immediately destroyed their relationship. That's my personal opinion, and that's why I was bothered that Harry got only slightly pissed, and the next moment, illogically agreed to accept her help.

And yes, that he didn't strike her was very OK, and very good written.

I've forgotten about that, yeah. But still, Gabrielle's POV was just that: Gabrielle's, it didn't present any prying insight into Harry's feelings. As I said before, Harry acts heroic and helpful towards everyone, so the scenes between Harry and Gabrielle, as shown from her eyes, weren't enough for reader to 'get the chemistry between them', IMO. I think the fic misses more scenes from Gabrielle's POV where Harry pops up, to see him being with her more.

I'm 23, and I disagree here. Of course I'm not saying anything like these last two sentences. Everyone who lived through that wished to die alongside their battle mates, that's called the survivals' guilt. Your friends are just examples, not the rule. If your friend weeps everytime the subject of war brought up, then he must have some psychological problems, or maybe he just used you as an outlet, I don't know. The same goes about suicide tendencies. I realise I just stomped on personal grounds here, and I ask for forgiveness. :sticks out a pinkie: Friends?

I have, in my family, war veterans, too. Did they cry?/Have they cried about the war? They remembered. That's all the respect those who died need. And then they learned to live on with their grief. First, in their case, there was a society to build, then there were children to raise.

Harry in your fic have problems with coping, and needs help -- I'm saying that so I will not be misunderstood.

But what I'm saying Harry crying was out of character: he could have shed silent tears, which would not make his face 'blotchy' and his eyes 'red-rimmed'. He cried like a girl there, not like a man who lived through all the things he said/she saw/whatever.

P.S.

These weren't just some random words to placate, I actualy registered on this site just for the sake of this post, I wouldn't have bothered if the story didn't have a good potential.

P.P.S. about 'Crack': most people in fandom cannot realise that their fic have ended and drag it along and along to the point of the writer's and the fic's total exhaustion. That's really sad, but irrelevant here, just wanted to give it a vent. :wry smile:

PPPPPPPS. While I'm still at it, thought I might as well point out this, in the very beginning there're these words:

[qoute]
Gabrielle Delacour was bored.
Really, really, bored.
[/qoute]

that's crap. Plain and simple. My primary desire seeing these lines was to close the page and find something else to read. Maybe you haven't realised but a Lot of fictions have this same lines. And even without repetitions in fandom, this is still crap. Just wipe these two sentences and proceed with 'Gabrielle Delacour absently tapped out a sharp' that will be way better.

 

Take your mouth off Jon's dick for two seconds and realize that not everybody has the same opinions as you do.

 

Nice rebuttal, junior. In that vein, if I were to suggest that you violate yourself using a fist covered with sandpaper, is my argument as good as yours?

Even looking beyond the ad hominem, my point stands. The original post (and his follow-up) positively reeks of reader entitlement -- he apparently went so far as to create an account and post because he was mad that Harry doesn't act the way he thinks he should, and thinks that everybody should deal with their issues in a manner that's personally pleasing to him. He even bitched about the opening line (get over it, kid).

Yes, you're entitled to your opinion. But if it's retarded, do everybody a favor and keep it to yourself.

 

Thank you very much.
Nukular, you can talk to me in 2nd person, you know, I'm here. What you said is all very good and interesting, but maybe we can start now on mature discussion?

 

I thought that Jon had laid things out pretty well, but your reply showed that you're still missing a fundamental point.

Namely, people deal with bad shit in different ways, some of which might be incomprehensible to you personally. How successfully people cope depends on a lot of factors, including their individual temperament and background, as well as their support structure. Take Harry - in canon we've seen that Harry does not display what a therapist might refer to as "effective coping strategies." He internalizes his problems and they occasionally build to the point that he's overwhelmed and lashes out at the people around him. That he's not comfortable confronting his issues is ironclad canon fact.

Fast forward a few years.

It's plausible to posit that Harry falls in love and uses his significant other (Luna, in this case) as an emotional outlet -- it's not healthy because he's relying completely on one person, but it works for him.

Take Luna out of the equation, mix in some residual guilt, stir and simmer for a few years, and there's no reason at all to find it unreasonable that Harry is severely depressed and self-medicating with alcohol. People do it ALL THE TIME.

As far as Gabrielle's behavior goes, intervention is extremely common for people with self-destructive chemical dependencies and it would actually be incredibly brave for a person in her position to confront Harry on her own. You can make a case that her behavior is little different from the "I know what's best for you" shit common in so many H/Hr and H/G stories, the primary difference being that in this case Gabrielle is entirely correct -- here I'll mention that if you have a friend that's drinking themselves unconscious every day and you do nothing to help them, you're a shitty friend.

As far as using her powers on him to make him talk, it was a convenient literary device (as you pointed out) -- of course, it was necessary in this case because absolutely *nobody* wants to read a play-by-play of the years of therapy Harry would need... As far as amateur psychotherapy goes, the talking, painting and analysis of emotions is actually not a bad strategy. She also pushes him toward reconciliation with the people that care about him, which allows him to attempt to build a support structure. Overall, Gabrielle has done a solid job getting Harry patched up.

In conclusion, I suspect that your problem is less "I don't understand why Harry is such a pussy" and more like "I'd really rather not read about emotions and situations that make me uncomfortable."

Just a thought.

-Sean

 

Well, that's much better.

OK. Everything you mentioned was exactly what made the story worthwhile (though my powers of summing up seem to be inferior to yours), but I was pointing out individual cases of OOC-ness (and got reduced to mud on general points instead). I think we may safely remain with our opinions (whatever they are) concerning these cases, I'm quite satisfied with just bringing them up.

Why should I do that? After all, thought thrives on conflict, they say.

 

No update, just another review.

Criticisms:

-The High-Elves. jon3776's reason for including them as fleshing out the magical world. I approve of his goal, but not the method by which he tries to accomplish it. It would be preferable to exercise more creativity, as exemplified by RustyRed in her story Ectomancer. Flinging generic high-fantasy races chosen at random into the story pales in comparison to Chinese water spirits, an otherworld, and an arena in a ship sailing in international boundaries.

The end result is that the setting is actually less interesting than it would be otherwise because it loses the mystique, and the details themselves are trash. You're always better off without the High Elves, Orcs, ect.

- This passage.

There's the direct contradiction of logic, which jon3776 overcomes by simply acknowledging it and going ahead with it anyway. It is taking refuge in audacity I believe. In less flattering terms, laziness.

You have the master wizard, grand sorcerer, Gryffindor's Assassin, and whatever other exotic-sounding titles Harry Potter, be successfully veela-charmed by Gabrielle, who has very dilute veela blood in her.

Due Praise

- The writing is impeccable. There are only tiny blemishes such as the dialogue adjective tags, every other line of dialogue has them. Occasionally jon slips up by repeating them consecutively, ie

- Characterization with Harry. In the first chapter, the portrayal of him as a strict taskmaster is great. The self-destructive streak is handled well (though it is completely expressed through alcohol abuse). He is given flaws, such as what amounts to hero-worship for Luna, adoring her so much he believes she is perfect in every way.

- Interactions/Thought Processes. These are all great too. Gabrielle's initial joy at seeing Harry and then her reaction to him shattering her expectations was realistic. There was some emotional involvement on my part in various scenes.



I rate this a Ruskbyte v2 out of a Ruskbuyte v1, corresponding to a numerical rating of 3/5. It's questionably library-worthy in my opinion, jon's other full-length stories are much better.

 

I enjoyed this story. It has this what Harry and the others did during the war summary in it which I am a fan off since we can see how people would have wanted the War to play out and we get different versions each time. It had an interessting Harry, a captivating story and overall likable characters.


My point of critique would be be that Luna became a seer, something I personally think clashes immensely with Luna's personality, also there were some other minor cliché's which are excusable and actually added to the stories charm.

Ron's story after the war really great, especially seeing that so many people hate him.

Above all I liked this specific scene:

Harry's response, despite the clichéd beginning was simply amazing.

Overall a good 4/5.

 

This story isn't complete, right; just the three chapters?

As I recall the author plunged into an ethical quandary concerning the continuance of the story following one or more complaints about the impropriety of a teacher liaising with a student.

 

You are kidding. Out of all the Snape/Harry abominations out there this is the one that gets bitchy reviews?

 

Yes, one or more self-righteous comments/complaints about the fact that the story had a teacher entering into a romantic relationship with a student. I remember the author agonising over it, wondering if he was doing the wrong thing by writing it.

Which is a pity, because I enjoyed the story, and was looking forward to the 'Action Jackson' saving-the-damsel-in-distress instalment that was promised at the end of the third chapter.